I dont know what to do!

Im new here, so Ill put some background up for you. For the past couple of months I have been in a relationship with a Sub Lieutenant based down in Pompey. I have met his father and all his friends, and he was to have met my family this weekend that had just passed. He said he would let me know when he got on the train as he was working late. No one had heard from him since about 1800 on the Friday. I initially wasn't too concerned as I had told him to sleep on the train, and thought he him not answering was he was asleep and he would get in touch when he was close to the train station. By 11pm I was getting worried as there was only 2 more trains left to come in for the night now, at the advice of one of his friends I decided to wait at the train station in case he had forgotten his mobile. The station security had not seen anyone fitting his description on earlier trains nor had they had anyone by that description come up and ask for assistance. By this time I really was concerned I lost a good friend back in 07 who was murdered on his way home from uni and his body had not been discovered for 6 weeks after.

Thinking because he had said he was tired I thought I would call the Hall Porter at the naval base to see if he had fallen asleep in his quarters, his room had not been slept in and the bed was made. His friend decided to try and call his father while I called the Hospital in Portsmouth to see if he had been admitted through Accident and Emergency. Nothing. The friend couldnt get in touch with the father either, so we decided if we hadnt heard anything by 1200 the next day, we would go over. Having heard nothing we went over, his father seemed completely uncaring that I was worried as to where his son was especially as he had made plans, and it was unlike him not to give an explanation why and to have his phone go onto answer machine. I got a vague "he may be at his mothers for his grandfathers funeral, but I do not have a number for them so I dont know". He swore to get in touch with me, and by Sunday at 2130 I had not heard a thing, knowing that he had to be in work the next day and the hall porter still said his room was unoccupied they suggested that I call his mother, The number was easily acquired through the phone book. Before I could even explain the situation I was yelled at and the phone slammed down on me. Less than 10 minutes later I had my boyfriends father contact me, yelling and screaming verbal abuse down the phone, which really quite upset me and he also said they had no contact numbers for each other but yet his ex wife had called him just fine. By the Monday lunch time, my boyfriend had got in touch really quite confused not making much sense, saying that the situation had been blown out of all proportion and that he had told the friend that I went round his fathers house with to let me know he was ok, as he had got called out on a Submarine deployment last minute and this was the only email address he knew off by heart and his father had not been answering his mobile phone. In the end he said he couldn't cope with all this and put the telephone down on me.

By the Monday night I was severely ill and had collapsed. I had been vomiting constantly since Thursday, I had put it down to picking up a bug at hospital from seeing my mother there, and stress. I woke up in accident and emergency on several drips and being told that they want to rule out everything, so they wish to do a pregnancy test on me. The test actually came back positive so they followed up with a scan, and it turned out that I was around 6-7 weeks gone. In a panic, I desperately tried to call my boyfriend, to which he text back saying that I was being obsessive and that it needed to stop. So I text him explaining what had gone on and attaching the scan picture, which has my name at the top of it. I have been in and out of the hospital since Monday as the sickness and exhaustion has been so bad, that I am only waking up to vomit and on Thursday I was bleeding so they did another scan to see if I was miscarrying. Every single time that I have tried to get in touch with my the father, he has let it ring off onto answer phone and then I would leave it and try again much later in the day and it would go straight to answerphone, now it is just saying the number is not recognized. I have tried to get in touch with his father to pass the message on, despite his rudeness to me, and his phone does the same thing. I have also tried to get in touch with him that my booking in appointment with the midwife is on Tuesday 5th June at 10am, that he was welcome to attend it if he so wanted. His friends have turned around and said that they are really surprised that I am pregnant as he doesn't seem the irresponsible type, well I am as shocked as they are, despite how careful we were, a failure happened, and neither of us thought much of it at the time. I feel totally abandoned, and I dont know what to do. I feel that he is running away from his problems and leaving me to solely deal with the consequences of it all. Im so stressed, emotional and upset. My hormones are all over the place, I barely stay awake I am so tired all the time, and when I am awake I am puking and crying. I have probably not made any coherent sense what so ever to anyone and probably am just a rambling mess...I just dont know what to do.

 

Oh.

Any topless photos?

 

Obviously gone on a trip up north on the Alliance.

 

You need to forget about him and move on, you cant force him to be there. Just make the best out of a bad situation.

Lifes a bitch some times!


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You've got him bang to rights on CSA payments.

Poor you. Poor him too by the sounds of it.

 

Right.

This is my advice.

Your primary focus now needs to be on yourself and on your baby. It sounds like you are suffering really badly from the early stages of pregnancy; I don't know whether you are in hospital or at home at the moment but, if you are at home, you need to be in touch with your GP and getting the best care, so that anything which can be done to take the edge off things like the sickness etc can be done for you. Once you begin to start to feel better physically, you will find the rest of it easier to deal with. At the moment you must feel like hell, because you feel ill and confused. Start with the step of getting to the point where you feel better; at that point, the rest of it will become easier.

As far as the father of the baby is concerned, stop trying to get in touch with him, as his refusal to communicate with you is adding to your distress. The more you ring and text, the more evasive he will become. His family have no doubt been instructed that this is something he doesn't wish to be party to and you will find that the more you ring them, the more unhelpful they will become.

Let him and them get on with it. You don't need them and you don't need to be constantly trying to get in touch. Your best tack will be to limit any further contact to letters. You will find this less upsetting. Don't ring him, don't text him. Keep your letters brief and to the point. Simply say that you have discovered that you are pregnant, that you have an ante-natal appointment, give him the details and let him know that he is welcome to come along. That's it. Keep it businesslike.

At some point when you are feeling better, you should consult a solicitor dealing in Family Law for advice on how to progress from a contact and financial support perspective. That can wait for the moment, though.

You say that you have been left "to solely deal with the consequences" but you are not going to have to do that; he may not be standing by you, but that doesn't mean that there isn't lots of support out there for you, so you won't be alone.

May I suggest that you copy and paste your original post on Rum Ration's sister site, Rear Party? Rear Party is for families and friends and I think that it would be a better forum for this kind of question. Please do this.

RearParty - Home

You say that you don’t know what to do, but you do, really. Many women have found themselves in this situation and handled it and you will too.

 

Get a grip lady!

You need to wake up and smell the caffeine young lady. Its obvious he wants nothing to do with you but you wont take the hint.If he is the father as you claim, wait till its dropped then try and prove that he is the father.Leave the poor guy alone and you might also stop getting stressed.

 

The word dumped springs to mind.

 

Won't be parting ya piss whiskers to any more matelots will you!

 

Soleil, as usual, is the one with the sound advice.

 

This might cheer you up.

 

I could make several suggestions.

 

I would love to hear them.