Home brewing, baking and other homely tasks.

#1
I went to an oppo's last night and he offered me a pint of his own home made beer. It wasn't bad, pretty good actually, easily as nice as any ale you'd get in my local.

I quite fancy having a go at this home brewing lark, anyone else into it? Any top tips? What sort of kit do I need? Will I have to grow a beard etc.

I also have an abundance of apples (cooking and cox type) growing in my garden, does this mean I can make cider?

Finally is it worth it? Will the cash and effort I put in to setting up, equal the amount of beer I'll get out of it? I don't really want to fork out £200 for the gear, spend hours and hours brewing, only to be left with something I could have bought in Tesco's for £30.
 
#2
Re: Home brewing

I can't offer any advice, but I can relate a cautionary tale regarding home brew!

An oppo of mine decided to give it a go, and made a fairly passable brew of bitter, which we duly tested. Whilst I was impressed with the results of his labours, he decided that it "lacked something". He then made a second batch, and doubled all the ingredients except the water! The testing session that followed could have easily seen the pair of us being admitted to Haslar, as the resulting concoction could have been used to fuel the space shuttle!

Good luck with your trials 2DD
 
#3
Re: Home brewing

2_deck_dash said:
I went to an oppo's last night and he offered me a pint of his own home made beer. It wasn't bad, pretty good actually, easily as nice as any ale you'd get in my local.

I quite fancy having a go at this home brewing lark, anyone else into it? Any top tips? What sort of kit do I need? Will I have to grow a beard etc.

I also have an abundance of apples (cooking and cox type) growing in my garden, does this mean I can make cider?

Finally is it worth it? Will the cash and effort I put in to setting up, equal the amount of beer I'll get out of it? I don't really want to fork out £200 for the gear, spend hours and hours brewing, only to be left with something I could have bought in Tesco's for £30.
Home brewing, moving to Brough - you've changed! :roll:
 
#4
Re: Home brewing

labrum said:
Home brewing, moving to Brough - you've changed! :roll:
I'm going for the full Hugh Fearnly-Whittingstall lifestyle, vegetable patch, animals that I can kill for their meat, home brewed ale and lots of guns.

Edited to add: Not Brough, but close.
 
#5
Re: Home brewing

2_deck_dash said:
labrum said:
Home brewing, moving to Brough - you've changed! :roll:
I'm going for the full Hugh Fearnly-Whittingstall lifestyle, vegetable patch, animals that I can kill for their meat, home brewed ale and lots of guns.
This is good, I now have a beard and live but a short drive away - I'll be up to admire you giant leek this time next year!

Can't offer any home brewing tips but if you want any advice on bread making give me a shout.
 
#6
Re: Home brewing

Awesome. Northern RR meet with cake sale and ale tasting at mine next summer.

Oooh bread, that's my next adventure. I tried making sour dough in the summer but it just made my flat smell of vomit. Every other loaf I've made seems to stick to the bottom of the tray and falls apart when I try to get it out of the oven.
 
#7
Re: Home brewing

2_deck_dash said:
Awesome. Northern RR meet with cake sale and ale tasting at mine next summer.

Oooh bread, that's my next adventure. I tried making sour dough in the summer but it just made my flat smell of vomit. Every other loaf I've made seems to stick to the bottom of the tray and falls apart when I try to get it out of the oven.
Sour dough does have it's unique smell. Insufficient lube on tray and insufficient kneading. Best advice is invest in a bread machine to share the load of making your daily loaf then you can experiment to your heart's content and improve you skills gradually without the make or break pressure of feeding your growing family. Many bakers would pour scorn on robot bread but if it gives you more time to shoot things and see to the missus where's the wrong in that?
 
#9
Re: Home brewing

Montigny-La-Palisse said:
2_deck_dash said:
Oooh bread, that's my next adventure.
Careful, they don't like bummers in Cumbria. Remember it's still 1974 there.
Baking is not gay. Anything that reduces women to putty in your hands cannot be gay. I made some cookies the other day. I might as well have stripped bollocko and ran through a drunken hen party convention at Butlins.

Baking for the win.
 
#10
Re: Home brewing

labrum said:
Sour dough does have it's unique smell. Insufficient lube on tray and insufficient kneading. Best advice is invest in a bread machine to share the load of making your daily loaf then you can experiment to your heart's content and improve you skills gradually without the make or break pressure of feeding your growing family. Many bakers would pour scorn on robot bread but if it gives you more time to shoot things and see to the missus where's the wrong in that?
I do actually have a bread maker. It's sitting boxed under my sink, never opened along with my fondue set, George Foreman grill and mini kebab rotisserie.

