I've got a boner

#1
Here I am, minding my own business avoiding work, not thinking about anything particular and WHAM. I've got a rampant boner. I thought that the days of schoolboy erections had passed but no, I'm always getting the fcukers and I discharge my nuts daily. I hope no cnut jams the photocopier or I'm going to have to get up from my seat and strap the [email protected] in with my 5's belt and hope it my engorged stormtroopers hat doesn't pop out the gap in my shirt.
 
#3
I also see the world through the eyes of a sexual predator. I look at women in the street, bank, supermarket, old folks home, in their wheelchairs and wonder what they'd look like screaming for mercy and their eyelids stuck together with my man fat as I introduce ever increasing sized foreign objects to their bodily openings. Or is it just me.....
 
#4
Erm.... I seem to have missed something possible exciting..... then again, as women seem to do OK without getting stiffies, I think nor, perhaps! :roll:
 
#5
'Or is it just me..... '...surely not just you RJ, just you've got it down to a fine art, that's all. The literary world is all the better for it. :wink:

Knew a guy who burst a blood vessel wanking off 8 times a day, poor soul. 8O

In lieu of cold showers,some options:

Midget Blears spread eagle on her second-home water-vibrating bed, muff fluffed and at the ready…as you bend down, the scented aroma of her codpiece petals wafting over you invitingly…… 8O :p

Or

A fungal-infected, toe-sucking session with a 90-year old- neighbour.
(Male, naturally) :lol:

Or

A Saturday night out in Pompey’s 'Emma’s', where the biggest catch of blonde-rooted crab-minges await your horny nets….. :D :twisted:

That’s about as much as I can muster in time available to type. :(
 
#6
Fcuk's sake Taloolah, 2 of your cold shower suggestions have just caused me to slip out to the loo and manually relieve an enormous back pressure. Up to you to decide which ones but I'm partial to ginga dwarves and I think I know that bird in Emma's :oops:
 
#9
becky_w_84 said:
Whats the policy on, erm, fraternizing? Is everyone in the pusser at it with one another constantly?
Male to male, male to female or female to female? Define fraternising, that could be anything from holding hands up to BJ's and arse stabbing (official policy is no touching onboard, unofficial is get stuck in :D )
 

witsend

MIA
Book Reviewer
#11
Taloolah said:
'Or is it just me..... '...surely not just you RJ, just you've got it down to a fine art, that's all. The literary world is all the better for it. :wink:

Knew a guy who burst a blood vessel wanking off 8 times a day, poor soul. 8O

In lieu of cold showers,some options:

Midget Blears spread eagle on her second-home water-vibrating bed, muff fluffed and at the ready…as you bend down, the scented aroma of her codpiece petals wafting over you invitingly…… 8O :p

Or

A fungal-infected, toe-sucking session with a 90-year old- neighbour.
(Male, naturally) :lol:

Or

A Saturday night out in Pompey’s 'Emma’s', where the biggest catch of blonde-rooted crab-minges await your horny nets….. :D :twisted:

That’s about as much as I can muster in time available to type. :(
Did Gospits weightwatchers move?
 

witsend

MIA
Book Reviewer
#12
becky_w_84 said:
Whats the policy on, erm, fraternizing? Is everyone in the pusser at it with one another constantly?
Becky we still need photo proof your a younger version of your mother with bigger funbags!
 
#17
becky_w_84 said:
WreckerL said:
becky_w_84 said:
WreckerL said:
official policy is no touching onboard, unofficial is get stuck in :D
Can't wait then!!!!
Any phot's to share with us :wink: :wink:
ive been trying to get a pic on but mine are all over 6kb and i cant change the size of the pic, ive tried cropping and making them black n white but it still wont work :-(

google avatar resizer, and click on one of the free options, and you're sorted!
 
#18
Monty my advice is to arrange a meet with one of the female members of looser virtue at a suitably posh venue.
Then spend a pleasant evening wining, dining and generally charming the pants off said bint and then escort her home, stopping along the way to pick something up from your 'lock up'.
On arrival at said Lock up out comes the cosh and Bobs your Uncle one made to order Boner relief spunk bucket at your constant disposal.
For easy access the Lock up should be close to work so that relief can be achieved while you "Just popping out to buy some mints......" (Or similar).
Sound proofing and restraints should of course be in situ before any other steps are taken.
Happy hunting. :twisted:
 

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