Navy Net - Royal Navy Community

Register a free account today to become a member! Once signed in, you'll be able to participate on this site by adding your own topics and posts, as well as connect with other members through your own private inbox!

Its a dogs life

Well it started yesterday, the builders have been knocking fcuk out of the house new bathrooms toilet etc and as such the mutt has been neglected. So out of compassion I took the little flea infested fcuker for a long walk down the fields, he had a great time chasing the farmers sheep and trying to catch the Miximatosis riddled rabbits blind as fcuk but they can still run even if its into the river.
Got home covered in shit (me not the dog) and the missus had made Fajitas for scran the dog had the leftovers and thnking he might still be hungry I fed him a carton of Asda Heroes dogfood and alas decided to mix it with some of the Moggies I ams.
Well fcuk my tall hat I awoke at 7am with the most horrendous nose blocking stench and the first reaction was to kick the missus thinking it was an eruption from her monstrously fat arse - but no it was much much worse the dog had deposited an enormous brown glutenous dump by the bedroom door with steam still gently rising from the crest, to make matters worse it was so big and so close to the door that I couldn't get the door open so had to scoop it up with the wifes knickers she'd left on the floor, the dog was quaking with fear under the bed and as soon as the door was opened he was out like a rocket got to the front door and vomited the remainder of the wifes Fajita (says a lot about her cooking and hygene skills) But I had the last laugh watching him run round the garden with just the tip of my wellington boot sticking out the back of his engorged anus.
Tonights delight Spagbog but guess whos not getting the leftovers
 

seafarer1939

War Hero
My Heart bleeds for you Mate but the certain cure is,being a Farmers son,keep dogs in a kennel outside at night and most of the day come to think of it.
They like it it's their little bungalow with the bonus you won't get cat shit in your garden.
Saw a couple in the pub, their little dog was playing up and the wife turned to her husband and said" You can see who she takes after can't you!"
FFS! it's a Fecking dog.
Build the mutt a kennel then train it to scoop it's own shit up!
 

Blackrat

War Hero
Moderator
Book Reviewer
You should have shown your misses the shitty kecks and then shown her the door.
 

Ageing_Gracefully

War Hero
Moderator
Review Editor
Book Reviewer
You should be proud of the mutt. Can you not remember the pride you felt when stinking out the whole area with one of your own offerings. For us wearers of green, that was usually after spending some length of time on compo then being reintroduced to beer! :):pottytrain2::toilet:
 
Been getting my own back on the little fecker I roll him over onto his back as if to give him a scratch then twat his knob with a plastic ruler that the missus usually uses on me.
 

Blackrat

War Hero
Moderator
Book Reviewer
You want to watch out stan. The little fucker might curl one out in your slippers.
 
Thread starter Similar threads Forum Replies Date
MoD_RSS Newly trained dogs heading for prison wings to sniff out illegal drugs MoD News 0
MoD_RSS COVID-19 detection dogs trial launches MoD News 0
R HMS Raleigh and guide dogs Joining the Royal Navy 5
MoD_RSS Sniffer dogs at the border join fight against African swine fever MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Isathal 10 mg/g eye drops, suspension for dogs, cats and rabbits - product defect recall alert MoD News 0
MoD_RSS News story: The Long Paw of the Law - Meet Dstl's Police Dogs MoD News 0
C Going to the dogs! Diamond Lil's 19
MoD_RSS News story: Army top dogs in Reserves recruitment MoD News 0
MG Maniac I Fecking Love Dogs Me Diamond Lil's 2145
MG Maniac Who Let The Dogs out???????? Diamond Lil's 2
soleil BFBS: "Military Dogs Swim To Survive The Heat" Bases / Shore Est 0
MoD_RSS News story: Military working dogs deploy to Afghanistan MoD News 0
cooksmate Best Gaurd Dogs in the world. Diamond Lil's 8
C The Dogs Dinner Charity 0
soleil BFBS: "Afghanistan - Military Dogs Get New Training Area" Bases / Shore Est 2
stan_the_man Why dogs sniff ********* Diamond Lil's 0
trelawney126 Dogs die in Police Van (Yet again) Current Affairs 23
trelawney126 771 SAR. Going to the Dogs (rescue) The Fleet Air Arm 0
J Latin for you under educated dogs... Diamond Lil's 5
soleil Navy News: "Calling All Sea Dogs!" The Quarterdeck 14
I PTSD Therapy Dogs Current Affairs 5
D All dogs could be insured under dangerous breeds plans Current Affairs 60
WreckerL Mad Welshmen and their dogs Diamond Lil's 1
jumpinjarhead US Marine Corps Employing Dogs to Detect IEDs Current Affairs 0
trelawney126 Dogs Rehoused Current Affairs 4
B Police Dogs Die in Car In Heatwave Current Affairs 15
A Deployments, Unrealistic Laws and Fostering Dogs Nearest & Dearest 3
RonJeremy Dogs in clothes Diamond Lil's 3
T Inflatable Dogs.... for when space is tight! Diamond Lil's 2
Montigny_La_Palisse Murdering Officers Dogs..... Diamond Lil's 41
Cpt_Black There's hope for all the old sea dogs yet... Diamond Lil's 2
BillyNoMates Mad Dogs & Submariners..... Submariners 7
LujonSA Dogs Nearest & Dearest 3
slim RECORD NUMBER OF DOGS PASSING GCSEs Diamond Lil's 3
BillyNoMates The Dogs of War Diamond Lil's 1
H Mad dogs and Diamond Lil's 7
A Dogs and Catt.... The Gash Barge 6
Shakey Yorkshire - home of Britain's hardest dogs. Diamond Lil's 16
Shakey Police dogs Current Affairs 1
MoD_RSS NHS patients to receive life-saving COVID-19 treatments that could cut hospital time by 10 days MoD News 0
MoD_RSS UK pledges urgent life-saving aid for families hit by coronavirus and hunger around the world MoD News 0
MoD_RSS British Embassy Bangkok hosted the screening of Sir David Attenborough’s latest documentary ‘A Life on Our Planet’ MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Intimidation in Public Life: progress report on recommendations MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Intimidation in Public Life: letters from the Liberal Democrats MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Intimidation in Public Life: letters from the Conservative Party MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Intimidation in Public Life: correspondence with the Scottish National Party MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Intimidation in Public Life: letters from Impress MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Ochre from mine water gets new lease of life as artists’ pigment MoD News 0
MoD_RSS New NHS Test and Trace plan to support return to more normal way of life MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Breaking new ground with eco drive to bring the country’s verges to life MoD News 0
Similar threads


















































Latest Threads

Top