Innocent innuendo's

It was my 30th wedding anniversary yeaterday which is pearl, so being in touch with my sensitive side I bought the Mrs a pearl pendant on a silver chain.

However my Mrs being a tadge naive (you can guess where this is going) has been telling everyone that I gave her a pearl necklace last night.

Trying to keep a straight face I asked her to re-phrase that and she innocently looked at me and said "why". No answer to that really.

Has anyone else had to bite their lip when the other half has come out with an innocent innuendo?

Spill the beans.
Didn't one of the carriers have a resident band called Pearl Necklace? Apparently the Skipper and most of the other officers had no idea why the band had chosen such a bizarre name.


Lantern Swinger
Book Reviewer
On getting her new kitchen fitted, my Mum bought a pair of decorative jugs to sit atop the units.
Every visitor for the next few weeks was then invited into the kitchen to have a look at her jugs, while my siblings and I pissed ourselves laughing.
Me and the war office arriving at her moms house before we were married.
Her mom to me:- Your hair looks nice have you been to the hairdressers (barber).
Me:- No ...........did it for me.
Her mom to her as she enters room:- You've done a good job with Steve's hair.
War Office:- Thanks it was just a cut and then a wash and blowjob.
Me:- Wasn't that last night?
Everyone in room:- Silence.=-(
I've told this one before, but......

In our office was a young lass, asked to organize some socials.

In a loud clear voice, she said 'well, I fancy a spit-roast'!

Much gushing of coffee over keyboards! :laughing6:
At an oppo's place, his future mother and father-in-law to be be are around the dining room table with us. Enter his wife to be with plant pot in hand, which she places on windowsill.
Mother-in-law to be says "Oh my, what a lovely clitoris" (Two matelots and father-in-law to be try to swallow guffaws around table)
Wife to be "Mother, it's a clematis"
Mother-in-law to be "What's a clitoris then dear?"
This was followed by swift exit of two hysterical matelots and one hysterical father-in-law to garden crying laughing, unable to look at each other or talk to each other......
Duty one Xmas day and Dave does a magic show.

"Pick a card" he says to the OODs wife this she duly does,
"Take a look, dont show me and sit on it" this she does.
"and keep your eye on it" the card comes out from under her backside and she looks at it again.
"No, sit on it," she does "and keep your eye on it" out the card comes again.

Q much sniggering amongst the troups.

This was repeated 2 or 3 times.

OOD embaressed, lads, tears rolling down our trouser legs, OODs wife oblivious


Lantern Swinger
A couple of years ago, Myself and a fellow instructor were Instructing a group of matelots on using various pieces of equipment, handing out said equipment, some of which had carrying straps attached, one delecious young female sparked up and said, "my ...... doesnt have a strap" to which oppo replied "come round here and I'll give you one with a Strap-on". Cue Xchiefcook to start dribbling coffe down his chin whilst trying to suppress guffaws and look professional. And it later turns out that she was a rampant rug muncher :)


Lantern Swinger
based in faslane in the early 60's, and living on the ardencaple estate, the ice cream van arrived, my other half asked if i would like something, a 69 would go down well,joining the other navy wives my wife asked for a 69. two minutes later my 99 was thrown at me from across the room

Similar threads

Latest Threads

New Posts