I'm Away....

Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by Blackrat, Aug 18, 2010.

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  1. Blackrat

    Blackrat War Hero Moderator Book Reviewer

    Not that any of you fuckers will notice, but i won't be posting for a couple of weeks. Why? I'm going to be gallivanting around the Salisbury plain area looking ally as fook and dispensing wisdom to sprogs. Anyway, the reason for the post.

    On Friday, we Officers have our summer mess do. Nothing unusual in that. However, it has been frequently talked of over the last few years because of a series of memorable events, usually started by yours truly. These include me (over the last few years):

    - Stealing the Adjutants golf clubs and asking the Colonel if we can play mess golf. He agreed, thinking i meant putting, and getting the shock of his life as i teed off in the bar with a 3 wood, smashing a port decanter, 3 bottles of beer and the Padres glasses.

    - Asking a visiting Colonel (Grenadier Guards) if it was still common practice for the other ranks to go cruising in Hyde Park

    - Being caught pissing in the QM's personal bottle of white wine

    - Telling the Vice that before he stands to propose the toast, he has to stand up and decalre loudly "The toasts will follow soon so listen in to my voice"

    There are many, many more. These are just a few that i can remember.

    Any other suggestions? I'm not going to get promoted for fucking ages so i've got nothing to lose.
  2. I hope your hair falls out you bald cunt.
  3. The mess webley, an officers chocolate lab and an accusation of canine treason.
  4. 1. Have a top time on the plain!

    2. Make sure it's a naked Mess

  5. Start a game of mess rugby and turn it into an all out brawl? The elephant impression usually goes down well at formal functions too.
  6. Blackrat

    Blackrat War Hero Moderator Book Reviewer

    I said it in jest on another thread, but it's my birthday on Saturday and i said i would be on duty. I've just found out i am as well. It's the gift that keeps giving.
  7. Birthday thread, birthday thread ........ :lol:
  8. Quality. :lol:
    Wait until all are shiters and then clear the mess with a Fire Drill, it's bound to endear you to all. :twisted:
    Suggest a bout of Spoon Fighting, most Junior Piglet Vs Senior Boar, Junior armed with a KFS spoon and Senior with the Mess soup ladle. Hilarity and concussion for the lesser mortal should ensue.
  9. Blackrat

    Blackrat War Hero Moderator Book Reviewer

    Mate. His face was a picture when i said that. He actually replied "I don't think they are permitted to drive their cars there of an evening". Talk about genius wordplay.

    He then popped off and sucked off the mess steward. You wouldn't get that in the Household you know. That's why we have horses.
  10. It's not a mess do unless you end up naked and on the roof of whatever building the do happens to be in.
  11. Agreed, you also have to make everyone in the room stand for a toast and then toast yourself.
  12. BR being away and incommunicado does mean that we will be having a birthday thread about him which he won't be able to see and to which he can't reply :lol:

    but we'll have one anyway!
  13. You should also try and cop off with the most senior ranking man's wife. I find it adds to the thrill somewhat if they are dancing with each other at the time and your own missus is watching.
  14. You suck off horses?????????????????????Wow :D

  15. Should be able to cope with us then V8, both of us being genuine Dockyard Cavalry :wink: :roll:
  16. Abso fcukin lutely.My regard for the man has just gone thru the roof.And I dont kick like a horse does either :wink: (I can do that rolling eyes thing they do though :roll: ) :D

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