I went into a pet shop, and asked "can I buy a goldfish?" The man in the shop said "do you want an aquarium?" I said, I don't care what star sign it is!"

I met a man today who told me that he invented the crossword puzzle. I can't remember his name, but it was P something T something R!

I telephoned the local ramblers club today, and the person that answered the phone just went on and on and on and on!

I told my wife that there was a job going at the local bowling alley. "Tenpin?" she asked. "No" I replied, "I think it's full time."

I fancied a game of darts with my mate. He said "nearest the bull goes first". He went "Baah" and I went "Moo" .... He said "you're the closest!"

I rang the local gym, and asked whether they could teach me to do the splits. "How flexible are you?" they asked ...... "Well I can't make Tuesdays or Thursdays"

and finally ..... I asked the railway booking clerk for a train ticket to Paris. "Eurostar?" he asked ......"Well, I've been on tv, but I'm no Frank Sinatra!"

Let the groaning begin!!