Navy Net - Royal Navy Community

Register a free account today to become a member! Once signed in, you'll be able to participate on this site by adding your own topics and posts, as well as connect with other members through your own private inbox!

How Old Are You

pingbosun

Lantern Swinger
Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked,

"How old was your husband?"
"98," she replied. "Two years older than me."

"So you're 96," the undertaker commented.
She responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it?

_________________________________
Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked.
She simply replied, "No peer pressure."
_______________________________
The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs.
__________________________________________________________
I've sure gotten old! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still have my driver's license! :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll:
________________________________
I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over. :oops: :oops: :oops:
_______________________________
An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart.
"Wal-Mart?" the preacher exclaimed. "Why Wal-Mart?"
"Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week " :twisted: :twisted: :twisted:
____________________________________________________________
My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be. :neutral:
________________________________
Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.
_______________________________
It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffeemaker.
______________________________
These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For fast relief."
______________________________
Remember: You don't stop laughing because you grow old, You grow old because you stop laughing.
---------------------------------------------
THE SENILITY PRAYER : Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.
-------------------------------------

:lol: :roll: regards pingbosun
 
A little old lady was going up and down the halls in a nursing home wearing only a flimsy negligee.
As she walked, she would flip up her nightgown at people and say, "Supersex!"
She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair. Flipping her gown at him, she said, "Supersex!"
He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, "I'll take the soup".
 
Thread starter Similar threads Forum Replies Date
MoD_RSS The Philippines and the United Kingdom: old friends, new horizons MoD News 0
D Free TV licences for the old and bold Diamond Lil's 14
soleil Dorset Echo: "‘Does Anyone Know My Old Navy Friend?" The Quarterdeck 4
MoD_RSS 21-year-old Manchester rapist sentenced for longer MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Highways England traffic officers prove a real role 'model' for 10-year-old Toby MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Government bans old coach, bus and lorry tyres from roads in new measures to improve road safety MoD News 0
D Help with old WW1 photo History 10
soleil Portsmouth News: "34 Great Old Photos Of The Famous Royal Navy Aircraft Carrier HMS Hermes" The Fleet 1
MoD_RSS Sentence increased for London man who kidnapped and sexually abused eight-year-old boy MoD News 0
U The Old and Bold are revolting Diamond Lil's 12
MoD_RSS Manchester motorway rises up to revitalise 50-year-old bridge MoD News 0
soleil FB: RN - Liverpool: 18-year-old Sailor Rhys Gets A Birthday Surprise From His Family On Board HMS Prince Of Wales The Fleet 0
MoD_RSS The VMD’s old GSI email address will no longer work from 1 April MoD News 0
MoD_RSS The Old Hall School: warning notice MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Mum and 5 year old rescued from quick sand at Blue Anchor Beach, Somerset MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Man who sexually assaulted 5 year old jailed for longer MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Unique 300 year old scientific drawings at risk of leaving the UK MoD News 0
K Another 17 year old wanting to join the Navy Joining the Royal Navy 20
M 17yr old wanting to join the RN Joining the Royal Navy 21
MoD_RSS HOW A CENTURY OLD SPOON LED TO THE MILITARY BURIAL OF AN ESSEX SOLDIER WHO DIED IN THE GREAT WAR MoD News 0
MoD_RSS VMD email address: the old gsi address will not work from 1 April 2020 MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Conor Burns celebrates 2,000 year old Tunisian trade links MoD News 0
Alfacharlie Was the old rum ration days better? Diamond Lil's 4
slim Should Retired Old and Bold Pharts Leave RR? Diamond Lil's 59
Winny Old RN Vids The Quarterdeck 10
MoD_RSS Major demolition milestone at HS2’s Old Oak Common site as Great Western sheds cleared MoD News 0
B OLD age recruit! Joining Up - Royal Navy Recruiting 3
MoD_RSS News story: Competition will breathe new life into an old Pacer train MoD News 0
Coggie Really old photos History 1
MoD_RSS Press release: HS2 completes biggest demolition challenge yet at site of new Old Oak Common tunnel crossover box MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Statement to parliament: Consulting on options to ban old tyres MoD News 0
MoD_RSS News story: Government to consult on ban on 10-year-old tyres to boost road safety MoD News 0
M Waterproofing old jacket The Gash Barge 20
MoD_RSS Press release: HS2 confirms London Euston and Old Oak Common construction teams MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Press release: HS2 reveals Old Oak Common station designs as work ramps up on west London super-hub MoD News 0
R 16 Year Old Wanting To Join RN But Parents Are Apprehensive. HELP! Joining Up - Royal Navy Recruiting 31
M Ganges old boys 1963 History 0
themuddyduck Residency Waiver - Old Passports Joining the Royal Navy 4
R Old RM Films The Corps 3
MoD_RSS News story: Commercial vehicle operators using old tyres to face investigations MoD News 0
P What is this old Sub History 37
janner Old Submarine films Submariners 6
MoD_RSS News story: The Borders and Immigration Inspectorate is 10 years old MoD News 0
J Joining as an officer at 26 (soon 27) years old Joining Up - Royal Navy Recruiting 3
vauxhall Another happy 70 year old Finance & Pensions 0
fishhead Old dog,old tricks Land Ops 0
Sumo Bit of old history from a brave man History 2
soleil Mail: Royal Navy Keeps Old Offshore Patrol Ships It Was Due To Retire For Post-Brexit Coastline Protection The Fleet 1
D Deserting Old and Bold--Why? The Gash Barge 163
Sumo Old salt to the end History 1
Similar threads


















































Latest Threads

Top