It dosen't sound the same.

If you take a phrase, song title, tv programme, in fact whatever the hell you can think of
and swap out a few words and replace them with Jack-speak - it all sort of goes tits up.


"Bopping Brown Hatter" (A classic ABBA song)

"Crabby Harry" (Clint Eastwood detective movie)

"Gen-dit Bollocks" (An action movie starring Arnold Schwarzenegger and Jamie-Lee Curtis)

"That's Starboard, That's Starboard, That's Starboard, Thats Starboard....I really love your Helicopter Cruiser feet!"

(Pop band *Mud* Sounds fucking daft)

"A shed-load of Klebbies" (A Clint Eastwood spag-bol western, completely fucked)

Websites would suffer a sort of lost-in-translation effect also:- (Guess?) (Well, everyone's lost one at sometime or other)

Yup - I don't even have a box to think outside of.

"A Few Klebbies More" (still a Clint Eastwood Shit Kicker)

and while we are on the subject of Shit Kickers

"The Good, The Bad and The Coyote" or the directors cut version "The Good The Bad and The Three Bagger"

"No Shit!" ... John Wayne movie

then theres

"When Harry met The Joss"

"Debbie does 42 Cdo"

"Das Sundodger"

"The Girl with a Minge like the Mersey Tunnel" Stig Svenson or some other swedish sounding name.
Try this next time you and the other half are in a posh restaurant:

"Ready to order sir?"
"What would you like?"
"We'd like T-bone steaks please..."
"How would you like them done?"
"Errrr - one rocking-horse shit and the other a BZ"

(Pray the chef isn't ex mob)


War Hero
Book Reviewer
"Top Coat" = Top Gun
"The Hunt for Red Openings" = ...Red October
"Deep Shit in Honky Fid" = Big Trouble in Little China
"Wrens in Showers" = Gorillas in the Mist
"The bon oeuf, the black catting bastard and the gronk" (Seems spag-bol westerns fit right in)

I cannot imagine Doris Day singing "I'm gonna dhobey that rating right out of my rug" - but it would sound a tad odd.

Al Pacino starring in "First Dog Day make and mend"

04:30 for Christs sake! WAKE UP you loafing gits!

I don't think a television host yelling;

"It's Saturday night and welcome to another round of *Britains got a nuclear powered TLAM capable submarine!"

...would get the audience into a fu**ing frenzy.

And just to prove that I do have a varied taste in movies, I think that this cinematic classic would not have been Oscar winning material if it was called:

"Fried Green Commanches Bollocks at The Whistle Stop Cafe"
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It just don't sound the same (Continued)

Yet more dross from the world of entertainment that gets to sound all totally fu**ed up.

1. Harry "Pusser" Hill introduces another hilarious TV show featuring even more viewers
video clips in which they get into all sorts of fu**ed up situations - aptly entitled:-
"You've been seen off to Fuck"
2. Snakey Blakeys Seven (Re-vamped ancient Sci-fi)
3. Some like it Harry Redders (Ms. Monroe would be spinnin' in her grave)
4. 'Oggin World (A Kevin Costner epic)
5. Alias SMudge and Taff (Not on the cards as one of 'em is brown bread)
6. Monkeys Fist of Fury (Kung Fu - Chinese Laundryman style)
7. Above us - the goffers (Actually makes sense...still)
8. A Big OD on a Foreign Jolly
9. Tinker, Jack Blair, Pongo, Spy
10. Big Yellow Fast Black (Cover version of an old tune)
11. Das Beer Boot
12. The Rocky Gronk Sods Opera
13. "Call the hands little Suzie - call the hands" (Rock'n'Roll yeah man)
14. Shark Watch with Mother (Can't be too careful in Nursery Schools these days)
15. Mission "Fuck this for a game of soldiers" (Tom Cruise movie? Perhaps not)
16. Custers Last Stand Easy
17. "Ships' Company in RNDQ's shouldn't heave rocks" (You know the saying)
18. Thunder Flash Gordon
19. Extreme Fisting with Jimmy Green (A non-starter on The National Geographic Channel)
20. ....and finally, my very own personal favourite - a gritty television police drama set in
Scotland starring the hardest detective of 'em all........."Splash Taggart"
Kinky Progs,......Flog it!....Homos under the Whammer.....Robson Greene's Extreme Flashing....Raver Monsters....Saturday Cockbook.....Bargain Cunt.

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