it's 01:16hrs in the moring and can't sleep!

Discussion in 'Joining Up - Royal Navy Recruiting' started by ship_rat, Jun 15, 2007.

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  1. hi all
    this has been my third night of not being able to sleep properly so sorry for the miss spelling of words and a major lack of grammer.
    the problem:-
    I know that it is up to me and me alone that signs the paperwork on monday. but I'm just not sure.. I wasn't sure at the RNAC and I'm not sure now. I'm 25yrs old, female, done 7yrs TA service, have a partner which I have been with for 5/6 yrs I've worked with him, lived with him (and still do) been shot at with him, bo**ocked with him and put up with him on occasion but I do love him and worry about him. And yes No lie it will be hard for me with out Him.
    I feel that the choice is him or the RN don't get me wrong the RN is a great career and I can see that, I have done many jobs court usher, security guard, dustbin person, gardener, HGV diver, drivers mate, storeman, comunications tech and many more! I want a job that is secure, fun challenging, something to be proud of, have friends, get qualifications, be part of a team.. I feel that the RN can fullfill that, but I don't want to go in find its not for me and waste the RN time, it wouldn't be fair.
    sometimes I think I worry to much! lol I proberby do!
    still.... sitting here typing this at 01:30hrs in the morning is making me feel better. but still does not answer the question though! I have tried writting the pro's and con's: (gone to get a cup of tea)
    pro's:- joining as an AET - qualifications, friends, challeging job, adventure training, playing with aircraft, the gym, diveing, pay, food, don't have to wash up any more! (I hope!)
    cons:- missing people like my partner, mum, dad, brother, some times long hours, sea sickness (I do suffer not badly, just not brillianty).
    these are the one that have just come to me, they are in no peticular order. I stiil not sure.. looking at this and considering how late in the day it is I should be.
    I don't no whats worse sayin really sorry mate but I'm not sure this is what I want to do to the RN officer with the pen in his / her hand or sitting at the dinner table tomorrow night with all the famliy around and saying I don't think or I'm not sure that I want to do this. especially after they have help me out with money to buy the stuff on the kit list, and me say yep I want to join. I don't think it would go down to well! hum (deep though and a yawn), I think I should try and get some sleep! I actuly feel quite tired now, well now that I have got this off my chest as it were.
    thanx for just reading this, and any suggestions would be greatfull.


    ps to the Mods if you want get rid of this by all means!
    goodnight all
  2. Tough call shippers - wouldn't want to be in your shoes.

    You could always postpone for a year or two and try the RNR to get a bit of an inside view and help with your decision either way.

    Hope you had a good nights sleep (says he who is on nights and is not allowed to go to sleep!)
  3. silverfox

    silverfox War Hero Moderator Book Reviewer

    Where to start....

    The first thing has to be that if you're not sure then don't commit. No job in the world is worth your sanity or sense of well-being. Having said that there is no recruit in the world who doesn't rock up for training without some questions and butterflies, its human nature. But what they do have is a pretty good idea that this is the way they want to go. These recruits however usually have the advantage of being much younger, and had not got a previously well defined life to change; I've seen this at Dartmouth where the average age of New Entry Officers is at least 5-6 years older than when I joined. This brings with it all sorts of issues - yes they are generally more mature but they also have had to radically alter their lives and that does bring difficulties with partners etc etc.

    Reading your post it seems to me that your biggest worry is the separation issue. I cannot give a staff answer to that, only you know deep down whether or not you can cope with it. All I can say is that thousand's of us do and that it’s not impossible. It’s not easy at times - I am on my second Op Tour inside a year for example - and it takes a special type of relationship to deal with. You have done time in the TA; the RNR will not improve upon that as there is no substitute for the real thing....

    What is important to remember is that by standing up and saying that you don't think you can make that commitment does not make you a bad person, and no-one from the uniformed would say so. It’s a lot easier to deal with now than later - believe me I know!! One method I've seen work is to set yourself milestones. Don't think of the RN as a never ending road that stretches into the distance - set yourself goals and milestones. Aim to reach a certain standard, achieve certain qualifications and then promise yourself a career review and a decision point where you can decide to go if you want to. What is the aim of your career? Is it to get a level of competence, experience and training that will allow you a second career as a civilian? If that is the case then good for you and the road map approach will help break it down into bite size chunks. Try not to think of the RN as a bank of fog into which you are about to disappear and therefore lose sight of you loved ones- its not, honest!!!

