How to make a Woman happy

Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by Nutty, Aug 5, 2008.

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  1. If this has been up before my apoligies


    It's not difficult to make a woman happy - a man only needs to be:

    1. a friend
    2. a companion
    3. a lover
    4. a brother
    5. a father
    6. a master
    7. a chef
    8. an electrician
    9. a carpenter
    10. a plumber
    11. a mechanic
    12. a decorator
    13. a stylist
    14. a sexologist
    15. a gynaecologist
    16. a psychologist
    17. a pest exterminator
    18. a psychiatrist
    19. a healer
    20. a good listener
    21. an organizer
    22. a good father
    23. very clean
    24. sympathetic
    25. athletic
    26. warm
    27. attentive
    28. gallant
    29. intelligent
    30. funny
    31. creative
    32. tender
    33. strong
    34. understanding
    35. tolerant
    36. prudent
    37. ambitious
    38. capable
    39. courageous
    40. determined
    41. true
    42. dependable
    43. passionate
    44. compassionate

    without forgetting to:

    45. give her compliments regularly
    46. love shopping
    47. be honest
    48. be very rich
    49. not stress her out
    50. not look at other girls
    51. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
    52. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
    53. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes
    54. and … never forget her birthday!

    How To Make A Man Happy

    a woman only needs to:

    1. Show up naked
    2. Bring booze
    3. Bring a naked female friend(Rod-Gearings suggestion, excellent)

    :w00t: :w00t: :w00t: :w00t: :w00t:
  2. And bring a friend :thumright:
  3. sgtpepperband

    sgtpepperband War Hero Moderator Book Reviewer

    Some people say you should give a girl expensive gifts on your first date, some say flowers, some just say be yourself and go Dutch. I say the quickest way to a womans heart means being more creative. You need to suprise her in the most spectacular of ways. Here is what you will need:

    1 6' x 3' wooden crate
    Some rope
    1 Car battery
    1 set of jump cables
    1 pair of rubber gloves (yellow are best)
    1 tub of swarfega
    1 pair of hip waders
    1 pair of safety goggles
    2 Otters
    1 oily rag
    2 rolls of gaffa tape
    1 lonely forrest
    1 shovel.

    8O :twisted:
  4. Man, you are one perverted old bugger...
  5. Looking like Tommy Lee Jones is all you need to do for me.!!
  6. Nutty, you forgot the food..... good curry for after :rendeer:
  7. How to make a woman happy!!

    Now what was that movie THE NEVER ENDING STORY!

  8. :excited:
  9. Get your coat. :thumright:
  10. I never said that! There again if you've never tried it you'll never know!
  11. I've often found that the quickest way to a woman's heart is directly through the rib cage, slightly right of the left breast.
    1 6' x 3' wooden crate
    Some rope
    1 Car battery
    1 set of jump cables
    1 pair of rubber gloves (yellow are best)
    1 tub of swarfega
    1 pair of hip waders
    1 pair of safety goggles
    2 Otters
    1 oily rag
    2 rolls of gaffa tape

    A chainsaw will do.........and the shovel and forest come in handy.
  12. Some of my mates wives only want them to be one thing, in order to make them happy.....

    Absent! :slow:
  13. True enough. Bring your wife along then and you can show me........ :nemo:

  14. oooooooooo you smoothie,, BUT have you got the gravely voice too

  15. Let's face it, if a woman is looking really happy you should probably be VERY afraid ^~
  16. Is that like being gravely ill (not a suburb of Brum)?
  17. Would a Geordie voice do it josie , :thumright:
  18. How about a slightly rat-arsed Joe Cocker ?
  19. Just give em all your money and a 12" Dildoe. Seem to love that :thumright:

    Oh and some judicious nipping of the nips :evil4:
  20. janner

    janner War Hero Book Reviewer

    The Hormone Guide

    Women will understand this! Men should memorize it!

    Every woman knows that there are days in the month when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his life in his hands! This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver's license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, co-worker or significant other!


    What's for dinner?
    Can I help you with dinner?
    Where would you like to go for dinner?
    Here, have some wine.

    Are you wearing that?
    Wow, you sure look good in brown!
    WOW! Look at you!
    Here, have some wine

    What are you so worked up about?
    Could we be overreacting?
    Here's my paycheck.
    Here, have some wine.

    Should you be eating that?
    You know, there are a lot of apples left.
    Can I get you a piece of chocolate with that?
    Here, have some wine.

    What did you DO all day?
    I hope you didn't over-do it today.
    I've always loved you in that robe!
    Here, have some wine .

    13 Things PMS Stands For:

    1. Pass My Shotgun

    2. Psychotic Mood Shift

    3. Perpetual Munching Spree

    4. Puffy Mid-Section

    5. People Make me Sick

    6. Provide Me with Sweets

    7. Pardon My Sobbing

    8. Pimples May Surface

    9. Pass My Sweat pants

    10. Pissy Mood Syndrome

    11. Plainly; Men Suck

    12. Pack My Stuff

    and my favorite one.

    13. Potential Murder Suspect

    Forward this information to all of your hormonal friends and those who might need a good laugh...

    and men who need a warning.

    And remember: Money talks but Chocolate SINGS !!!

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