Greenest rub ??

Nice to read those recollections of the exploits of the Grocer from everyone, which set me wondering "what was your Greenest Rub?"

My personal one was this : I came out of a bar somewhere near the top of the rock in Gib late one night, and stumbled across this skimmer laying in the middle of the road unconcious. It was fairly evident that he'd been talking when he should have been listening, and someone had given him a right thumping! Now even in my inebriated state, I knew I couldn't just leave him laying where he was in the middle of the road, so I dragged him to the kerb. At this point he regained conciousness, and seeing a stranger hovering over him naturally assumed that I was his assailant, so proceeded to lash out with everything he had. Unfortunately for me, I was standing between him and the (rather high) kerb, and a thrashing leg from him caught me in the ankle, which aided by the height of the kerb produced a loud snap!
It was at this point that the dear old Naval Patrol came round the corner, and seeing the situation, put 2 and 2 together, and promptly nicked me for assault! No amount of explanation from me would persuade then otherwise, but at least they had the decency to take me to the medics first so my broken ankle could receive some treatment, but then it was "mind your fingers Jack" as I was bunged in the slammer!
As luck would have it, the true perpetrator was subsequently found, and I was exonerated, but my ankle still bears the scars to this day!

Next dit please ...............
Similar dit skynet down the gut in '64 my mate a LEM and me a lowly EM1 having a few quite wets in a bar when some pongoes mooched in full of piss and importance Scotty my buddy went for a jimmy riddle behind the curtain so when of thes pongoes attemped to pinch Sotties beer me being a hero attempted to stop him Pongoe lashed out and floored me a pair of redcaps happening by fully booted and spurred hearing a commotion came in the bar saw me on the deck. At this time Scotty appeared from behind the curtain saw me on the deck and came to my rescue the Pongoes not wanting to be arrested by the Red Caps came out with a story about two matelotes pinching there beer etc when Scotty tried to explain the Red Caps carted Scotty off I ran after them explaining we were innocent and got told to bugger off else... so I did a flying tackle on this Red Cap (what a pratt!!) this Red Cap brought his elbow back smartly and crack broke my nose. So there I was lying in the gutter half way down the gut covered in blood. With Scottie behind carted off in the direction of Custom House steps where he was put into a dhaigso for home!


Lantern Swinger
Not so much a green rub as getting away with it and being f**ked over! Was a killick in general service drafted to Hong Kong Squadron (terrible I know) when I fell foul of a prize prick of a coxswain.......Woke up in WRNS quarters, nothing to be proud of she looked like Wee Bernie from Rab C Nesbit. I realised that not only was I adrift , I was Duty LH, and the ship was tied up in Stonecutters Island, one ferry an hour from Tamar - so far so bad. Nothing else for it but to wait for the next ferry and face the music, having only been onboard a week or so wasn't going to be flavour of the month. Waiting at the ferry is our old and bold CCMEA on his way back from sickbay who tells me not to worry my arse as I am on a jolly t in the sun and just to lie about a dental appointment/whatever as no-one gets run in Honkey Fid. No probs. As we pull in over the other side there is the coxswain, on his way backover to Tamar and his MQ after a duty. All smiles he told me 'not to worry shipmate the XO hasn't noticed' and one of the killicks has it covered, just nip up the FWD gangway and bobs yir uncle. Get to the shack and my AB bunting nips down the mess to get my rig - proper job. After a wet and a quick phonecall to say thanks to the killick dabber for covering, off I saunter, immediately bump into the Jimmy who asks me why I was adrift for my duty, realising the game was up he must have registered my puzzled look, 'you would have got away with it LRO' he says 'If the coxn hadn't phoned from Tamar to tell me he'd seen you an hour adrift getting off the ferry'..........C**t
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