I shall dig it out and have a go.
 
G

guestm

Guest
#11
Re: Home brewing

2_deck_dash said:
Montigny-La-Palisse said:
2_deck_dash said:
Oooh bread, that's my next adventure.
Careful, they don't like bummers in Cumbria. Remember it's still 1974 there.
Baking is not gay. Anything that reduces women to putty in your hands cannot be gay. I made some cookies the other day. I might as well have stripped bollocko and ran through a drunken hen party convention at Butlins.

Baking for the win.
Ok.

Here's your christmas present:

 
#12
Re: Home brewing

Montigny-La-Palisse said:
Ok.

Here's your christmas present:

Jealousy will get you nowhere. Just because the most impressive dish you've ever offered a bird is a reheated kebab and a warm can of Stella in your cabin at 2am.

Try cookies next time. It makes them do ****.
 
G

guestm

Guest
#13
Re: Home brewing

2_deck_dash said:
Jealousy will get you nowhere. Just because the most impressive dish you've ever offered a bird is a reheated kebab and a warm can of Stella in your cabin at 2am.

Try cookies next time. It makes them do ****.
Why cook when you can make the bitch do it? Also, just tell her it's going in her arse and if she says no do it anyway.

Poof.
 
#14
Re: Home brewing

You don't need to spend loads on kit. A placci dustbin with a decent fitting lid (actually, cling film with a few pinholes will do) and some new rubber tube with a J shaped glass tube on it. Oh, and some inexpensive Sodium Metabisulphite powder ( http://www.google.co.uk/url?sa=t&so...2q23Dg&usg=AFQjCNHPegiH-6A1Yg5tPWyVtSxx9hhumQ ).

I bought a half price Geordie beer kit last year (the bag of yeast was missing) that I'll brew off in the new year. To make up for that is a bottle of Worthington White Label sitting quietly under the stairs. My only problem is that I can't move in my kitchen for bloody empty beer bottles (making them empty was fun. Gott bless Lidl).

Good luck with yours.

Best wishes to all of you and yours for Crimbo,

P o L (retd)
 
#16
Re: Home brewing

A beard can be useful, as a filter, should your brew have foreign bodies and is cloudy. Any verifiable, well tended beard will do. WARNING...If the beard is unknown to you, jog carefully and approach with care
 

jockpopeye

Lantern Swinger
Book Reviewer
#17
Re: Home brewing

You should give prison wine a try.

1 Can be made in a bog, but in this case why not try a strong plastic bag.
2 Fill with whatever you can get your hands on. Fruit juice is good, but you may have to use water and sugar or chunks of fruit.
3 Probably will not have access to yeast in prison so a bit of mouldy bread will do, put it in a sock to stop it spreading through your concoction.
4 Tie the bag with a straw through the knot to let the carbon dioxide escape.
5 Hide from the prison guard (or wife) and allow to ferment for three days to a week.

If waiting is a bit boring why not try taking it ***********, this should appeal to someone who is into baking.
 
#18
Re: Home brewing

2_deck_dash said:
labrum said:
Sour dough does have it's unique smell. Insufficient lube on tray and insufficient kneading. Best advice is invest in a bread machine to share the load of making your daily loaf then you can experiment to your heart's content and improve you skills gradually without the make or break pressure of feeding your growing family. Many bakers would pour scorn on robot bread but if it gives you more time to shoot things and see to the missus where's the wrong in that?
I do actually have a bread maker. It's sitting boxed under my sink, never opened along with my fondue set, George Foreman grill and mini kebab rotisserie.

I shall dig it out and have a go.
A bread maker is the way forward when commiting to the never buying shop bought bread again. George Foreman grill is the choice of champions; it is the Nissan Pathfinder of the culinary world.

For the rest of you who aren't north eastern dinosaurs and have moved on from attritional to effects based methods of securing a bag off baking comes highly recommended.

The secret is to just crack on making the bread / cookies, chargrilled vegetables via the George Foreman presented in a fancy tower with some equally fancy drissle (freshly baked sundried tomato and parmesan focaccia on the side) and, this is key, show more interest in the preparation and her reaction to first tasting than in getting your end away. The natural response to this immersion in post newmannery will be either "isn't it he lovely wanting to please me" or "he may be gay I must 'cure' him"; either way she will soon be offering things MLP and cúnto need to use a transit and harry black to get a sniff off.
 
G

guestm

Guest
#19
Re: Home brewing

labrum said:
For the rest of you who aren't north eastern dinosaurs and have moved on from attritional to effects based methods of securing a bag off baking comes highly recommended.
North Western if you please. I've got you an apron too.

 
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