Its a dogs life

Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by stan_the_man, Feb 18, 2012.

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  1. Well it started yesterday, the builders have been knocking fcuk out of the house new bathrooms toilet etc and as such the mutt has been neglected. So out of compassion I took the little flea infested fcuker for a long walk down the fields, he had a great time chasing the farmers sheep and trying to catch the Miximatosis riddled rabbits blind as fcuk but they can still run even if its into the river.
    Got home covered in shit (me not the dog) and the missus had made Fajitas for scran the dog had the leftovers and thnking he might still be hungry I fed him a carton of Asda Heroes dogfood and alas decided to mix it with some of the Moggies I ams.
    Well fcuk my tall hat I awoke at 7am with the most horrendous nose blocking stench and the first reaction was to kick the missus thinking it was an eruption from her monstrously fat arse - but no it was much much worse the dog had deposited an enormous brown glutenous dump by the bedroom door with steam still gently rising from the crest, to make matters worse it was so big and so close to the door that I couldn't get the door open so had to scoop it up with the wifes knickers she'd left on the floor, the dog was quaking with fear under the bed and as soon as the door was opened he was out like a rocket got to the front door and vomited the remainder of the wifes Fajita (says a lot about her cooking and hygene skills) But I had the last laugh watching him run round the garden with just the tip of my wellington boot sticking out the back of his engorged anus.
    Tonights delight Spagbog but guess whos not getting the leftovers
     
  2. :laughing2::laughing2::laughing2:
     
  3. My Heart bleeds for you Mate but the certain cure is,being a Farmers son,keep dogs in a kennel outside at night and most of the day come to think of it.
    They like it it's their little bungalow with the bonus you won't get cat shit in your garden.
    Saw a couple in the pub, their little dog was playing up and the wife turned to her husband and said" You can see who she takes after can't you!"
    FFS! it's a Fecking dog.
    Build the mutt a kennel then train it to scoop it's own shit up!
     
  4. PMSL Stan! 'kin Epic!
     
  5. Blackrat

    Blackrat War Hero Moderator Book Reviewer

    You should have shown your misses the shitty kecks and then shown her the door.
     
  6. Ageing_Gracefully

    Ageing_Gracefully War Hero Moderator Book Reviewer

    You should be proud of the mutt. Can you not remember the pride you felt when stinking out the whole area with one of your own offerings. For us wearers of green, that was usually after spending some length of time on compo then being reintroduced to beer! :):pottytrain2::toilet:
     
  7. Been getting my own back on the little fecker I roll him over onto his back as if to give him a scratch then twat his knob with a plastic ruler that the missus usually uses on me.
     
    • Like Like x 1
  8. Blackrat

    Blackrat War Hero Moderator Book Reviewer

    You want to watch out stan. The little fucker might curl one out in your slippers.
     
  9. Serves you right for feeding a dog cat food!Read the fucking label!No sympathy at all!
     

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