It's just fun RR

Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by Rumrat, Jan 6, 2013.

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  1. Soleil has a spare thread, in case she wants to merge,
    Seadog sends his to the gash whenever he's the urge,
    Sonar Bender has a new red boat, makes poor Wrecker blue,
    Blobby's given up the booze so he's well fuck off to.

    Guzzler's gone pedantic, set sarcasm aside,
    Told slumbarine to watch it, or else he'd kick his hide,
    Says the English, cannot roll their "R's" their Russian's not spoke right,
    The Scots he says are better, it's just their English that is shite.

    Spidiver has gone stroppy, said Tommo's running's shite,
    He said a mere 40 miles? he could do that twice a night,
    I think it's impressive,fuckin 40 miles,
    I ran a few yards yesterday and bust most of my piles.

    Slumberine wants medals, Finks wants the VC,
    Blackrat suggested eBay, seconded by me,
    I would rather have a shag, followed by a beer,
    Wrecker prefers sleeping, it's age, (unless he's queer).

    Monty bullied Hermes_12, told him when to laugh,
    Sgt Pepper then jumped in of course, (is he on Monty's staff ?)
    Hermes continued laughing, said he was not alone,
    But Sgt P. has told us that most of the UK's bone.

    Tahoolah's busy studying,.. immigration law,
    Her studies are fastidious, 90 hours a week or more,
    I fuckin hope by Christmas, she's got the issue sorted,
    With all them fuckers and no room, fuck I might get deported.

    Flag deck recons Clinton, lost the missile codes,
    That's fuck all to brag about at our house we loose loads,
    We lost the kids one Christmas, we quickly drove away,
    The bastards nicked a sat nav and got home by New Years day.

    Sharkey has gone AWOL, Sumo's gone "top draw",
    Post's it all in current affairs and not in Lil's no more,
    I don't give a fuckin shit when posters play it large,
    Some twat crayons then seadog just sends it to the barge.

    Seadog isn't stupid, when he makes posters irate,
    He throws their threads in to the barge, after he's had his spate,
    Empties current Affairs threads writes them off as poo,
    Then gets his fuckin head down, when he's got fuck all to do.

    Cunt has done a runner, move to a better place,
    Didn't want to stop and play, no longer shows his face,
    His comments will be missed no doubt, his tactful calm advice,
    Though telling newbies to fuck off was never thought too nice.

    Waspie what a fuckin div fell off his bastard bike,
    Had is leg fucked up for weeks, perhaps he needs a trike,
    Maybe Santa brought him one, and left it by his bed
    If Santa was a matelot, he'd get stabilizers instead.

    What do they call the planet, where poor old Frogman lives,
    The mirrors there tell fuckin lies and make him think he's divs,
    He sees himself as sexy, and essence, not a wreck,
    In truth he's fuckin doggo rough, like Christina Kirchner's neck.

    I love fuckin Pernod something I've tried to kick,
    It's French and therefore treason, I am a two faced prick,
    But i have no will power, and so l am remiss,
    With two faces you drink faster, ain't life a fuckin bitch.

    Billy no Mates is a nutter, he has just moved house,
    He moved into a Flood Plain, whats that all about?
    Does the twat love sandbags, does being submerged turn him on,
    He'll have to fuckin re enlist, when the floods have gone.

    Pontius is a pilot,, living out in Perth,
    He seems to be quite sensible and rather down to earth,
    For fuck sake keep him off the stiff list, lets us not tempt fate,
    I'm flying back to Oz quite soon, it might be on his crate.

    The CO's started posting,.. keeps it nice and clean,
    Never spins a dirty dit, you all know what I mean,
    Playing with his train set seems to be big in his life,
    Is train set a code for "togger" maybe it just means wife?

    There was an Evil Adjutant, where the fucks he gone,
    Searching for the MoD's no doubt, lets hope he can find one,
    There used to be a ton of them, we ain't seen some of late,
    Do you think their idle bastards, or do they hibernate.

    Poor old Finks got beasted, Monty served him on a plate,
    In theory that's what happened, but the truth ain't quite that straight,
    The fact is that what Monty did was just like spilling seeds,
    Then fuckin Fink's avatars were popping up like weeds.

    I'm trying to be nice now, I don't want stacks of shit,
    I hope I ain't upset no one with this tale if there in it,
    There's stacks of stuff about now, since Libya became free,
    Including fuckin Semtex, please don't send none of it to me.

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Billy's got a complex about his little car,
    Say's it dosen't bother him, but protests too loud by far,
    Mind I can relate to this, people say my car's a heap,
    I dont give a flying fuck, its mine, it's clean it's cheap.