    At the end of the day though, I'm afraid that only you can make the call. The only advice I have left though, and I think this is the most important bit, is that whatever call you make STICK WITH IT. You MUST NOT spend time thinking "if only.." or "I wonder†that will do no good at all. Make your choice and go for it, we only get one go at this life and we have to play the hand we are dealt.

    Best of luck and feel free to come back.
  4. Right, you have got to think about what you want, put aside consideration of others for the moment. If you do decide not to go, you may disappoint some people, but they will get over it.

    But you are the one facing a life changing choice, so you have to do what is best for you.

    As for the sea sickness, I would not worry about that too much (I used to get it for a couple of hours every time we left the wall, but that was it over with, and never suffered again until we had been tied up somewhere for a couple of weeks).

    Whatever you decide good luck, and if you do go for it, remember this Raleigh is not the RN, it is a place that is designed to get you ready for the fleet, and to weed out those that the fleet does not want.
  5. Just as a matter of interest, I joined age 16, left age 17 and I got back in when I was 25, in general it was much easier the 2nd time round, and not only because I had done it before, but strangely it was harder leaving friends and family the 2nd time
  6. Ship Rat, sorry to hear that things are keeping you up at night, I know the feeling :)
    Your Pro's, whilst they are all worthy, seem a bit "textbook answer" to me. After alls said and done, you have to join up for YOU, because theres that "something" that makes you want to do it that you can't quite put your finger on (in my opinion) :)

    As for your cons mate. Honestly, you never quite lose the feelings of missing your family, thats only natural, although it does get easier and don't forget that these days there are plenty of methods of communication with home.
    If you only suffer mild sea sickness then that really isn't a problem. I still feel woozy for the first few days out (You'd be surprised how many do) and stugeron really is your friend here! Or Ginger Nuts if you don't like to take tablets (they really work!).

    Remember to take what you see on this site with a european salt mountain too, because disillusioned moaners like me love it really, its just like any other job in that sense, you get your bad days and lots of good days, but sometimes only remember the bad ;)
    Be excited, not nervous. You are just about to start a very rewarding career.
  7. Hey Ship_rat

    I'm in a simular boat - i've got a start date of 7th Oct. I too have a long term partner who i live with. I'm also 25 and female, been to uni, worked in a number of unfulfilling jobs, but generally I have a pretty good live.

    At the start of the year i decided i was bored with floating along and getting by. Earning enought money to survive ie rent , socializing etc but I wanted more. Travel, savings, maybe a house - all of which were not possible. I talked it through with my partner. Initailly i thought it'd be like the army - i have a friend who's been in for 4 years commutes from the south coast every day and has weekends off. My partner was happy to support me and knew that it's something i 'needed' to do.

    On looking into it more seriously it became clear that the Navy is unlike the Army in that respect and that i would be spending alot of time away from home - but the more i looked into it - website, on here, ACFO the more i realised that the Navy is the right place for me at this time in my life, and if i don't do it now i will live to regret it.

    Joining up now means that if you want you can be out in 4 years - you'll still be under 30, think what you were doing 4 years ago.............i'd just joined Royal Mail for what i thought was going to be a short term thing, 4 years later i'm still there (getting out at the right time now though!!) And it's flown by.

    If you have the support of your parner and it sound like you have - then do it - if it's meant to be it will be and if it's not then at least your not going to be regretting it somewhere down the line. My partners used it as an insentive to spur them on into doing something more - just got a better job with a 10 grand increase and better prospects (could of afforded the bloody travel and house now - Joke)!!

    Anyway good look mate and let me know how you get on. You've asked all the questions i'd have and more, and helped me during the application and joining process.


    Nicky xx
  8. ship_rat, there is only one person who can properly look after you, and thats you. Its not an easy choice and a leap of faith may be required. But i really wouldnt leave your partner/family/friends out of the loop here, a relationship is built upon sharing the good times and the bad. They may be able to help you and even take some of the worry off you, therefore helping you to sleep. Whatever you chose, best of luck. I was told along time ago to 'Never regret what you have done, just regret what you havent'.
  9. Ninja_Stoker

    Ninja_Stoker War Hero Moderator


    Couple of pointers mate, this is a weekly occurence, honestly.

    Everyone has reservations, without exception, but you have an easy exit if you want it - at least give it a try.

    As my former workmate always used to say (until I got fed-up & punched her- I'm in court next week) : "It's better to do something & live to regret it, than regret NOT doing it".

