It's the Law!

BillyNoMates

War Hero
Seeing as we're about to trigger Article 50 and smeg off out of Europe, I think it's
about time that Great Britain re-visited the laws of the land with a view to making
a shed-load of new rules and regulations. If you can think of anything that needs
amending/adding/re-writing etc, no matter how bizarre (hence a Lil's thread),
please feel free to vent your spleen and top the list up.
I'll E-mail them all to the Houses of Parliament the day after we sever our ties
with Johnny Foreigner....should be good for a laugh.

* * * * * *

(1). New laws covering talking lifts, escalators and any other automated
services that provide the general public with vital information. ALL these
automated talking services should be standardised and utilise the voice of
Joe Pasquali with the exception of the automated warning that a vehicle is
reversing. This voice will be provided by Roy "Chubby" Brown.

(2). Rice pudding. Rice pudding shall only be consumed cold with a small
spoon, directly out of the tin it was stored in. Anyone heating up rice pudding
in a pan with a view to putting it into a bowl with some jam or Tate & Lyle
Golden Syrup, shall be reported to *The rice pudding hotline* on 0800
101010 which will be activated on Brexit-Day. Criminal proceedings will
then begin which could culminate in either a fine of up to £500 or one
calendar month in prison.

(3). A new "Yappy Dog Tax" shall be set in place and owners of small,
irritating yapping canines will have to attend Assessment Centres with
their pets in order to ascertain the level of tax they must pay, dependant
on how many yips and yaps their dogs emit in a ten minute period. Further
details will be published on the HMRC website in due course.

* * * * * *
 

Polto

War Hero
Signs on council recycling bins to be removed if they say 'Co-mingling'. The word 'Mixed' should be used instead.
 

taffscrivs

War Hero
A law banning the manufacture or use of extending dog leads.
Anyone caught using such a device in a public place would be be ordered to pick up dog shit from parks, playing fields and footpaths for a month.
 

Ballistic

War Hero
A law banning the manufacture or use of extending dog leads.
Anyone caught using such a device in a public place would be be ordered to pick up dog shit from parks, playing fields and footpaths for a month.

Well that's just discriminatory.
If you have an extended dog, there's no choice other than to use an extended dog lead...
Super_Sausage_Dog.jpg
 

Sumo

War Hero
Village Idiots, every village can have one after that tax them?


Dog owners who do not clean up dog poo after their dogs have crapped everywhere should be taxed and given chain gang service shovelling shite
 
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