I have to travel on the underground quite often and to be honest, this is a real pain in the ricker at times, what with the hordes trying to squeeze themselves onto a carriage which even the SS would consider inhumane. Yesterday, i was on the Jubilee Line and in a bit of a state. This was mainly due to a mixture of Guiness, London Pride, Amstel, Port & Rum on Remembrance day (many thanks to the 6ft 4 bootie who insisted on toasting everyone you can think of in a Military capacity since the Wars of the Roses to the present day. I think Napoleon even got a toast drunk to him). Anyway, i'm on the train and i've got a mahoosive build up of wind which just had to be released. Clenching my cheeks so my ring was as tight as Dizzie Gillespie's lips before a mad trumpet solo, i let rip a fart as silent as a ninja on a mission for his boss. I was quite surprised that it took approximately ten seconds for said wind to escape my body. After five or so seconds, i got a whiff of something that could only be described as a tramps corpse left out in the sun for too long. It was that bad, even i was appalled. As the carriage was extremely packed, the stench could not be (luckily for me) pinned down to one culprit. I looked at the man opposite me and pulled a face as if to say "What dirty bastard did that?" I kid you not, there were tears in his eyes. It looked like he was in a CS chamber and escape was impossible. I knew i had hit gold when i could hear someone coughing behind me, as obviously the mustard agent i had produced had gone down their throat. Luckily, i got off at the next stop and had the pleasure of watching people get on the same carriage, get a whiff but could not exit as the doors shut them firmly in their own private hell. I have to admit, it gave me the giggles. Anyone else done anything similar?