    Don't worry about signing on, you can walk out the door 4 weeks later if it's that bad. Truth is, as is frequently stated, training is not representative of what the job is actually like.

    Thinking about it at ridiculous o'clock doesn't help either!
  10. If it was an easy choice you would have made it already, that's clear, and of course none of us can make the choice for you, that would not be an answer either. Now I am one of the old farts who has been out the Andrew for longer than you have been alive, so if you like ignore anything I have to say.

    In my experience there are times in your life where you have to make choices and live with the consequences, if at the end you can say you did the right thing then you did, because at the end of the day it how you feal, what you want from life that is right. Yes in your case it will affect some one else but if not joining is wrong for you then in the end it will be equally wrong for your partner. Clearly from the list of jobs you have done your life has not been that stable, but you are willing to try which is not bad. Yes the Andrew can give you that stability and comradeship, teamwork etc that you crave, aand if it is the only way you can see to achieving that perhaps that is your answer.

    As far as the separation aspects go advice here is difficult, after all I am a man and I did it over 40 years ago, but once again you have to be the judge of how you will cope, how he will cope and how you as a couple will cope. I always have a bit of a suspicion that if a relationship is going t survive it will survive separation, but that is but a guess.

    As for sea sickness, as suggested above don't worry, key things are don't go to sea pissed or with a hangover, use pills, wrist bands or anything welse that helps and for almost every one after a few days you will be fine.

    Good luck and I am sure in the end you will make the right choice for you.
  11. Hey Shiprat! U were on my RNAC - u had a nickname as george or something for a laugh right???
    Anyway, dont be silly! Ur just nervous... go and try the four weeks. At the end of the day, if you really cant cope you can walk out of the door after 4 weeks with no losses. And im sure your existing job would have you back!
    Another one to think about - God forbid... but WHAT IF (im not saying it ever will) ur relationship was to break down (we never think they will, but truth is most eventually do). You would hate yourself and your partner forever more for not taking this opportunity! And you would end up like thousands of the saddos that are constantly saying to me now 'good luck in the navy Jon... i was going to do it when i was young but...'
    Don't let anyone get in the way of your life, ever. Just go for it... and if your partner really is all that then you'll both cope fine with the gaps in between. I promise you!
    And besides you'll make marksmen no problem from what i seen!
  12. hi it's nice to hear from you.
    you are right.. just at 01:30hrs in the morning it just doesn't seem that way. apart from that my partner can't wait for me to go.. he gets the double bed to himself and to drink a full cup of coffee with out me sipping at it. I think if he as the chance he will be pushing me on the train lol!
    I think the best thing I can do is go for it. at least then I can say "hay I join the RN and it wasn't for me, but at least I did it!" what have I got to lose 4 weeks of my time and at worst 4yrs. your right work would take me back, they did not really want me to leave in the first place.
    as for my partner we have talked about it, he just wants me to be happy, if I do go or don't go he will support me either way.
    yes my nick name is george as in george of the jungle, I bump into things alot, when I was on exersise in the TA I used to bump into the trucks at night, thank god I was wearing a helmet! lol!
    thanx jonno

    lamri - you are right when I started, wanted to join RN I didn't know exactly why, I could happy give you the textbook answer till the cows come home. I did the same for the TA when I went to interview in front of the OC at HQ squadron. it just felt right there was nothing inside me but a feeling of calm, please don't ask me why. all the other jobs I have done I have never had the same feeling apart from the TA and this one. normaly my gut instict would kick in and say NO way or Not sure but it hasn't so I guess it's ok. but thanx for the advice. also thanx for the ginger nut's I will remember that when I am on the dive boat!

    SF - thanx, reading your post as well as the others put it back into perspective, as I said it just didn't look that way at 01:30hrs in the morning. I have used the milestone method before and it does work well, it gave me a goal to go towards, especially when I had trouble getting upgraded from a class 2 tech to a class 1 tech. as for the seperation the only way that I can judge if it will work or not is to do it.. as you say it's not th real thing otherwise. thanx for the advice.

