Honorary Matelot

Discussion in 'The Gash Barge' started by Lingyai, Mar 7, 2007.

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  1. So who would you nominate as an honorary matelot? Anyone, celeb, friend, anyone. A few lines as to why would be nice.
    To start I would like to nominate Oliver Reed.
    Macho star of stage and screen, well known for his drunken antics. He famously wrestled naked in a film, the first full frontal male nudity on screen.
    According to Ken Russell, the aforementioned homo-erotic wrestling scene was not actually included in the original script, due to his feeling that the censors of the time would not allow it to pass. Hearing this, Reed was none too pleased, and apparently demonstrated his displeasure by wrestling Russell to the floor in his kitchen, and pinning him to the ground until he agreed to include it…
    For the nude wrestling, Reed admitted to considering “a fiddle†in order to “enhance†his performance. However, after much deliberation, Reed simply challenged Bates to “get it out†in order to dispel any differences between the two actor’s cocks. Upon doing so, the pair decided there wasn’t much in it either way, and filmed the scene sans manipulation.
    He had a bird claw tattooed on his cock.

    Apparently, police were once called to a remote rural location close to Reed’s home in the early hours of the morning, due to complaints that a number of naked men had been seen running across fields. The naked men were a rugby team who Reed had spent the evening entertaining. Having consumed vast quantities of alcohol, the whole lot of them stripped off and went for a run through the fields surrounding Reed’s house, their muscled white buttocks probably glistening in the moonlight.

    It was alleged that during the stag weekend prior to his second marriage (to long time sweetheart Josephine, in 1985) Reed downed an unhealthy 104 pints of beer. However, Reed was quick to dispel this rumour: “The event that was reported actually took place during an arm-wrestling competition in Guernsey about 15 years ago.â€

    He once asked perma-tanned talk show host Richard Madley why he had “orange skinâ€.

    He died suddenly from a heart attack during a break from filming Gladiator in Valletta, Malta, reportedly after drinking three bottles of Captain Morgan's Jamaican rum, eight bottles of German beer, numerous doubles of Famous Grouse whisky, and beating five much younger Royal Navy sailors at arm wrestling at a bar called "The Pub."

    Oliver Reed, I salute you :grin:
  2. wet_blobby

    wet_blobby War Hero Moderator

    That head copper bloke in "life on mars" would get my vote.

    he posseses a straight forward thought procees, is refreshingly Politicaly Correct and always ends up in the boozer after a hard day's work. :lol:
  3. janner

    janner War Hero Book Reviewer

    Is this your way of coming out Ling :wink: :wink:
  4. janner

    janner War Hero Book Reviewer

    Quote of last night from him "Telling the truth, you'll be telling me next that Enouch Powell is throwing one up Shirley Bassey."
  5. Surely the RN doesn't need anymore pissheads. I nominate Graham Norton as the modern-type matelot.
  6. I worked for about 20 DCI's or DI's like that. In fact if they were not like that they had no hope of ever becoming a DI. In Old Bill attitudes of the 60's, 70's 80's "The Sweeny" TV show had it just about right. Just as "Das Boot" is the only, repeat only, film true to life in D/E boats.


    One Det. Supt. of the time, when outside of England and Wales, and in particular in I.O.M. the West Indies and USA use to get himself, and his team of boys, sworn in as a Special Constable/Sheriffs Deputy to avoid all this silly "You are not a Policeman here" excuses from suspects.
  7. Jim Davidson surely?

    Loads of work for service personnel and their welfare and likes a few scoops to boot (allegedly?!?).
  8. Why???...you want to turn honest Jack into shirt tuggers?? :shock: :Bollox
  9. I was being ironic!! :roll: And you mean shirtlifters.
  10. The late George Best, even though I am not a football buff, I think he was one of the best footballers to ever play, amazing skill and not nasty or dirty on the pitch, just played the game.
  11. Whats "ironic" mean?!...and I only ""tug" at the shirts ..shirtlifters are queer!!! :grin: :grin:
  12. I would second that nomination. I have visted Ollie's Last Pub in Valletta a couple of times. Its just the sort of dingy backstreet stink-hole that you would expect a man of his stature to die in.
  13. I nominate Lingy. I'm sure he'd make a great matelot were he a bit older than 13 and three-quarters! :twisted: :wink: :lol:
  14. Well, it's better than 60 I suppose.....
  15. Very good AaC, but I am 11yrs old and doing ok as a matelot
  16. Another "theatrical type" Steve Strange, bought us loads of drink in London after the Falklands & never tried it on.

    Or no one would admit to it!!
  17. Its just got to be Homer, not not that old Greek poet but Homer Simpson
    Typical Matelot.
  18. Cheers Uncle Albert :grin:

  19. Got to agree the man has plenty of problems of his own. But that has not stopped him doing all he can to help the services and service personnel in any way he can. I don’t know if you know it but when he is not in the public eye (tabloids) he spends most of his time working behind the scenes organising/setting up things for our lads and lasses.

    His brother was on the Andromeda.

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