is this what i have to look forward to?

Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by Benny687, Nov 14, 2007.

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  1. as some of you know im in the slow moving application process for the booties.

    so i goes out saturday night for a few quiet drinks with my friends....
    and wakes up monday morning with a lovely hangover and discover my 'friends' crashed out all over the house. when they woke up, they reminded me of the events of the last couple of nights. apparently...

    they got me hammered, mainly with tequila i think. waxed the front of my body down to cock level (which has left a nasty rash on my chest, anyone know how to deal with?). they said id spent quite a lot of time screaming "WAAHOOOOOOOO" at the top of my lungs. and several of them showed me pictures of myself running around wearing only a thong. they showed me where i had been sick. and the one of these throwbacks who is sposed to be my bezzie showed me the video he had filmed on his mobile of me standing starkers on my garden wall dancing like a mong and singing "murder on the dancefloor" by sophie ellis bextor.

    now i like a drink as much as the next bloke, but this is excessive by my usual reserved standards.

    my worry now is, after speaking to a couple of ex-pongos, both of whom spent time working with the RM and one who did his AACC, is that they both told me that if i get my green lid i would "fit right in!"

    is this the sort of way i should look forward to behaving on a more regular basis? as a disclaimer, i remember none of this. and am sticking to the story that i am a well rounded and refined human being. cough.


    edited for mong punctuation
  2. sgtpepperband

    sgtpepperband War Hero Moderator Book Reviewer

    To be perfectly frank with you, this kind of behaviour is frowned upon in the Naval Service, and should not be enouraged in anyway. In fact, you could be held accountable for your actions, in allowing yourself to get into such a dishevelled condition, and also your colleagues could find themselves investigated for assault...

    ...however, in the Royal Marines this sort of skylarking is permitted - in fact, in some companies it is practically encouraged. Good luck! :thumright:
  3. Huh? jest of course SgtP? o_O (joke!)
  4. I seem to remember an incident involving Royals from 42 Commando, full frontal nudity and rolls of carpet.


    You and your mates could try this on your next night out.
  5. wet_blobby

    wet_blobby War Hero Moderator

    When you join up you'll learn the art of "Grand Slamming", always adds a touch of style to a party.
  6. I think in order for anyone to be able to give the best advice possible, you should really post the pictures and video. That way we can get a true idea of what went on and offer our unbiased advice and support in true RR fashion :number1:
  7. Leeblease, FFS! they are karrimats (rollmats). If we issued Royal with carpet they'll be wanting to sleep indoors next......

    Benny, your oppos assessment is correct, going on benders and losing entire days only to be shown the aftermath of your antics is an entirely normal part of HM Forces behaviour. Just try not to do it in foreign countries where alcohol is banned and they kick seven shades of sh*t out of you for so much as dropping a crisp bag. You never know how many it will take to beat you down but I can tell you how many they will use.

    My Mrs has long since learnt to write my address and promise of cab fare on me before letting me out to get utterly trouserless. She says a sausage butty on the passenger seat is usually enough to get me back in the car if I'm being "difficult".
  8. Sausage butty, I've never heard it called that before.
  10. Shame on you for encouraging this sort of drunken behaviour.
    I am too afraid to leave my excouncil house now because I may get 'jacked' and forced to drink this liquid mind altering substance.

    I would never condone such unabashed wasting of brain cells that took over a day to grow from synapse to synapse.

    Oh the moral decline of this once great country!

  11. I tried Binge drinking but couldnt find anywhere that they sell it.
    Anybody have any ideas where I can buy this mythical brew?
  12. ask some of your customers on a set of weekend nights

    :thumright: :thumright:
  13. ive got a couple of pics from last weekend, il get the data cable out at the weekend and do a little 'before and after' post for you. on the 'after' pic, look out for my mates pointing and laughing at me in the background.

    watch this space, il upload them tomorrow (saturday)

  14. Benny my little poppet, may I suggest you make the most of your party time. During a recent eye test (free because I my father has glaucoma) I was talking to the lady optimologist and we were joking about getting older. She kindly informed me that all I had to look forward to was free mammograms and the menopause.

    I am trying to look on the bright side!
  15. sgtpepperband

    sgtpepperband War Hero Moderator Book Reviewer

    RC: If the thought of a mammogram is distressing to you, can I suggest that I perform it for you? I promise I'll be gentle - and won't bite too hard...

  16. Rosie

    Mammograms are quite painless unless you are suffering from mastalgia when they are being carried out. The modern tendency is to use both ultrasound scanning as well as radiography to look for tissue abnormalities. I've had one ultrasound scan to date (last year) and a couple of mammograms, and am due for another one soon. I should point out that as my gynaecomastia consists of fibrous tissue (as against the fatty breast tissue more commonly found in 'man boobs') one would expect the procedure to be more painful. I actually enjoyed it - especially the female nurse massing the gel into my boobs...... :biggrin:

    PS: Sarge, if that offer is more general..... I accept! :)

  17. You vark that is not a mammogram, that is sex.
  18. Is there a difference????????????????????????????????

  19. Maybe not to you Nutty dear, but I hope no-one bites my boob during any mammogram. I shall be most displeased.
  20. Steve, have you got anything to tell us? Is it possible that you are being drawn back away from the dark side?

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