How to get rid of cold callers/ telesales persons

fly_past

Lantern Swinger
Go on, how did you make their day bad. How did you get rid of them? You gotta have a good dit here!

Slam the door, leave the phone off the hook.....

I'll post mine in a few mins..... Until then its up to you to tell us how you get/got rid of them......
 

fly_past

Lantern Swinger
I am after humerous ways to shut them up.

I saw some Jehovahs Witnesses coming to our front door, I went to the door after they knocked it (looked through the peephole). I said that i was butt naked and if they wanted to talk to me I would open the door and stand there talking. I saw them scuttle off at top speed through the spyhole
 
the bible bashers are easy. take your top of and paint satans mark on your chest with tomarto sauce and put some round your lips, really funny.
 

buffer01

Lantern Swinger
Tele sales I usually dispatch with a "Hang on a minute, just got to finish this 1st", put the phone on the side and leave it there. Mind you, one fooker stayed on the line for 20 minutes like that. He wasn't impressed, especially as he was flogging conservatories and I explained I lived on the 20th floor of a tower block.
However, if their Asian tele-sales/call centres, I just switch to speaking Welsh, which really winds them up. It also works when ringing them, you always get transferred to a British Call Centre as they can't handle regional dialects.

The God botherer's on the doorstop are either scared off when I answer the door with one of our Rottweilers in tow. They don't like the "Devils Dogs", but I usually placate them by saying their ok, they've just eaten a fresh baby and aren't hungry. If they still insist, I usually ask them to come back later when the wifes home. She's a Catholic and would love to chat to them but she out giving blood at the moment. Works everytime and they don't leave a copy of Watchtower behind either!
 
The best was not getting rid of then rather making them stay, 2 mormons (why do I always want to type morons) called round on a very wet evening when there was little on the box. I kept them standing just outside the front door whilst I stood inside (in the dry) for about an hour discussing the possibility that god was an astronaut. They were very drowned rats when they finally admitted defeat and marked our house down as devil worshippers. They never called back in the 10 years I lived there.
 
When the religious fanatics come round I grab my Koran and appear at the door. It's amazing what a largish, green covered book with Classical Arabic script on the cover in gold does to scare them off.... they do apologise lest they might have caused offence though :) :) :)
 

Pitfirrane

Lantern Swinger
I find putting the nearest three year old to 'speak' to them and putting them on the line works wonders.

Failing having a handy three year old at home, try asking the caller how much they are willing to pay you to answer their questions.
 
Over 20 years ago some bible bashers called at the front door of my MQ, after listening to about 5 or 6 seconds of their drivvle I calmly announced in my best Oirish accent "no tanks weer cafflick", exit bible bashers PDQ.
 

Daktari

Banned
Had a Yank cold calling on some pretext that we'd won a cruise in a competition we'd never entered - the "no thinks not interested" didn't work - as the daft bitch rang back - so having established that she was in fact situated in sunny Fort Lauderdale proceded to enter conversation regarding best run ashore in Lauders I had including what happened in the button bar .. and had she ever been .. then after 20 mins of dit spinning with my missis trying to stop laughing in the arm chair .. told her "that was a waste of time wasn't it .. and put the phone down.
 

TwistedFireStarter

Lantern Swinger
I just leave my answerphone on 24/7. Anyone who needs to contact me would know my mobile number or leave a message. Problem solved. :w00t:
 

fly_past

Lantern Swinger
TwistedFireStarter said:
I just leave my answerphone on 24/7. Anyone who needs to contact me would know my mobile number or leave a message. Problem solved. :w00t:
True but it isnt half as much fun giving them the grief/runaround is it?
 

PINCH

War Hero
elovabloke said:
Easy - just Register Here

Most will stop by magic. Those that do'nt, just threaten to report them as you are registered and the calls will stop.
Doesn't work tried that

Just tell them to hold whilst you get a pen.. they get pissed off after 10 minutes.. They have to make so many calls per hour.

They pass on to each other people who don't play ball the calls dry up in about 2 weeks
Haven't had ONE in over 12 months :w00t: :w00t: :w00t:
 

ask_then_order

Badgeman
fly_past said:
I am after humerous ways to shut them up.

I saw some Jehovahs Witnesses coming to our front door, I went to the door after they knocked it (looked through the peephole). I said that i was butt naked and if they wanted to talk to me I would open the door and stand there talking. I saw them scuttle off at top speed through the spyhole
Inspired. Sir, I salute you!
 

janner

MIA
Book Reviewer
Had one woman call telling me that I had won a free holiday, stayed talking to her for a while, getting all of the details of the holiday, then told her how nice it was of her company to be interested in the unemployd, she couldn't get off of the phone quick enough, haven't had any more of that type of holiday offer since.

Double glazing firm called, told them I'd like the lot, all windows, doors, guttering and faciaes(sp) the bloke on the other end was having some sort of happening at the thought of the commission. I then asked the question, do you contact the council to get authority as its a council house, or do I have to do it. Haven't heard from them since either. It shows that there is no research done into the type of areas that they are ringing and that they have no knowledge as to local areas
 

Jack77

War Hero
I once pretended to be a policeman and asked the caller for their name and address, why they were calling this number, what was their relationship to the residents of this address and did they realise they had called a murder scene? As the caller tried to explain they were only selling holidays or whatever, I asked about their involvement with the gay pornography racket being run from this address. They hung up :laughing6:
 
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