HOW TO SHAPE A BERET (all matelots take note)

2badge_mango

War Hero
DancesWithJPA said:
Given that I've just done a seven month operational deployment, I'll take the baseball cap and the satisfaction of being good at my job over some twat telling me how to shape a beret, thanks...

What was that Dances, Home sea service?

2BM
 

gypquitacorrie

Lantern Swinger
I allways thoght the wearing of a crap mis-shapened beret was all part of being a matelot and to show were different from the pongos, crabs and booties.
 

Tanzi

Lantern Swinger
Just the slightest of modifications.
1)Get a brand new issue beret (non-issue are the best but cost a bit), remove the clear plastic diamond shape thing from the lining.
2) Fill a kettle to the brim with rum – do not boil it.
3)Put beret in a bowl and have a sip of rum.
4) Whilst you are soaking, forget the beret, fill up the kettle again with rum – do not boil.
5) Once you feel like handling the beret have a sip of rum. If it is cool enough, have another sip.
6) Drain away all the rum.
7) Repeat this 3 times.
8) Your brain should now have shrunk,thus allowing you to disregard the shape of your beret.
9) Place the kettle on your bonce, ensuring the spout is slightly to the left hand edge of your left eye( it looks smarter).
10) Pull down the right hand edge of the kettle, so that the its edge is no lower than a few mm over the tip of your right ear(any further you will look like a drunken ****** and you will need to re-think the whole purpose of this exercise)
11) Remove the beret from bowl.
12) Give the beret to your daughter/granddaughter/local Queen’s scout etc.
13) Put your cap on and get back to work, you feckin half-hard puss-faced winker !!!
14) Enjoy the rum !!!!!!!!!:pissed:
 

Cates

Badgeman
Ladeez and gentlemen,
May I please add my small observations?

At my first shore base (Sultanirca 1977/8) I (or rather my beret) was the cause of much merriment.
My D.O. (a cracking 2/O Wren) insisted that I looked like that man off the telly............................

Michael Crawford alais Frank Spencer!!!

If only this information was available then (where were the old sea dogs) it would have saved me from a lifetime of whatever.

Additionally, has anyone else spotted a ratings white hat sitting on a head (approx 6'+ off the ground complete with "Royal Yacht" cap tally and with chin stays down "parading" up and down Oxford Street London.

On first seeing this apparition, I initially thought it was some new "rig" being trialled. This person's remaining uniform consisted of Nike trainers, frayed khaki cargo pants and an army style dress uniform jacket complete with sergeants stripes, a submariners badge and a US flag insignia.

Is this person an example of a new rapid reaction, joint service, multi national task force or is he just a * * * * * I would to know if any of you have seen this and get your views.
 

Cates

Badgeman
Ladeez and gentlemen,
May I please add my small observations?

At my first shore base (Sultanirca 1977/8) I (or rather my beret) was the cause of much merriment.
My D.O. (a cracking 2/O Wren) insisted that I looked like that man off the telly............................

Michael Crawford alais Frank Spencer!!!

If only this information was available then (where were the old sea dogs) it would have saved me from a lifetime of whatever.

Additionally, has anyone else spotted a ratings white hat sitting on a head (approx 6'+ off the ground complete with "Royal Yacht" cap tally and with chin stays down "parading" up and down Oxford Street London.

On first seeing this apparition, I initially thought it was some new "rig" being trialled. This person's remaining uniform consisted of Nike trainers, frayed khaki cargo pants and an army style dress uniform jacket complete with sergeants stripes, a submariners badge and a US flag insignia.

Is this person an example of a new rapid reaction, joint service, multi national task force or is he just a * * * * * I would to know if any of you have seen this and get your views.
 

DancesWithJPA

Lantern Swinger
TheLastStoker said:
I know quite a few people on our ship on our last little bimble out into the gulf for 8 months boycotted the baseball cap and either wore (standard) caps or berets.

Wouldn't have been so bad if they hadn't said "you have to buy these caps for £10, everyone MUST have them for the deployment"

Quite a few people said, myself included, i we must wear them.....then they should issue them, not make us pay £10 for them....so ram it!

Quite fun getting sent off the upperdeck during store ship because we were wearing berets...."Where should we go then sir?"....."I dont care just not on the uppedeck unless your wearing a Baseball cap"

3 hours later we immerged from the mess! Wonderfull!

Yeah, we had that. The Regulators, in a rare moment of doing some work, had to tell the XO that he couldn't force people to wear the baseball cap.
 

(granny)

RIP
Book Reviewer
As a PO I was once reprimanded by a 1st Lieut. for not wearing my cap whilst driving my car. I was in a mini at the time.
 
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