Grief....

Discussion in 'Nearest & Dearest' started by johne, Jul 11, 2009.

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  1. ===========.
     
    Last edited: Aug 25, 2011
  2. My heartfelt condolences to you. To lose someone you love with all your heart, mind, body and soul is an awful experience. I know that grief is a strong emotion, but with the support of your family, friends and people that care for you, you will get through this. I wish I could say more to take away the pain, but I can't, all I can do is say that your two girls need you more than ever now, and you will need them too. Good luck and keep strong.
     
  3. Thanks for that kind reply.
     
  4. John

    I wish that I could say something which would help, but I don't know what to say. I can't imagine what it feels like to have someone for 34 years and then lose them in this way; I'm not old enough to have experienced this.

    I know that your feelings of grief will be painfully intense at the moment; my feelings of grief when my father passed away were unbearable. The one thing I can say is that grief has a cycle; there's a time when it is terribly painful and a time later on when the grief is still there, but different; it never really goes away, I suppose, but over time the sharpness of the pain goes.

    This will be the worst time for you; I can only hope that knowing that you are in the thoughts of the other contributors to Rum Ration at this moment is a comfort to you.
     
  5. Thanks Soleil. Itis a comfort.
     
  6. That's a very long time to have known someone so close. My current girlfriend and I met each other in school and started seeing each other around 14 years old, I'm 24 and we've been together 10 years so far and I cannot possibly begin to imagine how hard it must be to lose a part of yourself in this way.

    As Soleil has said, it may ebb given time and you can be sure my deepest sympathies are with you and I hope friends and family continue to help you through.
     
  7. witsend

    witsend War Hero Book Reviewer

    Johne, I'm pissed tonight so forgive my crap. My old man was a kock. My mum remarried. My Stepdad caught the big C. He passed away and to this day I'll never forget him. Like you, my Mrs is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I see & feel your pain. Tomorrow is another day mate!
     
  8. Johne, my heart goes out to you, please accept my condolences.
    Last year my Sister in law succumbed to cancer and my Brother in law was distraught, they had been married for 48 years. On Thursday we will be attending the funeral of our neice, their daughter, who died suddenly last week after having been "cleared" after breast cancer and then diagnosed with "secondaries". So, having just survived the anniversaries of his wife's illness, death, and funeral, the poor chap has to undergo it all again for his daughter just 13 months later. There are no words that we can say that can alleviate his pain, but we will "be there" for him as far as we can be.
    Life is so unfair, and there is little at this time that will console you, but I sincerely hope that your pain will ease, and that the memories of the happy times in your 34 years together will prevail, and that in the meantime, your family and friends will be there for you as we will try to be for him.
    Sincerely,
    Peter.
     
  9. Johne, you are NOT troubling us, we are here to listen and to try and help support you. It's not much but it's all we can do.
    Alan.
     
  10. Johne

    You have my deepest sympathies. There is no shame, or trouble, in sharing your grief as you remember one so close.
     
  11. Johne

    My most sincere condolences for your loss, although I'm far too young to have known someone for as long as you have, and hence have no idea how terrible this must be for you, I know how hard it is to lose someone you love so dearly, and is such a huge part of your life.
    Hang in there, stick with your girls and together you can all get through it. I hope you can all find peace again, with the support of your family and friends.
    Best wishes.
     
  12. Take your time and make no quick decisions, only you know how you feel. Take any kindly meant advice with a pinch of salt and do what suits you best, be selfish if you will. Do not be pressured by others!
    Try to look after yourself physically, don't under/over eat and drink especially. Watch out for yourself and be careful, your mind is not completely on what you are doing.
    There is no magic recipe for recovery and no set time frame either.
    Best of luck to you and your girls, and so sorry for you.
     
  13. Johne
    sorry to hear and read about your loss. Lost my Wife unexpectedly 6 years ago ---too young to pass away . Usual work all your days and when its time to enjoy retirement one of you crosses the bar.

    I had a very long talk discussion with our local 'minister' and what she said made sense --the three stages of grief.
    You will get through it ----but it takes a lot of willpower on your part . You'll never fully be memories free either but as mentioned time heals .

    Think of the future whats passed is passed and whats for you is still the future--life does go on and you are still part of it.

    Take care

    G.
     
  14. Just to let you know that you are still in our thoughts, Johne.
     
  15. Johne mate,

    I'm gash at these things but because I think you're a top bloke I felt I had to reply.

    I'm not going to offer you any advice because I'm not in a position to but my thoughts are with you.

    I'm sorry for your loss and wish you and your girls all the best.
     
  16. janner

    janner War Hero Book Reviewer

    Johne, I'm also crap at the condolences thing, so I'll just wish you well and also wish you the strength to get you and your daughters through these first hard days.
     
  17. Johne, words seem little at times like this - considering your last message, hope you're making it through ?

    Echoing Soleil- if you are the sort to accept help from others, Cruse was good in helping a close friend of mine when her hubbie died - another one, too young. That was 13 years ago. She never forgot him but is living today as is their son.

    One day at a time, bubba. Don't worry about the rest of your life, it will rise up to meet you. Whilst this loss and grief is yours,you're not totally alone, don't forget that when your head hits the pillow at night.

    Post anytime you want for however long it takes, we're all right here.
    Txx
     
  18. Johne
    Please accept my sincere condolences on the loss of your lovely wife.
    I know everyone feels differently when you lose a loved one, I know having lost my husband to Cancer in 2005.It is OK to feel angry with both yourself and your lovely lady for leaving you,I went through all the emotions you can manage.I felt my life was over having spent 26 years with him.
    The grief will not always be as raw but it will always be with you.Remember all the good times they will see you through this horrible time.
    A bit of advice that someone gave me and I hope this will help you,it certainly helped me.
    When you lose a loved one you are left with grief,picture it as a boulder a sold rock.Some people never go near the boulder they merely carry on with their life.Other people pick up the boulder carry it for a while and then put it down in a specia l place,they never forget it and visit it occassionally.Other people pick up the boulder and carry it for the rest of their life and never put it down and suffer the weight of it all of their remaining life.The choice is yours and yours alone.
    I hope that you do not think I am lecturing you.
    You are in my thoughts and prayers
    Jacqueline
    xx
    Cherish those 2 lovely daughters I was never blessed with children
     

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