It's a pure dead give-away that you're scottish if :-

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous' started by witsend, Nov 11, 2011.

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  1. witsend

    witsend War Hero Book Reviewer


    Last edited: Aug 19, 2013
    • Like Like x 5
  2. Ageing_Gracefully

    Ageing_Gracefully War Hero Moderator Book Reviewer

    25. You love winding up the English (mind you, that is not a purely Scottish trait! :) )
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  3. For some reason you think that a full loaf of bread only qualifies as a half-loaf.
  4. 26 When in warmer climes you have to change colour from blue to white before even thinking of getting a suntan
  5. Dont you mean going Red? =-D
  6. There you go Wits, I've made it more real .
    • Like Like x 2
  7. Magda

    Magda War Hero Book Reviewer

    27. You know that Scottish Plain makes the best toast ever, full stop.
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  8. A million Scottish women a day pick up a tin of beans and say there's wan missin.
    The man comes home from the boozer to find his missus sitting on top of an englishman bouncing away quite merrily, and it only cost the Pompey based lad half a heavy
  9. Oh - and she gasps ye can put it in but ye canna squirt it
    I ken what ye mean but ma holes too wee

  10. Guzz actually and it was half of heavy:oops:
    Last edited: Nov 11, 2011
  11. Why the **** do you Northern ***** insist on calling everyone Ken?

    In my entire life, I can honestly say I've never met a real person called Ken.

    Ya Ken?

  12. And she gave me the taxi fare to Faslavatory from Dumbarton
  13. Is that a Scottish soap opera?
    • Like Like x 1
  14. Magda

    Magda War Hero Book Reviewer

    Just thought of another:

    # You know how to pronounce Kilncadzow correctly :-D
  15. When you invite a horny young matelot to your flat,give him a very,very good Scottish rogering then wonder why he did a runner when he recognised your fiance's picture on the bedside table, who just happened to be one of Scotlands most famous boxers!
    It happened to me and I couldn't get out of there fast enough and the rest of my runs ashore were in a different part of town.
    Life's too short for that risk!but she certainly knew all the body clinches!
  16. Edited because the joke didn't work
    Last edited: Nov 12, 2011
  17. You have a chip on both shoulders.
  18. I knew a killick stoker who thought nothing of spending £150 on buying every single top of the teams playing England in the 2006 World Cup. He was bitter for some reason.
  19. You know you live in Edinburgh when:

    It’s called Embra.

    The “season of mists and mellow fruitfulness” is summer, without the fruitfulness bit.

    A road is a long trench with cars sitting beside it.

    Every August you pay an involuntary levy of an extra 10% on the price of drinks and taxis.

    You know someone who knows someone who’s the inspiration of a character in Trainspotting.

    The big hotel at the east end of Princes Street is called “The North British”. End. Of. Story.

    Your mum/dad/uncle/aunt’s friend insists they were on Sean Connery’s milkround OR painted him when he was a life model.

    They were also at Tynecastle for the 0-7 game. (It must have had a capacity of 150,000 back then.)

    Your doctor, lawyer, estate agent and mortgage adviser all went to the same school.

    Scotland is divided into five regions: us, Fife, Borders, Highlands and apocalyptic industrial wasteland that should
    really be part of Northern Ireland.

    There is one condiment for fish suppers. And one only.
    • Like Like x 2
  20. Actually have to agree with you there Wits.

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