How to cure the common cold?

Discussion in 'The Gash Barge' started by Six_and_a_Half, Feb 15, 2007.

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  1. Because I've got something of a weakling immunity system, I'm suffering with a case of the common cold. Usually I'll just ride it out, but it just seems to be getting worse.

    Can anyone suggest an over-the-counter medicine to help me rid this blasted cold!
  2. Two asprins and a large repeat large tot of pussers rum.
  3. Get pissed, works a treat , then the following day go for a run, if it doesnt cure you, it will kill you lol, but at least your cold will be gone !
  4. Take a 30 day dose of Echinacea twice a year. I used to catch colds at the drop of a hat, then started the above regime. I still catch colds, but not as often, and they don't last as long, for what it's worth.
  5. Go to Boots and get Vicks First been created with the Porton Down Common Cold research Unit.It works a treat!
  6. Take the juice of half a litre of whisky, down in one, problem solved, you wont give a shit if you have cold anymore.
  7. With a username of Peter, I guess you are a man, therefore stop playing down the seriousness of this matter!

    You are obviously suffering with MAN FLU, a viral strain that women will never experience and therefore cannot dispute.

    They do not realise the severity of MAN FLU, and unlike the myth of how painful childbirth is (!!!!!) they always tell us to get on with it when we suffer MAN FLU.

    I sympathise with you, you are obviously an extremely brave guy for playing down such a serious medical ailment.

    Good on you.

    Brandy and Honey is worth a try - it tastes nice even if it doesn't cure your MAN FLU.
  8. I always buy a litre of fresh orange juice from a supermarket and down it. Doesn't matter if its value or expensive, its the hit of Vit C that does it for me
  9. Eat an apple every day lad - you'll be surprised how your health improves - GRxx
  10. I suggest taking a whole packet of laxatives.

    It might not cure the cold, but it'll stop the coughing and sneezing - you'll be too bloody scared to.
  11. Lemsip cold and flu capsules are pretty good, alternatively effervescent co-codamol mixed with effervescent vit-C about every 4 hours.
  12. Having taken that concoction, can you go out on the piss??? :wink: :grin:
  13. Yep! It's brilliant!
  14. wet_blobby

    wet_blobby War Hero Moderator

    to much off a fat knacker to catch anything these days mate, sorry :wink:
  15. As long as you're not planning on staying out long.....
  16. Or very concious :lol: .
  17. My mate once told me that you should keep yourself warm and put a muff around your mouth.
  18. Take a bottle of red wine, (I find 14% to be about right), open it, place on small table near sofa.
    Take a second bottle of same, open it, leave in kitchen to chambre.
    Find or hire a couple of good videos, or your personal selection of rubbish on TV.
    Wrap up warm.
    Sit on sofa, watch TV, down first bottle of wine.
    Recover second bottle from kitchen, watch more TV, down second bottle.
    Turn TV off (to save planet), have one or two glasses of Port.
    Crawl upstairs, change into nightwear, rub Vick into chest, and WHITE Tiger Balm into neck, forehead, and exterior of nose.
    Zip into high tog sleeping bag covered with light blanket and sleep for as long as your personal circumstances permit.
    When you awake you should have a clear(ish) head and feel much better.
    Chuck sleeping bag and nightclothes into dhobi, chuck self into shower, chuck bottles into recycling bin.
    Job done!!

  19. Or even unconcious!!....Staying out long depends on a number of things, beer intake, chatting up, throwing up, going back to her place, things like that. But i could always take my medicine with me!!
    FFS,'s a been said all along..throw some pussers down yer throat! :lol:
  20. Go to a health food place like Holland and Barrett, ask for some Pulsatilla. My ex wife introduced me to it and it kills a cold damn quick. What it does is drive the infection out of your system so you feel like death for a day then you are fine afterwards.

    Only thing is if you use mint toothpaste wait for an hour, also dont smoke or drink anything with caffeine in it for 20 mins before you take it and 20 mins afterwards. Trust me it works a treat.


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