Hanging from the yard arm.

Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by Rumrat, Apr 4, 2011.

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  1. I Just read a piece on google about some poor Lt a few years ago who was groused up by a splitter, peeping though his cabin keyhole whilst he was rogering a junior seaman.
    Now the poor git tried explaining that he was doing a routine anal medical inspection, but no they ups and hangs the poor bastard from the yardarm.
    Thinking of the yard arm made me think of a true dit about an escapade me and my oppo had in Simon's town, back in the days of apartheid.
    We borrowed a car from a lad who was ex RN and was now serving in the Yarpy navy.
    We took said car and used it as a mobile bedroom with two young NON BLANKS we had hooked up with a couple of days before.
    Anyhow we got sussed by the sheriff who reported us to our ship. We had broken SA law the skipper said to the sheriff he would deal with it on-board, so as not to cause any diplomatic incidents. The skipper gave us a lecture on "when in Rome" and that was it.
    The next forenoon me and buster were allocated to paint the yardarms on the fore mast.
    As most will know there is a bar strung beneath the yardarm on a Leander class so you can stand there to do maintenance on equipment attached to said yards.
    In those days there was no H&S issues, just common dog, so I shoves a length of sisal about my waist, throws it over the yard and gets out to paint.
    Buster standing on the flag deck below ties the rope around his waist as there was nowt else convenient to tie off on.
    About ten mins later I fell off the friggin foot rail and plummets to wards the deck.
    Buster shoots up like a friggin geyser.
    Now he was a tad heavier than me so we meet halfway (like in Paddy's sick note) and we head butt as we pass.
    Then we stop, his feet about level with the top of my head, and apart from being half stunned there is blood flowing down wards. We just hang there like a pair of rabbits out front a butchers.
    Ship receives a phone call later from the police post at the dockyard gate asking if it was not a tad severe when it was a 300 rand maximum fine for apartheid breeching.
    When the QM asks what they mean they reply, "The double hanging this morning"
    Obviously there is humor in Yarpy's after all.
  2. Got that story of the Officer rogering the cabin boy somewhere,he was,by all accounts,the finest looking Officer in the RN.
    Tall dark haired in fact a Rock Hudson look-a -Like!
    Came from a wealthy family that was horrified at his actions.
    He went bravely to the yardarm but when he was hauled up the noose caught under his chin and he dangled struggling for 15 mins.
    The cabin boy should have been hanged but matelots testified he had been forced into it[Cliche there somewhere!] on previous occasions.
    Took a dim view of reaming in those days,especially poor cabin boys.
  3. I hope you didn't spill any paint on the flag deck.... I know how messy you dabbers can be !
  4. Magda

    Magda War Hero Book Reviewer

    Apologies for interrupting where I'm not wanted, but that story is utterly brilliant Rumrat! :lol:
  5. You are not interrupting at all Magda and you are certainly not "not wanted", you're a member of the same shit tip as all of us.:-D
  6. Think they should have started you on digoxin then mate. An absolute Corker:blob:
  7. tiddlyoggy

    tiddlyoggy War Hero Book Reviewer

    Good dit mate, glad you're back in the land of the living.
  8. Magda

    Magda War Hero Book Reviewer


    Ta, Rumrat.

    Still as funny at the second read - great story!

    Got any more like this?! =-)
  9. Babe, after spending 24 years on the lower deck, at least ten of them trying to drink myself into oblivion, I found myself in more scrapes than I care to mention.
    I must add that contrary to the opinion of some of the newer members of the RN, we did not get shitters at sea, and the practice was frowned upon by the lower deck itself, as a drunken sailor is OK in a song, but at sea he's a fuckin liability and causes extra grief for his mates. Stand fast birthdays however.
    There used to be a member of RR called Norway Chris (come back Chris we all hate Seadog now) who was a junior seaman in his first (my second) full commission, that was then two and a half years.
    Anyway we went to the Clyde to do anti submarine exercises (casex) and on completion we went first to the NATO refelling dock and then into Campbell for a jolly. (I use jolly and Campbell in the same sentence using poetic license.)
    Whilst we are ashore, it was a Saturday night, there was a general ship recall as a crab had lost his plane in the Irish sea and needed help to find it and a lift home.
    We all returned absolutely legless and were deployed into two watches (defense stations they called it then) and off we goes.
    As it was our duty watch, we were the first on deck watches, and Chris was sent on the bridge wing as Port lookout. I was bridge messenger. (Gash hand).
    About two Min's later a voice comes over the speaker, "Bridge port lookout, large steady white light two point on the port bow.
    OOW replies say again I cannot see it. Chris replies the same report. Piggy checks radar, calls ops, "No contact sir".
    Piggy says to me to accompany him to the bridge wing, so out we go.
    Where way is this light says OOW. two points to port Chris slurs. OOW looks again "Where?"
    "Fuck sake" cries Chris and without the aid of the binoculars point at the bow.
    "Ain't it fuckin big enough" he says pointing directly at the moon.
    OOW has jaw dropped, I cheese down and am ordered to tie Chris's leg to the signal light bracket so he don't fall over the side.
    As nearly half the ships company were pissed, no charges were brought against anyone, but by fuck were some riot acts read.
  10. Mags, you don't realise what you have just started.Rummers has got more dits than cap'n Dits from Ditmouth and he's also got time on his hands now his boy has parked him in front of his pc for the day.I just hope you can find the time to read the dit avalanche that is coming our way.(I just dont know how he remembers them all)
  11. Mate tis true about said dits, but alas time does not favor me nowadays.
    I have to excesses for at least three hours a day and am not excused other duties.
    I have a wish to kill the phys nurse, the war office and the doctor who keeps agreeing with the war office. I think he's a glove puppet or a creep, ain't decided yet.:-|:-D
  12. Magda

    Magda War Hero Book Reviewer

    Duh, just realised you've been sick Rumrat, glad to hear you're on the mend =-)

    V8, I like dits :toothy3: if they're all as funny as those two, I have no objection whatsoever to reading them! I've now got Paddy's Sick Note going round in my head....

    :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: Pure quality!
  13. That still leaves you 21 hours a day.Stop fuckin moanin.Think about us poor barstewards that are still wor***g for a living.(I know you abhor that particular swear word)
    Give the doc a tot or two he'll soon come round to your way of thinking:-D.
  14. BZ Rummy...glad to see you`re on the mend...

  15. I just had a friggin relapse, spent an hour or so typing a post into the friggin puter and when I pushed "Post",
    Computer said no.
    I now have to try again.
    I will not get threaders, I will not get threaders, I will not get threaders....

    I'm so fuckin threaders I could shit.[​IMG]
  16. BNM is the expert on that matter
  17. Brilliant dits! love em all!
  18. Magda

    Magda War Hero Book Reviewer


    Thanks for trying Rumrat =-)

    I'm going to sound like a know-it-all here but it's meant in the nicest way; if you've spent ages typing something and are about to "post" it, "copy" what you've written before you hit "post". If the computer throws a hissy fit, you can just "paste" it once it sorts itself out again. This I learnt the hard way at University - they were in the process of updating them all to Windows 7 but I was on one of the old cranky XP computers... died a death :hmph:
  19. :thumbup:.............................................
  20. Magda

    Magda War Hero Book Reviewer


    Perhaps we should rename this thread something like "Rumrat's Dits" (or something a little more entertaining!) so his stories are all in one place? Or just make a general dits thread?

    I'd read them all :-D

    (such a walt, haven't even sat my AIB yet!)

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