It's not exactly PC but.....

Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by BillyNoMates, Feb 6, 2010.

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  1. BBC3 is going to be showing this programme soon:-

    http://www.unrealitytv.co.uk/reality-tv/dancing-on-wheels-coming-to-bbc-three/

    Can the team think of any other programmes that BBC3 can broadcast
    that might be "pushing the envelope" a tad?

    I was thinking that perhaps *The Alzheimers Krypton Factor* might
    make good viewing, providing any contestants remembered to turn
    up that is.

    Other ideas that spring to mind include:

    *Come lick windows with me*
    *Help - I'm a Toyota Prius Driver - get me out of here!*
    *MMllllaaarrr or no MMmmmlllaarrr*
    *Extreme Home makeover - Haiti edition*
    (at least the yank wont have to take a bulldozer to it first).

    :?:
     
  2. "Ducking stool challenge - Witch or no Witch"
     
  3. Universally Challenged.
     
  4. Wheel chair people doing Total Wipeout!
     
  5. Its a gas chamber, get celebrities in there.
     
  6. I particularly like that one :lol:
     
  7. Some (extremely) Short Programmes:

    Eunochs on Pregnancy, STDs & Parenthood

    Fishing techniques for anglers in the Sahara

    Countdown for Dyslexics

    Seeking out the Honest MPs and Lawyers

    Women in RN Submarines through the Ages

    Edited to add another Shorty:

    RAF - The Future. :wink:
     
  8. *The Mong Whisperer*

    (Spin off from *The Dog Whisperer*)

    TV programme in which Pedro O'Droolio is invited to ordinary
    peoples homes, who have relations of the - shall we say -
    Tank-tops covered in dribble and spit variety.
    Pedros task is to "educate" the owners of said dribblers that
    it's all their fault and with a little bit of help, they can all get
    along fine, and the "problem mong" will behave perfectly
    and not take a dump in the bath or attempt to take the top
    of its head off with the tin opener any more.
     
  9. "Abortion race"

    The first chav to succesfully terminate their foetus with a coat hangar and vacuum cleaner (and not die) wins a one way ticket to Botswana.

    It's win win; Glorious to watch, most will die, and those that don't will be left barren or will leave the country.
     
  10. 'Who do you think you are?'...... Dementia society.
     
  11. BBC3 TV listing 6th February 2010
    --------------------------------------------------

    06:00 *Breakfast with Robert Mugabe* (Topical chat, news and the
    "Spot the machete" competition.)
    09:15 *Sponge-Bob and Spit-Roast* (Cartoon about the hilarious
    antics of a boy made out of sponge and a gang of Eastern
    European sex workers)
    11:30 *Crap in the Attic* (A well known antiques expert visits
    a member of the public, gains entry to their home, goes
    up into the attic - has a crap, and leaves) *repeat
    12:30 *Very Loose Women* (Four middle aged ladies host a chat
    show, after first being force fed laxatives for three days)
    Competition to guess which one will follow through first
    starts at 12:35. Calls cost £1 or press the brown button)
    13:30 *Mmmmlllaaarrrr! she wrote* (Jessica Mongson accidentally
    gets the cork off the end of an item of kitchen cutlery
    and stabs herself in the forehead and therefore has to
    investigate her own murder)
    14:30 *How clean is your orphanage?* (Our two favourite expert
    cleaning ladies visit Romania and go tut-tut-tut when they
    find some dead kids stuck behind the oven in the kitchen)
    15:30 *Popstar to Crackhead* (Following Jimmy Osmonds departure
    after a hoofing great snort of charlie, the five remaining
    contestants are tempted to try an assortment of Class "A"
    recreational products)
    16:30 *Come Dogging with me* (This weeks contestants all come from
    Milton Keynes, and they each have to score one another for
    the £1,000 prize. First out in the multi-storey car park is
    Doris "Super-Dogger" Johnson, a professional hairdresser and
    volunteer sperm bank.)
    17:30 *How to look good - dead* (This week, Gok Wan digs up Michael
    Jackson and gives him a shampoo and set, some nice skin-tight
    lycra shorts and a pink tank-top)
    18:30 *Extreme Uckers with Robson Green* (The actor gets into a game
    with Peter Sutcliffe and must decide if his up-board manoeuvre
    will be rewarded with a hidden Stanley blade getting jabbed
    into his eyeballs)
    19:30 *International Wheelchair Drag Racing* (Live from Runway 3 at
    Manchester Airport). What happens when a wheelchair is
    accelerated from 0 to 280 mph in four seconds? Contains
    flash photography.
    20:30 *Through the Arse-Hole* (Introduced by Sir David Frost).
    Tonights celebrity panel have to decide which other famous
    celebrity has had a hospital camera shoved up his/her rectum
    whilst being given "clues" by Lloyd Grossman.
    21:30 *Relocation,Relocation,Relocation* (Phil Spencer meets Albert
    Crutchington, who has just been put on the sex offenders list
    and therefore requires to sell his house in London and move
    somewhere like Thailand...or Vietnam...or anywhere they don't
    know him)
    23:00 *The Joseph Fritzl Show* (Tonights guests say "Hello son, you're
    mother is my daughter and I'm your Grandad and brother as well.
    Shock DNA results!)
    00:01 to 06:00
    *1980's Pornographic videos for the deaf*. (Watch that little bloke
    in the bottom right hand corner of the screen try to mime a
    blow job)
     
  12. ooooo, oooooo, I just thought of one!

    Muslim Driving School. This could be where some raggedy headed types learn to drive on Britain's terrifying road network and......





