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HELP! invaded by wildlife!

So we can re write the old riddle can we?

Whats the difference between a Tractor and a PO Stoker

One has hydrolics and other has dry bollix
 
Solution to cat problem:

1.Purchase one in number industrial strength 'Howling banshee' firework.
2. Insert head of said firework up cats a**e ensuring stick and blue touch paper still visible
3. Drop stick end into industrial size milk bottle
4. Light blue touch paper - retreat to safe distance
5. Emit cries of "woo" and "awww" as firework takes off and explodes in cascade of pretty colours
6. Enjoy cool acoholic beveridge and congratulate ones self on a. Great firework display and b. ridding the Fareham area of yet another garden ruining incredible crapping machine

SAFETY TIPS
NEVER EVER RETURN TO A FIREWORK ONCE LIT.
Keep all unused firworks in a metal tin.
use a torch NOT matches
 
fishmiester said:
Solution to cat problem:

1.Purchase one in number industrial strength 'Howling banshee' firework.
2. Insert head of said firework up cats a**e ensuring stick and blue touch paper still visible
3. Drop stick end into industrial size milk bottle
4. Light blue touch paper - retreat to safe distance
5. Emit cries of "woo" and "awww" as firework takes off and explodes in cascade of pretty colours
6. Enjoy cool acoholic beveridge and congratulate ones self on a. Great firework display and b. ridding the Fareham area of yet another garden ruining incredible crapping machine

SAFETY TIPS
NEVER EVER RETURN TO A FIREWORK ONCE LIT.
Keep all unused firworks in a metal tin.
use a torch NOT matches

We are assuming here that we are discussing a CAT problem and not a PO STOKER problem! If it's a PO Stoker problem the solution's quite simple - buy him a large spanner, an expired submarine and welding kit and half bury said submarine in back garden. The mice, crows, cows, etc will end up in the boat and the cat will sleep soundly in the bed. If you still find things in the house then it means that either the cat really is responsible or the PO Stoker is maliciously trying to displace your affections for the cat to him. If desperate try using said firework on said PO Stoker, perhaps? :twisted:
 
Always_a_Civvy said:
fishmiester said:
Solution to cat problem:

1.Purchase one in number industrial strength 'Howling banshee' firework.
2. Insert head of said firework up cats a**e ensuring stick and blue touch paper still visible
3. Drop stick end into industrial size milk bottle
4. Light blue touch paper - retreat to safe distance
5. Emit cries of "woo" and "awww" as firework takes off and explodes in cascade of pretty colours
6. Enjoy cool acoholic beveridge and congratulate ones self on a. Great firework display and b. ridding the Fareham area of yet another garden ruining incredible crapping machine

SAFETY TIPS
NEVER EVER RETURN TO A FIREWORK ONCE LIT.
Keep all unused firworks in a metal tin.
use a torch NOT matches

We are assuming here that we are discussing a CAT problem and not a PO STOKER problem! If it's a PO Stoker problem the solution's quite simple - buy him a large spanner, an expired submarine and welding kit and half bury said submarine in back garden. The mice, crows, cows, etc will end up in the boat and the cat will sleep soundly in the bed. If you still find things in the house then it means that either the cat really is responsible or the PO Stoker is maliciously trying to displace your affections for the cat to him. If desperate try using said firework on said PO Stoker, perhaps? :twisted:

We need to get some stuff straight:-
1. Let me assure you it was the Cat who brought in the mouse and he then proceeded to carry said rodent in his mouth before being shooed out
2. There will be no burying of anything in the garden as it has just been landscaped
3. There are no cows in Fareham
4. There are no hydraulics of any kind in the house
5. If there are any more being cruel to cats posting I will take my picture of the floatation devices and play on another website
 
rosinacarley said:
5. If there are any more being cruel to cats posting I will take my picture of the floatation devices and play on another website

So let me get this straight - any more cat cruelty postings will result in more pictures being taken with these being posted on other web-sites :)
 
38_cat_carrier.jpg
 
UncleAlbert said:
We had a ships cat on the Carron we called her “cooking fat†cooky for short. The Jimmi kicked it into the dry dock.

Everyone went to the funeral (except the Jimmi)………..

He would have got a boot where the light don't shine no Stewart Granger I hate cruelty to animals, funny enough our Jimmy the ginger Tom is now in his twenty fourth year how long do these cat things live for??
 
Mice Control
Mice Control products to buy online Mouse repellers, traps, poison etc Mouse Trap Alternative
Humane: no poison, no dead bodies Clear your whole house now £28.95
 
higthepig said:
Mice Control
Mice Control products to buy online Mouse repellers, traps, poison etc Mouse Trap Alternative
Humane: no poison, no dead bodies Clear your whole house now £28.95
Hah! A sensible answer at last! Thanx HTP
 
rosinacarley said:
Always_a_Civvy said:
fishmiester said:
Solution to cat problem:

1.Purchase one in number industrial strength 'Howling banshee' firework.
2. Insert head of said firework up cats a**e ensuring stick and blue touch paper still visible
3. Drop stick end into industrial size milk bottle
4. Light blue touch paper - retreat to safe distance
5. Emit cries of "woo" and "awww" as firework takes off and explodes in cascade of pretty colours
6. Enjoy cool acoholic beveridge and congratulate ones self on a. Great firework display and b. ridding the Fareham area of yet another garden ruining incredible crapping machine

SAFETY TIPS
NEVER EVER RETURN TO A FIREWORK ONCE LIT.
Keep all unused firworks in a metal tin.
use a torch NOT matches

We are assuming here that we are discussing a CAT problem and not a PO STOKER problem! If it's a PO Stoker problem the solution's quite simple - buy him a large spanner, an expired submarine and welding kit and half bury said submarine in back garden. The mice, crows, cows, etc will end up in the boat and the cat will sleep soundly in the bed. If you still find things in the house then it means that either the cat really is responsible or the PO Stoker is maliciously trying to displace your affections for the cat to him. If desperate try using said firework on said PO Stoker, perhaps? :twisted:

We need to get some stuff straight:-
1. Let me assure you it was the Cat who brought in the mouse and he then proceeded to carry said rodent in his mouth before being shooed out
2. There will be no burying of anything in the garden as it has just been landscaped
3. There are no cows in Fareham
4. There are no hydraulics of any kind in the house
5. If there are any more being cruel to cats posting I will take my picture of the floatation devices and play on another website

Please don't do No 5 Rosina
 

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