Is The Customer right

Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by The_Caretaker, Nov 28, 2006.

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  1. Customer: "I've been ringing 0700 2300 for two days and can't get through to enquiries, can you help?".
    Operator: "Where did you get that number from, sir?".
    Customer: "It was on the door to the Travel Centre".
    Operator: "Sir, they are our opening hours".

    Samsung Electronics
    Caller: "Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?"
    Operator: "I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about".
    Caller: "On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?"
    Operator: "I think you mean the telephone point on the wall".

    RAC Motoring Services
    Caller: "Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am travelling in Australia?"

    Operator: " Doesn't the product give you a clue?"
    Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while travelling in France):
    "If I register my car in France, do I have to change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?"

    Directory Enquiries
    Caller: "I'd like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff please".
    Operator: "I'm sorry, there's no listing. Is the spelling correct?"
    Caller: "Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar but the 'B' fell off".
    Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.
    Operator: "Woven? Are you sure?"
    Caller: "Yes. That's what it says on the label; Woven in Scotland".
    On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator:
    "I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the number on".

    Dell Computers:
    Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop".
    Customer: "OK".
    Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?".
    Customer: "No".
    Tech Support: "OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
    Customer: "No".
    Tech Support: "OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?".
    Customer: "Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'".

    Tech Support: "OK. In the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?"
    Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"

    Caller: "I deleted a file from my PC last week and I have just realised that I need it. If I turn my system clock back two weeks will I have my file back again?"

    There's always one. This has got to be one of the funniest things in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for "Termination without Cause".
    Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. (Now I know why they record these conversations!):

    Operator: "Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?"
    Caller: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
    Operator: "What sort of trouble??"
    Caller: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
    Operator: "Went away?"
    Caller: "They disappeared."
    Operator: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
    Caller: "Nothing."
    Operator: "Nothing??"
    Caller: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
    Operator: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??"
    Caller: "How do I tell?"
    Operator: "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??"
    Caller: "What's a sea-prompt?"
    Operator: "Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?"
    Caller: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
    Operator: "Does your monitor have a power indicator??"
    Caller: "What's a monitor?"
    Operator: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??"
    Caller: "I don't know."
    Operator: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??"
    Caller: "Yes, I think so."
    Operator: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.
    Caller: "Yes, it is."
    Operator: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??"
    Caller: "No."
    Operator: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
    Caller: "Okay, here it is."
    Operator: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
    Caller: "I can't reach."
    Operator: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??"
    Caller: "No."
    Operator: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??"
    Caller: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark."
    Operator: "Dark??"
    Caller: "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."
    Operator: "Well, turn on the office light then."
    Caller: "I can't."
    Operator: "No? Why not??"
    Caller: "Because there's a power failure."
    Operator: "A power... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in??"
    Caller: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
    Operator: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
    Caller: "Really? Is it that bad?"
    Operator: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."
    Caller: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"
    Operator: "Tell them you're too f*****g stupid to own a computer!!"
  2. heard the last one before but still good for a laugh and to know there are still stupid people ot there
  3. i currently work in a call centre and there really are some stupid people in this world. just small stupid things like people thinking that sky broadband comes through their satelite dish and don't understand why they need a phoneline, when having problems with their digibox i'd ask them to switch it off at the plug to reboot it, and ofcourse there cordless handset was plugged into the same adapter so disconnecting the call. Also someone called up because her broadband wasn't working anymore. i checked her account and it all seemed fine, checked a new things and there most have been a problem with the line. i suggested she contact BT to see whats happened to her phoneline. i was informed that she fell out with BT and cancelled her line with them. (and she wondered why her Broadband stopped working :roll: ) For a mobile phone company people shouting and treatening to sue me because they thought by a "free mobile phone" that it would be FREE and not with a montly contract as it clearly stated.

    I'm sure there are some better ones. if i think of anymore or indeed get any tomorrow, i'll let yous know :lol:
  4. Very good, wouldnt surprise me if people, really do these type of things. :)
  5. Customer stupidity is an epidemic over here, as well.
    I am a field supervisor for a local franchise of the worlds largest carpet-cleaning company, and I deal with it every day.
    A lady called up demanding that we re-clean her carpet again for free, as it "got dirty again." A year later :roll:
  6. Hi there tare_caker, you must have a cushy number having the time to type out the funnies :D :D
  7. An oppo of mines aunt used to work in the Durex factory complaints dept. A bloke rang up and complained that he didn't like the smell of the said rubberised item. My mates aunt replied that "your not supposed to put it on your fucking nose" :lol:
  8. I had a patient last week, who came to me raging about the request form her doctor had given her. She was screaming, saying, "I don't know why he's put this, the cheeky devil! What does it mean?". She points to the ethnicity box the doctor's ticked. Caucasian. Starting to think she might be taking the piss. Eventually decided she was being serious and so said, "White!" very loudly so she would be embarrassed by her own stupidity.

    I used to work in ASDA. Now i heard a few gems there!
  9. I have one very cushy job,
    Monday start 08.00 work till 14.00 off till 18.00 finish 20.00
    Tuesday to Thursday start at 08.00 finish at 14.00
    Friday start at 08.00 work till 14.00 off till 18.00 finish at 19.00
    No weekend working
    18.000 a year
    free flat
    Do not pay for Rent,Phone,Electricity, heating, all cleaning materials, toilet paper, light fittings internet access ALL FREE

    Not a bad job,
    These type of jobs the employees love ex service
  10. Gissa job :!:

    I bet you walked round barracks with a sheet of paper under your arm :p
  11. Best job I had was marching the recruits to the MD for there medical at Deal, I was riding a bike.

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