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I said oops crabs round my bed I said crabs longside my bed.


War Hero
Just bought a dongle for my magic keyboard, so what better way to test it than on you fuckers.
I am banged up in Good Hope hospital in Birmingham and its like a cross between Brize Norton and Haslar, full of crabs and baby sailors.
Came in Friday with a viral infection, and when the blood results came back sat night they came to the ward I'm in "A.M.U." and asked me when I had my heart attack? I tells them 2006, and he says no the one you've had in the last 7-10 days.
Fuckin gob smacked or what? So I'm here until they cure my virus up, stuck in the isolation "cupboard" until I get the all clear then back up to the CCU for another angiogram.
What a fluckkin bummer.
So all money for my recovery holiday to bed 3 AMU (male) Good Hope Hospital Sutton Coldfield West Mids.
Or just take a wad of cash to bolton in 5 weeks time I will be there if I can spring myself from this joint,
or stand on the corner outside Plymouth bus depot and just say hello sailor to any handsome looking bastard that is more matured than aged and it will either be me, or you may get your arse stabbed or arrested if your lucks really crap.
G'day Playmates,


War Hero
Super Moderator
Nice to see you still alive and kicking Rummers, where did you dump the tin tent 'cos a group of pikey's have taken up residence in Liskeard?


War Hero
Where's your van parked up? Just so's I can go and make sure it's OK like, innit mate.

Don't you need to have a heart before you have a heart attack?

Get well soon you old fart.


War Hero
Book Reviewer
I thought you were dead. That's a tenner i've lost. Still, glad to see you're alive you loafing swine.


War Hero
Hope you're getting better. Not knowing you've had a heart attack? Oh well, where there's no sense etcetra. Hope you're getting your tot from one of them delicious nursey thingies. At least it's keeping you out of Bolton. Best wishes. :)


Thank God for partition.

Niggers and Crabs in ward 3 please nurse.



Mmm, more time in your rack I see...

As you might have noticed there are RR threads still rattling around re: The Red Sailor.

:idea: Time on your hands ? Collate all those dits and get cracking on your opus magnum:

'De Black Sailor' by Ava Weekes-Tott ISBN 2-6.

First call for a signed copy, please - My wonky table leg needs propping up.

GWS amigo.



War Hero
Cheers lads, it warms your heart to know there is still so much compassion around, god I felt the love surge through my dongle.
Wits, from what I've heard you need to start scrounging now as there's no "welfare" culture out here in the big real cold world mate. However if I croak I will drop round your drum ( often) probably at night and we can explore the possibilities of eternal torment, which will give you a brief insight into how it must feel to be cornish.
Don't right me off for the 4Th but please clarify is that July or August.
The caravan has been put on the back boiler at the mo, I bought a great big mother.......but as yet have not bought the means to tow it as been busy getting the van up to A1 condition.
Sol if your around here do drop in I am exactly where I stated, bed 3 AMU, and if not here then I will be in the Richard Salt unit in the Cardiac care Unit until they have done the angiogram which I don't see as being for at least a few days until I come out of this isolation room (Cell) I'm in.
The crabs seem to rule here, still at least the brummie nurses get to tech them how to speak proper England whilst there here.
Bolton date is to meet an old oppo who contacted me after 40 years, Norway Chris its "Charlie Watts" I'm on about, he lives in Cumbria poor bastard, I did try to warn him of the fuckin kind of prowling pervs he could encounter up there but apparently Monty and 2DD don't roam much and as yet ain't had Cunt on Blackrat up homers. Still time to get the fuck out.
Was stabbed in the stomach twice this morning by a crab nurse who is an ex Rock ape and I swear the bastard was grinning as he did it.
At least that bastard Cunt wont get at me, they have him in a secure unit don't they called Afghanistan, and if he was here he still couldn't find me without help as it involves reading a map.:rage: White honky bastard,
we bruvvers know now that de white man can have big pricks we all sin de army. Ise convin.....ise reass....
well ise know anyhow.
And as fer avin de art attack wifout nowin, well de head cardio.........the head art attack doc he ad one, but he is ok, and de rumors about voodoo is just silly gossip.
I am going to track that fuckin wrecker down when I springs me own self from this barracoon, and teach him how to pull his hand out of his pocket whilst keeping a grip on the dollar so it makes it out into daylight, and then next RR meet they wont be saying again that he old skin flint. Das old boot sonar bent as buggery, and Andy of the capp is ok as they over the big ocean away from the evils of mudder England so I leaves them alone, but needs to try me new rifle out on a running vict....I mean target, and I wants one that screams as well. I have a little list ( and theres none of them be mist).
Prior to this confinement, have been getting around of late, done Lancaster, Rotherham, Manchester, Bristol, Blackpool, Leeds, the Smoke, Liverpool and was going to do Edinborough, but some scouse bastard nicked a piece of my car so had to come home and get new dollops as they were dealer only. Fuckin scouse bastards, it wasn't you was it Tug?
Anyhow time for a scratch a stretch and maybe a snack, (life's hard) and then a smally sleep.:toothy6:


War Hero
Super Moderator
Do the crabs have barriers for the rock apes to play with or is the lack of a barrier why the male crabs keep lifting your willy up and down?
Rummers - My advice would be to perform bedside colours and sunset each day, especially if you pipe the 'still' and 'carry on' on as loudly as possible on a boatswain's call. Here's a starter for ten:

Please feel free to cut this out:


Get well soon. Think of all those pesky vehicles moving freely along country roads pending the return of you with a caravan. =)


Lantern Swinger
I would come and pay you a visit but I can't get away until the next week and by the time I get the boat down there you will either have kicked the bucket or escaped so you will just have to do it all on your own.
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