    Soleil likes Topstop's handle she say's it's really cute,
    I thought it was a bus stop I had one on my route,
    Topstop was the terminus, we'd ditch the fuckin bus,
    And now he's in the fuckin mire, will Topstop soon ditch us?

    NewZealand friggin Bootneck, a librarian in truth,
    A bloke working in a Library, all I can say is "strewth"
    I think he might be lying, but don't let me plant the seed,
    But it's well known in Australia, Kiwi's cant fuckin read.

    Witsend is busy working, he's raking shekels in,
    Remember up in Scotland extravagance equals sin,
    Their all taught to be frugal, it's imprinted on their hearts,
    And usually they just splash out on beer, and fags and tarts.

    This thread is like a diary, recording all our gaffs,
    I'm going to keep it going and hope it gives us laughs,
    We all like bastard laughing at Jenny Dabbers brother,
    Maybe its good now and again to laugh at one another.

    Breathing out on the way up has not slipped through the net,
    He isn't on the favoured list, there's time to get him yet,
    He said you bastards crayoning, should bow your head's in shame,
    Then twenty minutes later or so, he did the fuckin same.

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------



    Ninja Stoker is a fucker, his humour I would buy,
    when this bastard gets sarcastic, I laugh until I cry ,
    If the fuckin newbies understood what he implies,
    They'd all run home to Mummy, to help them dry their eyes.

    Dredd hates fuckin Audi's, well the drivers of theses cars,
    He recons they are brain dead, and should be behind bars,
    Maybe he's implying Froggers is a chav,
    Should he be behind the bars as well?.. he drives just like he has.

    Fuck me look at Wreckler fiddlin with my thread,
    A thought of Jimmy Savile has just popped in my head,
    But he could never kiddy fiddle, I can tell you one and all,
    Ask the blokes in submarines, his cock is way too small.

    Flagdecks hating lawmen, says they are all bad,
    Told Finks the bastards set him up when he was a small lad,
    They planted stuff to prove his guilt, and beat him up the Bummers,
    They've a lot to fuckin answer for those bastard Bow street Runners.

    The coppers started here you know, in Tamworth what a shame,
    That bastard Robert Peel is the twat you have to blame,
    Fuckin Drayton Manor's where it all begun,
    The place burnt down just after and the perps still on the run.

    I've posed seadog a question, I think he'll get upset,
    He ain't typed them funny boxes, so he ain't seen the fucker yet.
    I think that he's a sea-lord, who else could he be,
    If not staff for Maggie, did he just make the tea?

    Purple Twiglet has come on at night, really really late,
    He'd probably just got back home, from an important date,
    Might have been out with seadog, gettin bags of chips,
    Then popping up the Admiralty, deploying some more ships.

    When I was in the Andrew, at sea we slept at night,
    Except when we was standing watch, or closed up for a fight,
    I survived the fighting, I am a lucky man,
    I owe it all to Sea Dart and a nice guy we called Stan.

    I started as a seaman, and learned my gunnery,
    They stuck me on a big grey ship and sent me out to sea,
    They opened up the lock gates, the ship began to roll,
    Sunderland was left behind seasickness took its toll.

    I went to fight a cod war, in three weeks I'd had enough,
    The Icelanders rammed the Lincoln, its a good job she was tough,
    The Thor then did an about turn to have another run,
    But she quickly fucked off when the skipper fired our gun.

    Shadowing the Russians was a boring job,
    Following the battle groups cus Kruschev was a knob,
    Many times they turned to sink us, when they had had enough,
    But we merely held our course, and called their fuckin bluff.

    They said it was the cold war, they were fuckin right,
    Stuck up on the bridge wings I fuckin froze all night,
    The binoculars were lovely, half an hour it was soon gone,
    All the ships had Radar, they should have turned the fucker on.

    Now we have the 45's a ship of high renown,
    Can kill the Russians on its own or run them out of town,
    In twenty years it will be scrap, and I can suggest this,
    Young cunts will be the oldies then, and Robots take the piss.

    I've only got three medals, I'm a lucky man,
    My brother had a string of them, got killed in Vietnam,
    I was nearly killed once, by a hoard of Violent cocks.
    Inbred fuckin Janners, down in Bristol docks.


    Current Affairs has been quite lawless, we all ran amock,
    Posting anything we want and acting like a cock,
    Now seadog is the sherrif again he wont let Bob down,
    Anyone starts crayoning and he runs them out of town.