    What do you mean they've already done it....... :oops:
     
  13. PMSL at that one!!!!!
     
  14. I had a mouthful of wine when I read that, it came out of my nose.......!
     
  15. Didn't win the lottery, so had an idea for James Camerons
    next outing into the world of 3D animation. Awaiting confirmation
    and large deposit into bank account.

    The next 3D Blockbuster Movie
    from director James Cameron
    ========================


    “CHAVATARâ€

    When 17 year old Hampshire drug-dealer Wayne Kerr steals his sisters Subaru, and f**ks off for a joy ride along Southsea sea front – little does he know that his life is about to be changed….forever. He loses control of the powerful vehicle – flips it over and crashes onto Southsea Beach in a ball of white hot flames and dented metal. The Emergency Services pull what’s left of Wayne Kerr out of the wreckage and he is whisked off to Portsmouth Experimental Hospital were top neurosurgeon, Professor Harry Shipman informs him that he is paralysed from the brain down.
    “However Wayneâ€, says the Professor, “We can *rebuild* you – by welding a second-hand Playstation 3 to your head,and downloading a copy of the game *Super Mario 2* into your three remaining brain cellsâ€.
    Wayne is flabbergasted, and has many, many questions.
    “Know what I mean like??? Eh???? Like…..Wot???....Yeah….Bangin’…..â€
    “There are some drawbacks though with this procedure Wayneâ€, the professor adds.
    “Ehhh?....Like….I is a bling star man…….where’s me Burberry cap gone?â€, says Wayne.
    “You’ll never get out of this hospital bed ever again because we only managed to save your HEAD…but….thanks to the miracle of Main-Frame computers, we can download your head on to a computer generated body, or Chavatar, and then you can live again!â€
    Wayne has a think, “Wow man…like…that’s f***ing cool – like innit?â€
    Professor Shipman leans closer to Waynes bandaged-swathed head.
    “THEN – we are going to input you, and your Chavatar into a world we have only recently discovered…a world completely devoid of Chavs….zero chavity. We want you to turn the alien population into a bunch of chavs – chavatise them if you will…â€
    “Fu**ing BANGIN’…yeah…..wooooo!....where’s me f***in’ I-phone gone?â€
    “Yes Wayneâ€, the professor whispers, “We need you to turn a planet of 14 million eight foot tall lizard-skinned eco-conscious aliens into a world populated by eight foot tall lizard-skinned Nike track-suit wearing, bling covered, burberry-capped, car stealing, benefit drawing wastes-of-space!â€
    Wayne has another think, “Cool…….check it out…like….ehh?....where’s my bitches?â€
    “You will be contacted, once you arrive in your Chavatar on the planet Kyle-J-1 by another chavatised agent called Asbo-V’aginar who will assist you in turning the planets population into a load of morons.â€
    “What’s in it for me then….ehh?â€, asks yne.
    The professor smiles.â€Well Wayne – you get to shag again – and create a f***ing bunch of single parent eight foot tall female lizards all called Tracyâ€.

    (More of the plot and synopsis is available on request)
     
  16. 'Terror Blind Dating' - Pete Sutcliff is released from jail and out to find the woman of his dreams.............

    'Jimmy Fixit......chav edition'

    'Bird watch' - A pervert's 'how to guide'
     
  17. *Extreme Treasure Hunt* (Featuring Anneka Rice).
    --------------------------------------------------------------

    Once again, Anneka Rice is tasked with finding stuff – guided by a bunch of contestants in a television studio in London. Ms. Rice (now with a slightly wider arse) is flown to Northern Pakistan in a Blackhawk helicopter gunship, piloted by Noel Edmonds and made to fast rope into the mountains. Armed only with a radio-microphone and a bag of beauty products supplied by L’oreal (Paris) – she is guided from cave to cave as the contestants attempt to find Osama bin Laden.
    The winner in the studio (who successfully guides Ms. Rice into the correct cave), gets an all expenses paid weekend for two at Butlins, Barry Island.

    Future episodes would feature contestants sending our Anneka on hunts for Shergar, Buddy Holly, victims of Ian Brady and Myra Hindley, and a special celebrity edition live from Portugal when Derek Acora tries to help Anneka locate a “mystery celebrityâ€.

    ************

    *Muslim Ladette to Muslim Lady* (Programme cancelled due to nil volunteers)
    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------

    ************

    *New – You’ve been Rohypnol’d!*
    ------------------------------------------
    Members of the public send in their favourite video/DVD and phonecam “bloopers†for airing on this topical show. The joys of Flunitrazepam and it’s hilarious after effects are explored in depth and quirky comical comment is added by Doctor Harry Hill.

    ************

    *The best of Top Gear*
    --------------------------
    Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond and “The Stigâ€, swap cars for recreational substances and try out the latest versions of what’s available on the streets of the UK.

    ************

    “David Dickinsons Real Deal*
    -----------------------------------

    The squeaky orange-coloured bloke is given a suitcase full of ecstasy tablets by a 17 year old Asbo carrying throwback from a council estate in Wakefield, and challenged to sell them on for a better price than the market value (less commission).

    ************
     
  18. The new movie this year the CHAVMINATOR a robot is sent back in time
    time kill chavs. You could get at least four movies about that.

    New for BBC Chav Hunter you drop a chav off in the countryside and then three hunters have 2 hours to catch and kill the chav.
     
  19. Tug,
    I thyink you may have invented a new sport!!!!
     
  20. Spacs grave stone.....Rust in peace....
     

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