H4H Auction. Time Machine! Can also be used to remove hair.

I won this item in an earlier auction which I may have bid on whilst under the influence of alcohol and have discovered it has time travelling abilities. Realising that perhaps it is far too much power for one man alone to have and the fact that I'm not sure about the colour, I have decided to re-auction the item in aid of H4H, so that someone else may benefit from it's awesome power.

It can also be used to shave your girlfriend or wife's muff apparently but I am yet to witness this and can't really get my head around that part. It appears to have some sort of magical ointment included with it, but I'm not sure what this is for. Perhaps it is the Elixir of life, perhaps it is just moisturiser, you will never know unless you bid on this fabulous item.

Anyway it is brand new and has never been touched by human hands. It's mysterious powers can be used for many things, just imagine being able to go back in time and meet Elvis, you could even jump forward in time and find out next weeks Euro millions numbers. Obviously it can also be used if you are a bit hairy down below as well.

Anyway basque in it's glory, the auction will end on Friday 26th of March at midday:

It may not actually work as a time travelling device and any misunderstanding arising from said time travel, is entirely down to the fact that I am taking a lot of non-prescribed medication at the moment. I'm pretty sure it works as a minge trimmer though.
Just to make things perfectly clear, it's time travelling abilities are entirely unconfirmed and may be something I dreamt up after an epic sesh on the test. But it is still awesome and the money goes to a good cause.

So get bidding.

I also intend to bump the shit out of this thread for the whole of next week until it makes at least what I paid for it for Hols4Heroes.



War Hero
Right - o -

If I get a suitable female......of the human kind....willing to let me shave their muff with this extraordinary piece of human genius engineering I'll bid 100 quid.


War Hero
You maybe hitting this one from the wrong angle, you need a chick willing to get her muff shaved, hey, you need money to make money, I'll stand the ton if you find a tom who's willing, we'll then sell the act.
Re: H4H Auction. Time Machine! Can also be used to remove ha

2dd time to get onto Newbies and post a thread.....

Attention Attention .....Female model needed to try out my newly improved time travel/muff shaving device, The model is required to test the muff shaving device before the time travel, Also pictures are required for proof of its authenticity :D

Surely one of you fcukers has a spare fiver to dish out to hols4heroes.

A quick reminder why this is so important, here are 3 cases that H4H are currently trying to sort out.

Three simple to solve cases that brings me begging once more.

1. 50 yr old ex infanteer with major PTSD issues after being involved in a rather famous incident in NI. Served 16 years, whole life is in a mess but one thing that needs addressing immediatly is his bedding and mattress. He's completley incontinent, a direct result of his illness. Been to embarrased to mention it to anyone, hence me putting it on the internet

I need £225 for him, mattress, protective sheet, bedding and spare, also £50 in cash as he has nothing.

2.EX Gunner - Aged 76: A widower, and was referred from the local CAB.
He has arrears with N-Power in the region of £1,300, and is living on his overdraft of £700. I've spoken to N-Power and arranged new, up to date statements, and requested that they put him onto their "First Step Programme", where they will hopefully be able to write off some of the arrears. He was a driver for a local brewery for 15 years at one point, so I've contacted the Licensed Trade Charity, and the Professional Drivers Foundation...they've both agreed to accept a Form A and will consider helping financially, as he meets their criteria.

Is there any chance of helping in some small way with immediate needs, until further funding from the above sources has been processed please? That way I can make sure his fridge, freezer. mobile phone etc are all topped up short term.

I'll probably send him £50 pw for five or six weeks until the various other agencies get their arrses in gear.

3. Ex RHF with 22 years under his belt in the distant past. Basically financially fcuked. All being dealt with by SSAFA. This one got to me as he hasn't turned his heating on since September and clambers into a dossbag at 19:30 where he stays as he can't afford heating and is paying off arrears.

Tonight is the first night in over six months he's had the heating on. Hols4heroes are paying, and will be doing until it warms up and a war pension and other help kicks in.
Come on you tight fcukers, the non-time travelling version of these costs 60 notes in Argos, which means this one is priceless!

You could stick it on Ebay and make a killing!

Now at a tenner from Arrse.

The Pongos over there all said that Rumration and the RN in general was full of gayers and that none of them were man enough to bid for this.

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