    KLNA-Cessna-Jockey- thanx mate, sorry to hear you are on the night shift, but after I wrote this I got a full 8hrs sleep my partner had to drag me out of bed to get the days chores done.

    for Maxi_77, Blood, Mikh, Nicky_D, ninja_stoker thanx to you all for replying to this post. you have helped, it is nice to know that I am not the only one that goes through this and to bring my problem back into perspective. thanx again to you all

  13. As i see it we have here two females with the same problem, to join or not to join, and talk of leaving after four years, which seems to be happening quite a lot of late, from what I`ve read on these forums. From my point of view and for what its worth, if you have doubts don`t do it, although It`s a far different Royal Navy to the one that i joined i think that you still have to make a commitment.
    There are lots of people on here who served a short time and say that they regret leaving, theres really no answer to that, you`re either committed to a carear or you`re not.
    If you are in a stable relationship, then ask yourself why wrens leave? Children, marriage whatever, as i said, if in doubt don`t do it.
  14. Ship_Rat, you're only human mate, who wouldn't have second thoughts or doubts, You may have the TA experience but going into the regulars means a 24/7 commitment for X number of years, it's a big step.
    I think if all the serving/served members were honest they would readily admit to being at least nervous prior to their first day, I was, even with the Pre-Training courses (PRMC-RNAC) it's still a huge change to your and your loved ones lives.
    You'll have times when you think "What the hell am I doing here." we all have, (Mine started as soon as I got off the train at Lympstone). Just set yourself manageable goals ie Get to Raliegh, get through 1st week etc.
    Work on relaxing as well, cut down on coffee, take a good long soak before bed etc, lying awake worrying will transform a small concern into a big obstacle.
    Good luck
  15. Higs, it a major step for anyone to join the forces, I doubt that anyone joining does not have at least a few seconds of thoughts of 'wtf am I doing' or 'am I doing the right thing'. As stated I joined twice, the first time round I was too fecking cocksure and immature to make a go of it, 2nd time round I did 7 years and would probably have stayed if I had not got married (I know that sounds like a cop out, but for every bloke I knew who was in a Strong happy marriage in the mob I knew two who were divorced). Service life (especially RN) puts a great strain on a relationship, but it also offers a great way of life as compensation.

    Ship_Rat, again good luck, I really hope it works out for you, but please bear in mind, 4 weeks at Raleigh does not give you 0.1% of the experience that navy life can offer, so please do not make any rash choices too early, if you have 2nd thoughts in those first 4 weeks, discuss it with your Divisional Senior Rate, express your concerns and listen very carefully to what they have too say. I have been out too long to know what the terms and conditions are now, but they will let you know what your options are, although back in the day (always wanted to say that - sad eh) you had 3 months to go PVR if you were over 17.5 and 6 months if you were under (at least that's the way I remember it).

    Right the booze is kicking in big style now, and I am having to really really concentrate on the keyboard(s)
  16. Must be tough, but what was the question????
  17. Its 02:30 and I can't sleep either, good job I'm working a nightshift!!!
  18. janner

    janner War Hero Book Reviewer

    Ship_rat, never take advice from a Black Rat, you'll always end up in the poo......
  19. Ship rat, both Slim & Silverfox have suggested that if you have doubts then don't do it. I would say to you that we all have doubts when we undertake something that is a big step into the unknown, so it's only natural. You may join up and realise that it's not for you or on the other hand you may find out that it's the best decision you've ever made in your life. You won't know until take that leap and do it. If you don't do it you could forever go through life wondering 'what if..' and be one of those people that so many of us in the mob have met who've said "I nearly joined the navy".

    As has already been said, you can get out during your first few weeks of training, but I think that's never really a good idea. Training is not the real job and you'd probably wish that you'd stuck it out to find out what it's really like. After training you'd do a minimum of 4 years, which all considered in the grand scheme of things, is only a very short time in one's life. Out of the class of trainees that I joined with, a couple left in those first few weeks and I think there's only a couple of us left 20 years later.

    The navy can give you tremendous opportunities and rewards if you make the most of what is offered to you, and you will make some wonderful friends who share an outlook and a bond that the average '9 'til 5' civvy will never understand.

    As for your personal relationship. It sounds as if your other half is fully supportive which is half the battle and friends and family are never too far away. (Unless you're on the other side of the world, and that doesn't happen too often these days).

    Whatever you decide to do, best of luck.
  20. I can honestly relate ship rat. I felt exactly the same way during my application process. (The fact that it took so long, and so much happened in my life during that time did'nt help either).
    Anyway, I ended up in the reserves, and personally it was the right choice for me (maybe you too), but only you can decide. You should bare in mind that transfering to regular RN is always an option in the future anyway.
    You should also bare in mind that there is a definate very good chance that you will be away from home / loved ones most of the time if you do dedcide to go regular, so if being away is that much of an issue to you, then maybe the reserve route would better suit.

    But hey, what do I know?

    Good luck whatever mate, I'm sure you'll make the right choice

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