I need some assistance.

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous' started by BillyNoMates, Jun 5, 2012.

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  1. Okay! I was going to put this crap in the "Newbie" Section (seeing as most of the brain-numbing questions get stuffed in there), but this is a SERIOUS problem. The wife went to Sainsburys tuther day and they were doing a "special" on tinned custard. It appears that some nozzer-mong shelf stacker dropped a pallet-full of Sainsburys tinned custard and most of the tins got dented, so they decided to knock them out for five pee a tin. The wife comes home with 40 tins of Sainsburys best (dented) tinned custard, which I have somehow stowed all over the bloody place. Now - my dilemma is this: we have purchased fu**ing numerous types/styles/makes/models of bastard tin-opener over the past few months and they have all proved to be a fu**ing waste of space. They don't grip the tin top properly, they don't turn round and round and slice the lid off, the fu**ing winding handle falls off, they half-work and I then have to lever the fu**ing rest of the lid off with a knife or a fu**ing screwdriver or they do a sudden rapid spin and I end up with fu**ing tinned custard splashed all over the kitchen work-tops. It's now doing my crust in. So! All you Newbies (and everyone else for that matter) - please, get your arses into your kitchen(s) and see which make/model of fu**ing tin-opener you are the proud owner of - and tell me if yours is any bastard good at opening fu**ing tins. If you've had it a long time - then it must be an efficient bit of kit.....I am right royally pissed off with all the tin-openers I have purchased to date, and I want some information on the bestest most kick-arse tin opener on the market today so I can go out and fu**ing buy one before all this soddin' custard goes past its *use by* date. Cheers! B.N.M.
  2. You need one of these!

  3. Agree, but it 'aint "wife-user-friendly" (already have some for fishin' trips and the need to open cans of ale at regular intervals). Bloody good idea though.She wouldn't get her head round something smaller than her fu**ing toe-nail clippers anyway.
    • Like Like x 1
  4. Billy, I feel your pain. I cannot take a photo of our can spanner as it was bought here in Spain and so would be of no good to you. However...... I find that the singular most important thing is to keep the rotating bits well oiled. This really does make a huge difference to the use of the things - it is unbelievable! Also, sometimes it is better to remove the tin label in the area of operation! It can gunk up the wheels.

    Do not worry a jot about the sell/use by date - they are for the guidance of fools only. Us sundodger men can eat stuff that no mere mortal would consider! I have just had a pot of yoghurt that was 'eat by' 30 April. And I'm still alive and have not even got the squits!

    Waspie's Pusser rat pack isues are great and Milletts (other outdoor shops are available) sell a copy.

    I like custard.
  5. Could always do the Dirty Harry thing and shoot the can lids off, may lose a bit but hell - the amount you have you could afford a little wastage!!!!!
  6. Wonderful, wonderful post with which I empathise hugely.

    I'll have a look tomorrow.
  7. janner

    janner War Hero Book Reviewer

    Whats wrong with the good old pussers dirk, use the spike to punch a couple of holes in the top and job done:angel10:
  8. Apart from the rat pack opener (still got one, still works), have you tried a chainsaw?
    • Like Like x 1
  9. [​IMG]

    If its this 5h1te its best left in the tin.
  10. Ahhh condensed milk can opening procedure. It brings them all flooding back.
  11. I've had my can-opener for about 10 years and although the cutter is now showing some signs of wear I've had no problems so far. It seems to be manufactured by "Brabantia".

    However, it's enormous. Here's a picture of a Bactrian camel to give you some idea of scale.

  12. We use the 'magi-can' it's a hands free can opener. Basically pop it on, push the button and it whizzes on round. Makes the edges soft so no worry of slicing your fingers! Quite a handy and reliable bit of kit! Can't remember how much it was, wasn't cheap though!
  13. Now I dont know anything about explosives but........
  14. Appreciate all your input. I have found this thing on the InterNetWeb. Don't know if it's the *ULTIMATE CAN OPENER* or a fu**ing hip replacement.http://www.kitchencontraptions.com/pictures/canopenkuhnrikon.jpg. Off shopping tomorrow for a really, really big custard tin busting machine. Failing that - I'll be buying all my foodstuffs in packets and boxes in the future.
  15. You could always use your iron to heat it up to?? Also, what sort of bag did your wife bring all these back from the shop with? That sort of bag would be useful for Raleigh.
  16. It was a really big bag called a Toyota Granvia with a fu**ing big space in the back called a boot. An absolutely f-a-b-u-l-o-u-s MPV for transportingenough tinned custard to feed a small third world country and it also doubles up as my home from home when I go fishing (or get chucked out forone reason or another every now and then). Two quid for a lake of custard.....bargain! Will sitrep next Monday on the outcome of my Tin OpenerSourcing Expedition. I'm off to nuke a Morrisons fish pie now - long nightshift. Adios.
  17. The ammount you saved on the custard you will lose on openers...

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