The fcuking cat. Twatting thing has been on a right killing spree of late, 9 birds and 6 mice in that last four days. The sodding thing is obviously at the top of its game, a bit of a Commando Cat to be honest, with it's stalking and ruthless killing ability. So that got me thinking how do I change the missus's (fcuking thing aint mine) Cat from a ninja Commando cat into something less ruthless. Here's a few suggestions I thought I could change it into. Pilot cat... I could pet it and love it, telling her how wonderful she is all day long, that way it'll just strut about and preen it's self all day and be to concerned how she looks to go out killing things. Wren Cat.... This is the easy option, I'll just keep putting food out so she eats so much she'll get lazy and expect all the Tom cats to do the work for her... Officer Cat... I could upgrade her sleeping basket from a cheapo thing to a fur lined whicker basket complete with purple cushion and upgrade the food from the cheap supermarket stuff to that way expensive for fcuk all tins and stroke her everytime she "meoows" That way she'll think she's important and expect all the other cats to go do the killing for her. Submariner Cat.... I could lock her in the cellar without proper light and water, that way she'll get all manky and smelly and all the birds will smell it from a mile away and do a runner. Diver Cat... I could chuck it into a bag, throw it in a pond, snigger and say "get out of that then fcukwit." Anyone else got any suggestions?