On the subject of shits - knew a bloke who was able to have a shit, whilst fully dresssed, squeeze the turd out in little bits, then shake it down his leg - out it popped and he'd carry on as if it was no big deal. Well impressive.
Also, on similar theme - my pastime used to be how many sections I could snip my turd into (with only the use of my anus) before I ran out of shyte (had to be reasonable size, and not a squitter). Kept me amused for a while. Still do it when I'm of a mind.