I need some money, err I mean help.

Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by Clown_Puncher, Nov 13, 2009.

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  1. Hi,

    I got booted out of the RN for being gash a few years ago and now I'm living in a bedsit wanking to the shopping channel and late night quiz presenters on UK Living. Basically, I wasn't gash but I had a couple of hairy drafts and it made me piss up a fair bit. Once, in the DRIU, some fat Chief Diver held me under the water for 30 seconds until I'd wedged the fcuk out of a split in the deck. I've never got over that. Another time, I saw some lads at Raleigh who were doing the N.I. course, it was very traumatic for me to see them wearing CS95 kecks with an 8's shirt.

    What really sent me on a downward spiral though was the time I served in the Falklands, I was defending the bottom bar from a particularly viscious WAF who's Morgan's spiced I'd accidentally spilt. That was just after the Falkands war, in about 2001.

    I think this all started when I did the SPO course on the Bristol and someone scared the shit out of me by lobbing a flash bang at my bats.

    Anyway, the long and short of it is I want some free cash because the RN owes me a living, if my speeling and gramer are gash it's because I'm thick as pigshit and I'm using a voice activated headwand or some shit.

    Any help gratefully recieved, or money in fact.
  2. Deja Vu
  3. The horror!
  4. wet_blobby

    wet_blobby War Hero Moderator

    Flog your arrse, tsk, people want everything for nothing now.
  5. I feel for you, I really do. I had the same when I was sent down the Gulf to guard 2 oil rigs, it was horrific. When I came back the only relief I got was raping ferrel in my garden while wearing my white action coveralls and rezy! I think it's down to seeing some horrible sights, such as seeing 3 badge stokers drinking piss and wnking in the mess square. I've tried to get a pay out also but just get told fcuk off and grow up. I'm now living in a crack den in Swilly, reliving the horrors of surface picture compiling in the NAG.

    P.s My crack den has inernet.
  6. Surface Picture Compilation is for pussy's the real action is at the air desk. APR(F) now that is a man's job, I'm still having councelling for the flashbacks now.

    To be honest though the most traumatic experience I have ever had was working DHP. I will never get the image of Tanzy Lee eating the scraps from the filter in the Hobart out of my head, ever.
  7. Well I always wanted to do that because my mate who just started at raleigh (part 1) and a bit of an expert, said I'll get my green beret after doing that position. But the chief R told me to fcuk off cause I kept poking myself in the eye with the chinograph. Also DHP was a bit too taxing with all the sharp cutlery, so i got promomtion to spud tanky!! Happy days, the lads said I had to get a crate in as well as I made the signal for spud tanky. My mum was well chuffed.
    I was in the local rag for it and everything.
  8. Spud tanky! Nice one! You are clearly a man of talent. You can only get Green lidded up as an APR(F) if you do your Splash Target Coxswain's course as well. I did mine in '02 just as the new rules for STC's serving with the SBS were coming in. Had some good times but we lost a lot of good men out there.*

    *To fat fcuking heffers in Jo's and Emma's.
  10. Spud tanky was hard fcuking graft unless you had some under pun sucker to do it all for you!!! Luckily the Joss's alsation was a former bezzy (before the operation) and bunked in our gulch so i would do his spelling for him if he trooped enough stokers to save me getting out me scratcher
  11. Wow, wish I thought of that. Noone would be able to play the Joss' dog in my film though. Apart from some splits I know.
  12. Even the buffer used to say i was as sharp as a pusser's friction knife. I just don't like to show off
  13. witsend

    witsend War Hero Book Reviewer

    Send me your name, DOB & bank account details and I'll send you some cash. I'm so touched by your heart breaking dit, unlike that walting whinger on another thread.
  14. Blackrat

    Blackrat War Hero Moderator Book Reviewer

    Would you accept payment in Brasso or White Lightning?
  15. :x What the fcuk are you dripping about :?: :roll: I'm still in deep therapy after a draft to Reserve Fleet @British West Hartlepool;- and I did not get a campaign medal for all the trauma inflicted on my delicate personality :x
  16. wet_blobby

    wet_blobby War Hero Moderator

    Come on CP, your story needs to unfold a bit, you need to start contradicting yourself, have a family that disowns you but still has you home for weekenders and you need a mystery friend to pop up and defend you with there first post.

    Until these things happen I will remain sceptical and even suspect your story may be a bit of a wah.
  17. This weird, I'm actually believing it the second time round :D

    Actually I'm playing devils advocate 'cos there isn't any pink and fluffies leaping to the defence
  18. I have a "friend " in Nigeria who is very keen to give money to any one who will help him open bank acounts in the UK. May be he could help you?
  19. Jesse, All my family are sitting here with our rosary beads and religious artifacts praying for you. We will have a mass said on Sunday.

    Learning that there has been a war in the Falklands has put me into shock, and I have started dribbling every time I see a naked woman.
    I applied for a medical assessment with the hope maybe some cash would heal me. So far I have been issued with a blindfold and a book.
    Braille for beginners

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