It's been a long time coming

Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by flymo, Jan 8, 2011.

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  1. My stint as permanent messman\mess chefs comes to an end on Monday when I start a grown up job. After over two years as a househusband I'm now re-entering the rate race and sliding back into the IT security world.

    Plus we need the money pretty damn sharpish too :-(

    Now, has office etiquette changed anything over the past two years? What can and can't I get away with?
  2. call "naked office" about 10 minutes after you enter the building to endeer yourself to your fellow workmates and as a team building exercise to
  3. I think farting loudly is still considered rude, and I'm pretty sure scratching your bundle still is only done whilst playing pocket billiards.
    Don't work on the "well I wouldn't mind" theory as lets be honest apart from shitting in your oppo's tot, most things in your world are acceptable.
    I think you should join a "crab" forum for tips on the gentle side of life.
    And for fuck sake ditch the "Guide to gentile life style" by B.L Ackrat, its a crock.:toothy3:
  4. In my last paid employment I recall playing pocket billiards whilst sat opposite my gorgeous female colleague. To this day I am sure that another person in the IT team could see what I was doing. :winkrazz:
    If I am with a gorgeous bit of skank and that now that things are out in the open would I just undo my flies and do away with the middle man? Am just asking as I don't want to appear a knob on my first day and all that ..

    RR: Chin up shipmate :)
  5. Good luck I got told off for wearing a christmas hat over christmas. To be fair it was a whole raindeer on my head but still. Also swearing is frowned apon in my office for some strange reason. People also find it strange if you talk to them face to face instead of sending an email.
  6. You mean B.L. Ackrat is Jewish :eek:mfg:, I never knew that. I wonder what they did with the bit they chopped off?
  7. I suppose it is entirely dependent on what type of office you work in.

    Yesterday morning I came in and found one of the lads had hidden a pack of hardcore, goat porn, playing cards all over the place.

    They were literally everywhere, I lifted my laptop to find a card with a bird being pissed into on it, I opened my draw to be greeted with a nice bukkake scene, in fact as I type this I can see one that has clearly been photographed from under a coffee table, it's sticking out of my pen pot.

    I love my job.
  8. Ageing_Gracefully

    Ageing_Gracefully War Hero Moderator Book Reviewer

    Remember, when your new Boss is showing you the new job, say to him/her "And just WTF do you know about it?"

    Works every time, believe me.
  9. I find saying this while inches from their face and jabbing your forefinger into their chest gets the point across nicely.

    Another great workplace phrase is to stop someone halfway through a chat, preferably during a meeting and say ''sorry, is this going to take long?''
  10. Or wait for them to finish a long story or explanation and say "and your point is?"
  11. Is that like saying, "Sorry, have you got any sort, interesting dits?":icon_smile:
  12. Sadly the bit they chopped off accounted for 95% of the whole. It may now throw light on the fact that whilst serving in the 7th armored he was often refereed to as the clitoris kid.:toothy3::toothy3:
  13. If unfortunately you do happen to drop out a sneaky but lethal anal omission, blatantly shout out "hello am I expected to work in this foul environment".
    Make sure you shout first a s there may well be other ex matelots in the vicinity.:toothy3:

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