Heaven & Hell

#1
It's about time that our perspective on what these two places are all about gets an upgrade to something more befitting of a 21st century belief. Enough with the fire and brimstone shite for life after death in the basement...... It's well past its sell by date.
I shall think about what Heaven should be like for all the goody-goody stiffs later on, but my idea of an upgraded Hell for all us evil bastards who have pissed up, bagged off and spent all our wages in the bookies would be having to go shopping in a massive never ending branch of Primark with my zombie wife for all eternity and beyond.

Now that's what I call Hell.

Add your own ideas as to what upstairs and downstairs should be........ in your own time - begin.

B.N.M.
 
#2
There is no upstairs , hell once I am down there would be having to live in the same space as Russell Brand , Jo Brand , Vanessa Feltz , Lenny Henry , Alan Shearer , Ant & Dec , Simon Cowell , any graduate who assumes they are funny and appears on Live at the Apollo .....proving PDQ they are about as funny as stale bread , Josh Widdecombe among many , John Inverdale , Ian Wright , Danny Murphy , Cameron , Corbyn , Salmond , loads more but I will let someone else have a go.
Good thread BTW Bill.
 
#3
Hell? Simples init. Locked in a sound proof room, no means of escape, with endless Jimmy Young, Tony Blackburn and Cliff Richards singing.......ARRGHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
 
#4
Heaven would be a place where you could drive your top of the range car, park anywhere you wanted to, and when an angelic traffic warden rocked up to stick a ticket on your windscreen, you could just get out of your motor - batter him and drive away with absolutely no remorse or any chance of going to Heavenly court on a g.b.h. charge.

Bliss!
 
#5
I've always thought that as Hell is supposed to be redders, it follows that Heaven, being the opposite, must be freezing.

I'll take the warm option TVM.
 

Dusty70

Lantern Swinger
#6
Heaven - watching eternal cricket on a warm day with a cold wine/beer at Arundel

Hell - having to work past my retirement date in the NHS (358 days to go - ROMFT)
 

huwshpis

Lantern Swinger
#7
I've always thought that as Hell is supposed to be redders, it follows that Heaven, being the opposite, must be freezing.

I'll take the warm option TVM.
Ah! But what if you're a Viking (or Norse of some kind)? Niflhel is a foggy place of freezing cold for evil ones. I'd prefer Valhalla with all the feasting and drinking, but even then I might not survive Ragnarok.
 
#8
Hell for me would be a pub where I couldn't get to the bar because the pub would be full of screaming children - literally thousands of them.

Heaven, of course would be a pub where children aren't allowed :D

I have simple tastes.
 
#9
Ah! But what if you're a Viking (or Norse of some kind)? Niflhel is a foggy place of freezing cold for evil ones. I'd prefer Valhalla with all the feasting and drinking, but even then I might not survive Ragnarok.
Without a DNA test, I'm pretty sure I'm not a Viking. Many DO's over the years have called me many things, as have the wife, but they were/are mainly of the four letter variety ;)
 
#11
For me, Heaven would be Hell if I went up there only to discover that I'd be sharing a twin bed room with Christopher Biggins for ever and ever an ever and ever................
 
#13
Hell is the realisation that you're getting on a bit. By my reckoning, I've got about 120 months left before I expire. Oh! And it's also made me realise I'm losing more brain cells every day.

I started a similar thread back in 2012....and here's me thinking it was original.

Heaven vs Hell (in the Gash Barge)
 
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