How To Explain Sex To Children

Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by sgtpepperband, Jul 23, 2012.

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  1. sgtpepperband

    sgtpepperband War Hero Moderator Book Reviewer

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    • Like Like x 1
  2. Yup! I,ll buy it.
     
  3. Blackrat

    Blackrat War Hero Moderator Book Reviewer

    I use Pentals. Does that mean i'm into Necrophilia?
     
  4. It's quicker (much quicker) to show them.
     
  5. Its quite a list, I hope you have plenty of ink in your Biro
     
  6. Though I eventually sussed it all out (I think!) was there EVER actually a book about the Birds and the bees?

    Surely the inter species thing would not have worked? Duh, eggs and pollen............
     
  7. Teachers and priests are usually good at explaining it.
     
  8. I've seen some DVD's with birds with dogs and ponies, dunno if they bred though.
     
  9. Blackcat - I've been to Amsterdam AND Bangkok AND Subic Bay!!
     
  10. Yeah but fuck all lead in his pencil.:tongue4:
     
  11. Due to sea time in my children’s early formative years, go and ask your mother on my occasional RR time at home always seemed to work quite well? Also saves the kids using the pens and pencils, to draw on the walls.
     
  12. I sat my lot down in front of the telly and made them watch *Spartacus* Seasons 1 ,2 and 3 on SKY. They now associate any form of sex with a grisly and violent death, so I don't expect any unwanted pregnancies in my family unit for quite a long time to come.
     
    • Like Like x 2
  13. I have now downloaded, printed and glued the following on the fridge door and the door on the kitchen cupboard that houses all the sweets and crisps.

    You do any of this and cause more wear and tear on my wallet...........


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    You will end up like this...........


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    So far, so good.
     
    Last edited: Jul 29, 2012
  14. I told my nephew about the dangers of sexually transmitted diseases and he told me about Ward 24 I think it's called (the VD clinic) and then told me about forms of clap I've never heard of, and the cures. It was quite informative and I was glad I brought the subject up.
    He is telling me more when he has finished showing me more about using various electronic gadgets I own but cannot use.
    Ah technology.
     
  15. Aye Steve, we read your book:

    <<...DVDs. One popular misconception gaining currency is that these are 'wee, round, silvery-plastic, recording media.'

    Ah so - But not so.

    It can only now be revealed that "DVDs" is just a huge, alphabetically-indexed catalogue of all those STDs contracted, diagnosed, shared (but rarely ever cured)from across the Globe (Editor: surely "and Laurel?") by Rum Ration's popular black crippled hypochondriac; currently bed-blocking/swamping at Midshire's Cottaging Hospital whilst his obsolescent carabang is being re-infested with those Bombay Runners he* sorely loves and misses.

    The photographs featured therein (incorrectly attributed to his personal award-losing photographer, "No-Way Christine") are X-rated and are not for the squeamish; especially that x-ray plate at illustration 752, page 947 depicting the unsuccessful attempt at removing two home-made miniature stainless steel broken umbrellas...>>
     
  16. I can honestly say I never caught the boat up.
    I shagged the same bird as my oppo in mombers, he squoze, I never.
    He recons he must have gone deeper, but nah, scrawny white pecker, he shook his, I kick mine.;P
     
    • Like Like x 1
  17. Tell the truth now Rummers, you never touched the sides did you!
     

  18. I'll rephrase that, did he enter via the torpedo loading hatch while you went through the donk shop hatch.
     
    Last edited: Jul 30, 2012
  19. Both through the for'd hatch:)
     
  20. Mate of mine threw a leg over in Mombers, said it was like waving his arm through the kitchen window.
     

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