Okay! I was going to put this crap in the "Newbie" Section (seeing as most of the brain-numbing questions get stuffed in there), but this is a SERIOUS problem. The wife went to Sainsburys tuther day and they were doing a "special" on tinned custard. It appears that some nozzer-mong shelf stacker dropped a pallet-full of Sainsburys tinned custard and most of the tins got dented, so they decided to knock them out for five pee a tin. The wife comes home with 40 tins of Sainsburys best (dented) tinned custard, which I have somehow stowed all over the bloody place. Now - my dilemma is this: we have purchased fu**ing numerous types/styles/makes/models of bastard tin-opener over the past few months and they have all proved to be a fu**ing waste of space. They don't grip the tin top properly, they don't turn round and round and slice the lid off, the fu**ing winding handle falls off, they half-work and I then have to lever the fu**ing rest of the lid off with a knife or a fu**ing screwdriver or they do a sudden rapid spin and I end up with fu**ing tinned custard splashed all over the kitchen work-tops. It's now doing my crust in. So! All you Newbies (and everyone else for that matter) - please, get your arses into your kitchen(s) and see which make/model of fu**ing tin-opener you are the proud owner of - and tell me if yours is any bastard good at opening fu**ing tins. If you've had it a long time - then it must be an efficient bit of kit.....I am right royally pissed off with all the tin-openers I have purchased to date, and I want some information on the bestest most kick-arse tin opener on the market today so I can go out and fu**ing buy one before all this soddin' custard goes past its *use by* date. Cheers! B.N.M.