Handy Tips

The_Caretaker

War Hero
High blood pressure sufferers. Simply cut yourself and bleed for a while, thus reducing the pressure in your veins.


Heavy smokers. Don't throw away those filters from the end of your Cigarettes. Save them up and within a few years you'll have enough to insulate your roofspace.

Nissan Micra drivers. Attach a lighted sparkler to the roof of your car before starting a long journey. You drive the things like dodgems anyway, so it may as well look like one.



Avoid bickering and petty arguments by immediately punching anyone with whom you disagree.



At supermarket checkouts a Toblerone box makes a handy 'Next customer Please' sign for dyslexic shoppers.


Putting just the right amount of gin in your goldfish bowl makes the fishes'eyes bulge and cause them to swim in an amusing manner.


A next door neighbour's car aerial, carefully folded, makes an ideal coat hanger in an emergency.


AVOID parking tickets by leaving your windscreen wipers turned to 'fast wipe' whenever you leave your car parked illegally.


HOUSEWIVES. I find the best way to get two bottles of washing-up liquid for the price of one is by putting one in your shopping trolley and the other in your coat pocket.


OLD telephone directories make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and address of people you don't know.
 
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