I am so unlucky because I am a Buddhist and in my last life I was born as a flea.
A funny thing happened to me and my mate Smudge (also a flea), and I'd like to share it with you.
One winter year, me and smudge headed for the warm sunny beaches of California to escape the cold. Smudge got there and started rubbing suntan lotion on his little flea arms and his little flee legs. Just then, I arrived shiverin' and a shakin'. Smudger asked, "What the hell happened to you?"
So I told him "I just rode out here on a bikers mustache and I'm so very coldddd!"
Smudge said, "Don't you know the special trick to gettin here, first you go to Brize Norton, go straight to the mens toilet, wait for a young crabfat pilot to come along, and when he sits down you climb right up between his butt cheeks where its nice and warm".
I thought that this was a grand idea. The next winter comes along and it was time for us to head for the sunny beaches again. Smudge arrived and began putting suntan lotion on his little flea arms and his little flea legs. About that time, I arrived again shiverin', shakin', and mumbling about how cold I was.
Smudge said "Didn't you learn anything that I taught you about getting here nice and warm?"
To which I replied, "I did just as you said; I went to the mens shitter and this crab fat pilot came in and sat down, I climbed right up between his butt cheeks and it was so very warm. Next thing I know we stop at a bar and I fell asleep. All of a sudden I woke and there I was, right back on that bikers mustache!