    Silverfox is helpful found a verse for Stan,
    Its nice to mix with Vetrans, and help them when you can,
    Stan told them at his local he was a vetran but was poor,
    The boss helped him immediately, straight out through the door.

    Where the Fuck is Jimbo, has he gone astray,
    Ever since he became a grandad he's locked himself away.
    The rugrat got him hostage, despite his tough facade,
    He's just a fuckin boot neck whimp and the kid's the one who's hard.

    I wasn't very well last night I was tired and I was frit,
    I got chased by a fuckin cow and trod in loads of shit,
    It went into my trainers, a load of sloppy turd,
    I must have trod in all the shit from all the fuckin herd.

    Two deck wears a tin hat and also anti flash,
    He's not expecting fighting, it's covering a rash,
    He got pissed in his castle, (he's quite a common scrote)
    Tried pissing from the batelments and fell into the moat.

    Wrecker's a dirty bastard he aint got no class,
    Theres pictures on the forum showing cows lickin his arse,
    Now I'm not known as squimish, but its taking the piss,
    When minutes later wrecks turned round and gave thet cow a kiss.

    Blackrat calls me a nigga, Its ok by me,
    He dosen't send a christmas card, or invite me round for tea,
    I don't hold it against him, its just the way it is,
    It's cus he is a pongo and their heads are full of jizz.

    Poor old fuckin Blobby dosnt get a fag,
    Now he has stopped drinking, lets hope he still gets a shag,
    His life is fuckin orrible, nothing in its great,
    Stuck fuckin in NewZealand with a bootneck for a mate.

    Blackrat want's into the palace ,but he don't know what to do,
    Thinks 2Deck will get a knighthood so he sticks to him like glue,
    Think off the fucking embarresment if he called old HM "ducks"
    And the bastard can't be trusted not to skiff the royal cups.

    Last time Bergen popped in he had bought an smle,
    He read I had one also so he compared some notes with me,
    Then he dissappeared, with his own beloved gun,
    He's got his cock stuck in the barrel, still we heard he's having fun.

    Where have all the mods gone? fuck it sounds like a song,
    Everybody's noticed so we cannot all be wrong,
    Were free to go in any thread to blasphem and to cus,
    Watch 10 will come together soon just like a fuckin bus.

    This poems getting fuckin long, but I enjoy the crack,
    Probably and very soon, I'll meet myself comming back,
    I did something I'm not proud of, just the other week,
    So if I really meet myself I probably won't speak.

    In this forum some treat Monty's words ,like he's the Holy Ghost,
    But still if they upset him then their arse is verbal "toast",
    Why be synchophantic, these threads are annonymouse,
    Just speak your mind and act the twat, just like the rest of us.

    There's some scared of the Bad CO, but I aint one of them,
    If he picks a fight with me, he won't do it again,
    I'll hit him with my pension book and trounce him 'til he wails,
    See I've always had a sneaky thought, Bad CO's really Nails.

    Fuck I think I've upset him, he's angry fit to burst,
    He want's me to come and see him, he's said have your "coffee" first,
    Fuck I think the forum must be broke, him saying that to me,
    He can't afford no coffee and he knows I don't drink tea.

    Where the fuck has Monty gone, I think he's telling lies,
    He says that he's still serving, then dissappears before our eyes,
    How can he still be serving, the fuckin lying twat,
    He tells us that he works hard, and matelots don't do that.

    Ah I see that from my "pm" that Monty's still about,
    It says that he's a plane spotter but don't want it getting out,
    Fuck I wont tell anyone, I don't give a shit,
    If he lies by runways wanking, wearing Gucci kit.

    Fink'sy, may I call you that, I don't know what to say,
    Cus when some cunt upsets you other "posters" come to play,
    Now this aint an acusation, I'll be nice if I can,
    Have you a schizophrenic disorder,or are YOU a fuckin clan?

    Stirling says those who meet me, get a pleasant shock,
    I'm really not a gobby twat, and don't always act a cock,
    I come from Australia, a land where men are men,
    I wonder if my missus will,... let me go back agen.

    I have met Stirling Stirling, and 2Badge Mango as well,
    We had a dinner time session, and as far as I could tell,
    I thought everything was bonza , until I went outside,
    Mossy and pete jumped off a bridge,.......attempting suicide.
    ,
    That above was fibbing, put in just for fun,
    We had a real good session then Stirling had to run,
    Me and Pete stayed on a while, but soon the time had come,
    I had to go and Pete had drunk ,the pub clean out of rum.

