I wish I did not do that

Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by Sumo, Sep 13, 2012.

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  1. This is a thread where you wish you had not done something or at least your bezzy oppos knew nothing about it.

    Gib, I seemed to have a few mishaps there, it took me 17 visits before I actually saw Gib sober?
    Well it was on one of these none sober trips that things went wrong, again. At the end of a nice quiet night out, (quiet meant not to much talking between wets) having had my fill of Ale and JC’s I called upon my inbuilt GPS and homing pigeon skills to get me back on-board. It was at this stage I had this god almighty urge to have a crap must have been a bad pint or that poison stuff angostura bitters in my JC’s.

    So finding a convenient door way I dropped my trollies to vent my load onto the world, no problem I had even found some tissue, all was well with the world.

    Then I stud up and pulled my trollies up, this is when I noticed a thick warm gooey feeling sliding down my legs, I looked back at the floor to where my hot steaming mound should have been and there it was gone.
    Mind in slow motion put 2 and 2 together and came up with Ho crap, I had not pulled my trollies out of the way and had shat my full load into the back of my trollies, to make it worst if possible this was the 1970 and white jeans were in fashion, ho joy, tried to pull down trollies and scape off, to late the liquefied crap had spread well, from inside to out.

    Nothing for it now but to re-engage GPS and homing pigeon, and off I went to find my ship, I do not know why but my run ashore oppos all vanished?

    Approaching gangway, deep breath go for the sober walk and try not to walk like I had shit myself, all in vane my oppos beat me back and spread the word, the QM through my Station Card at me, and told me to give him a wide birth and sod off.

    I went down the mess to get my doby kit, to nice polite calls of get out you smelly bar-steward or word to that effect, I took myself to the fwd B/R to have a shower and sanitise my trollies.

    QM handover SOS + Sumo up the FWD B/R trying to clean himself up as he shat himself.

    Did my best with my trollies and put them in the Choky Doby, never did see them again and N01 dody called me a dirty bar-steward.

    Thus ended anther quiet night in Gib.
  2. I wish I had not...

    ...made an arse of a potentially rewarding career in the mob...that said, it's taken a while, but I'm doing relatively OK now.
  3. Been there done that still made it to CPOWEA(AD)(SM) then told them to poke their 2OE up their arse

  4. Five years to chief- what about the other 17 to get to Warrant??? Fucking drag arse!!!
  5. So tell me shitty pants, how's the bowels nowadays, no recurring incidents or what?
    Last edited: Sep 13, 2012
  6. Bowls are probably still in the cupboard along with plates. Meds getting stronger??

    Cue another poem about how amazing I really am......
  7. Nah fat maybe
  8. had a large amount of Bran in Brekers this morning, be rumbling like a tumble drier all day I think she gone blow, I get more problem with the wee factory but that's anther story
    Last edited: Sep 13, 2012
  9. Due to one of my bosses losing his pen and being only able to find a red one my arse was always pointing the wrong way (queue Rummer) to be offered charge or warrant as VG sat went to an un sat and I never achieved 1 Sup, apparently I had to strong an opinion and when my boss was a cnut I told him so, May be a shitty brown arse but never a brown nose.:tongue9:^~o_O:help::help:

    forgot to add Mech not tiff so I had to work for all my rates not given away in a lucky bag for time served
    Last edited: Sep 13, 2012
  10. I tend to find I piss more when I'm losing weight, which I have been for a few weeks.
    I train every day except sat sun, do a lot of circuit training. Found it real difficult as I had not been in a gym since I finished Rehab.
    I do a lot of calorie burn stuff and some weights but not heavy stuff as I do it for fitness not posing.
    I leave that to the stupid fuckers.
    I used to fight for the navy and would love to see my weight there again.
    It won't happen I'm not religious.
    Bowels fine there are enough on here to see to that.^~:laughing9:
  11. strange the piss thing must be related to food not there to sock up piss?

    I have shifted just over 2 stone this year, I was supposed to turn our summer house/shed into a gym a few years ago but working away a lot never got round-to-it, if weather is good that’s this weekend job I have a heavy duty tread mill, need one for me spinning wheel bike and normal gym bike, small stepper and some small weights, + some gym balls that should do me, I also fought for Navy and combined services at judo :toothy10::p^~^~
  12. I fought for the Navy, Nee Soon, Sembawang,Bugis street, strait street, Commercial road, union street.
    • Like Like x 1
  13. Nice one, envy you the gym.
    I go to Body Zone here in Tamworth, its £3.50 a session (unlimited) or £8.00 a week. They do a monthly thingy but fuck that I might die being owed money.
    The full rate is only £4.00 and £11,00 the week so I pay for my son and he goes with me twice a week Mon Thursday.
    It's surprising how much comes off with just moderate constant exercise.
    After my heart attack 6 years ago I stopped smoking (60 a day) and after I left rehab the weight just piled on. I went up to 20 odd stone. That did the ticker a fuckin load of good so I decided to get rid and its working. Have shed a bucket load and still going. Mind I've shoulders like a bastard Ox at least when you have a big gut the jackets fit in shoulder and belly without going tailor made. Now it's going to cost my boy.
  14. Snap. I lost the Sembawang fight when a fuckin great Maori threw down a monsoon ditch, pulled me out and then knocked me back in when I would not agree to an armistice.
    Think I lost some more but not sure, it might just be I upset a couple of oowers. Or even spilt a sticky green or two.
  15. Union Straza, Barbican, Pompey many streets, Gib almost certainly, and a few more wartering holes in Europe, Lisbon and the like, most places we pulled into in fact normally with your bezzy oppo pissed?
  16. Union street, christ on a bike I remember one particular night down there. I was a junior seaman and sitting in the Star, there was a band playing and the bloke on the guitar was as good at playing as I am at flying.
    As rig was compulsory in them days there is a fuckin great big old three badger sitting there trying to talk to his mate over the din.
    He turns to the guitar player and politely tells him to shut the fuck up. He ignores him so he gets up and heaves his pint over his hands. There was fuckin sparks flying and screaming as the bastard was electrocuted. (Not fatally).
    He then just bimbles over and sits down as if fuck all had happen. Welcome to the RN, I thought.
  17. The Gut was always good for some fisticuffs, didn't fuck about with the Maltese coppers though, nasty bastards :eye:

    Gib and Lisbon (mainly the Texas Bar) were other open air boxing tournaments. Last time in Lisbon the septics were in but we didn't do anything to cement Anglo-American relations that time.
  18. never made it to malta, but taxas bar brings back memories, they tried (Reggies did) to ban us from that part of Lisbon, carrot stick or what, could not move for jack
  19. XO and Cox'n told us it was Out-of-Bounds, unfortunately our hotel was around the corner :)
  20. Mate of mine waiting for a bus on his way back from the pub, needs a dump, so he climbs over the garden wall behind the bus stop and does the deed, the bus comes so up kecks and away, next night he’s making the same journey and looks over the wall to admire last nights work, nothing not a turd in sight, so he climbs over and begins to search, he’s stopped by the owner asking what he is doing, he makes up something about losing his keys, had to ask says the owner there are some right bastards round here, last night one of them shat on my tortoise, I found it under a bush looking like a Vikings helmet.
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