Navy Net - Royal Navy Community

Register a free account today to become a member! Once signed in, you'll be able to participate on this site by adding your own topics and posts, as well as connect with other members through your own private inbox!

Ground Crew


After every flight, Quantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, then
the pilots review the gripe sheets right before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.

Here are some of the actual maintenance complaints submitted by the Qantas' pilots (as marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (as marked with an S) by the maintenance engineers.

By the way, it is relevant to note that Qantas is the only major airline in the world that has never, ever, had an accident!

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in the cockpit.
S: Something tightened in the cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on backorder.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of a leak on the right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume reset to a more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: The number 3 engine is missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after a brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And the best one saved for last......

P: Noise coming from under the instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from the midget.
Thread starter Similar threads Forum Replies Date
W Calling Meteor aircrew and ground crew The Fleet Air Arm 1
MoD_RSS Spacewalk to fit ground-breaking British kit to International Space Station MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Breaking new ground with eco drive to bring the country’s verges to life MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Home sought for UK's ground-breaking prototype fusion power plant MoD News 0
MoD_RSS NDA develops ground-breaking programme for waste management MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Green light for ground-breaking bovine TB vaccine field trials MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Projects hit the ground running post-lockdown MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Ground Control to Faraday-1: Dstl to Operate First Space Mission MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Dstl acquires first fleet of autonomous ground vehicle systems MoD News 0
H Back ground checks Joining Up - Royal Navy Recruiting 1
MoD_RSS AAIB report: Snowbird Mk IV, accident during ground run and taxi test MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Government introduces ground-breaking Environment Bill MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Somerset landowner kills fish by tipping chemicals on ground MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Delivering maximum peacekeeping impact on the ground MoD News 0
MoD_RSS New process for Statement of Case submissions and Statement of Common Ground MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Dstl Acquires First Satellite Ground Control Station MoD News 0
MoD_RSS Speech: Concrete steps on the ground to create an environment for free and fair elections in DRC MoD News 0
MoD_RSS News story: Headley Court team leading ground breaking hip pain research MoD News 0
MoD_RSS News story: The Armed Forces Covenant working on the ground through Eastern England VAPC MoD News 0
MoD_RSS News story: Unmanned ground vehicle localisation without GNSS MoD News 0
MoD_RSS News story: Ban on women in ground close combat roles lifted MoD News 0
MoD_RSS News story: Breaking ground on new ranges at Garelochhead MoD News 0
MoD_RSS News story: Review into women in ground combat roles published MoD News 0
MoD_RSS News story: CDE webinar: highly robust ground platforms themed competition MoD News 0
DemobJob Technical Instructor - Aerospace Ground Equipmen - £7,000 per month The Afterlife - Resettlement and Jobs 0
soleil Shropshire Live: "Sea Harrier To Join Ground Displays At RAF Cosford Air Show" The Fleet Air Arm 4
C Maintenance Manager, Ground Services Equipment, LHR, £36k The Afterlife - Resettlement and Jobs 0
C Head of Ground Support Equipment Maintenance, Heathrow, £35k+ The Afterlife - Resettlement and Jobs 0
C Aircraft Ground Handling, Munich Germany, €25-30k pa The Afterlife - Resettlement and Jobs 1
C Operations Manager/ Team Leaders, Aviation Ground Handling, LHR, £37k pa The Afterlife - Resettlement and Jobs 0
Stirling Old Stomping Ground Diamond Lil's 2
ForcesJobShop Employment Opportunity: Employment Opportunity: Ground Vehicle System Engineer The Afterlife - Resettlement and Jobs 0
ForcesJobShop Employment Opportunity: Aircraft Ground Equipment Engineer (AFG) The Afterlife - Resettlement and Jobs 0
soleil N. News: Barry Goes From Albert Square To The Parade Ground Bases / Shore Est 4
soleil DefPro: "HMS Talent Maintenance Period Breaks New Ground" Submariners 0
slim Mosque at Ground Zero Diamond Lil's 4
soleil T'graph: Sangin Ambush Alleys Provide Ground For RM Heroics The Corps 2
soleil Guardian: "RN ready to break new ground in Challenge Cup" Sports and Adventure Training 2
soleil "Local Lad Drops In On Old Stomping Ground" The Fleet Air Arm 1
WhizzbangDai New equipment for ground forces unveiled Current Affairs 3
O 376jc Ground Station Software Development Eng The Afterlife - Resettlement and Jobs 0
B Droping tanks on the ground The Fleet Air Arm 12
W back ground colour- word Bloody Computers 18
ukdaytona Isnt it time the folks on the ground got the equipment they Current Affairs 26
TattooDog Portsmouth FC's New Ground Sports and Adventure Training 27
M HMS TIPTOE Crew member 1960's Submariners 5
D HMS EAGLE old crew Nearest & Dearest 5
soleil Sun: "DeepTrouble - Scandal-hit Nuclear Sub Sees A Quarter Of Its Crew Catch Coronavirus After Sailors Breached Rules To Go Boozing" Submariners 40
MoD_RSS Joint statement of the international maritime virtual summit on crew changes MoD News 0
soleil Daily Record: "Royal Navy Crew Salute NHS Staff On River Clyde In Show Of Thanks Amidst Coronavirus Lockdown" The Fleet 0
Similar threads