    Sharky's sense of humour, really is bizarre,
    He stalks me just to taunt me and make fun of my car,
    If he thinks he can pork me, and trap me cus he's gay,
    He'll see my car's front really close, if he don't go away.

    Actually it's just a laugh, he knows that I ain't bent,
    Cus I returned his invites and the pressies that he sent,
    That big red sore lump on your arm, I'm really sorry mate,
    I should have told you of the glass atop my garden gate.

    I don't buy big issue Sharkey, please don't ask again,
    The sad look on your face today, it really caused me pain,
    I couldn't enjoy dinner with you outside and sad,
    Tomorrow when I eat could you move down the road a tad.

    Then of course theres Jesse, rum rations big OD,
    The title is official, he got the twat from me,
    When Jesse post on here, he seems yokel, course, and bone,
    He talks like a proffessor when were yakking on the phone.

    Flymo is johnny foreigner and almost lives in France,
    I bet that he nips over there whenever he's the chance,
    He complains that the economy is going to the dogs,
    but I told him to fuck off, he's one of them fuckin wogs.

    Fuck me that Rod Gearing is one big cheeky cunt,
    Says his local hospital is way out there in front,
    The National statistics office put it way ahead,
    It turns people to corpses, most come out fuckin dead.

    Blackrat has a new friend, Flipfinger is it's name,
    He thinks it's a woman, fuck me thats a shame,
    He spends hours grooming it , thinks he;ll get a poke,
    It uses phrases like a bootneck, what a fuckin joke.

    Kangorillerhoppapig, is not a common word,
    Used by many Civvies, especailly a bird,
    Said it came to Rum ration to get a walter out,
    I've got my own ideas on this, but I aint saying nowt.

    Sonar Bender and his oppo, Horatio is is name,
    Said he'd heard my dit before, durrr didn't I explain,
    At the begining of my post it had happened before,
    Every thing goes round again, Jacks original, "I'm sure."

    What's going on with seadog? fuck he makes me laugh,
    Keeps dropping hints like "Twiglet" he's on the sealords staff,
    I once had a boss like that, thought cus he ran the show,
    On every subject known to man, he knew all there is to know.
     
    Last edited: Jan 14, 2013
    • Like Like x 5
  2. Here we go again, just lately unless I am replying to a thread as opposed to starting one I cannot see it in the top 50 for days... why?

    As soon as I ask" why"? it friggin appeared.
    Spooky!.
     
    Last edited: Jan 6, 2013
  3. wet_blobby

    wet_blobby War Hero Moderator

    The CO's are fucking with your head again Rat.........
     
  4. Do you not think the "oiled up" phots I sent you reflect my good looks then Rummers???
     
  5. They tasted salty, did you keep them with the peanuts?
    I've just added a bit to that saga, I have included the CO, why should he escape?
    I'll chuck him off RR if he starts playing his face.
     
  6. I was fuckin crazy to start with, now I dribble
     
  7. More added.
     
  8. Fixed that for you, no charge :)
     
  9. I'd look again now your on the roof.
     
  10. Tough Love.

    Its growing.:shock:
     
  11. Yer a cnut you missed me off
     
  12. silverfox

    silverfox War Hero Moderator Book Reviewer

    'When I was in the Andrew, at sea we slept at night,
    Except when we was standing watch, or closed up for a fight,
    I survived the fighting, I am a lucky man,
    I owe it all to Sea Dart and a nice guy we called Stan. '

    must be another Stan then...
     
  13. It's beautiful.
     
  14. I respectfully refer you to verse 33 young Stanley.
    They were so grateful they named the Capital after you.
     
  15. 2Deck and Stan might want to check the additions.
    Jimbo might not want to, I think the bastards got my address.
     
  16. Your literary prowess is a beauty to behold. Please continue to amuse us and keep going with the verses :salut:
     
  17. Thirteen verses added......................sorry.
     
  18. Fuckin hell Rummers why don’t you offer your services to AG as the author for his next book competition, I’m a dyslexic so will have to copy and print that lot and sneak off to the bog to read, it will take me half a fringing hour is my guess.
    I’ll see if I can come back with a one liner once I have digested all that drivel, happy new year you old git
     
  19. Rummers Thanks for brightening up an otherwise dull day ^^
     
  20. I was out riding my bike (that contraption Monty's trying to figure out which is the front) and I was suddenly thinking about a verse, and turned left beautifully.
    Pity about that though as most cyclists don't try and ride through walls.
    I have a hole in my nice cycling gloves and a grazed thumb as well as a cut on my lower lip.
    I'll get that fuckin wall back I swear I will.
     

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