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Great Spoofs I have Known (now with pictures)

Go to the Pharmacy for 500 Bowmans Capsules.
Ask for a size 13 self flushing Catheter.
A collection bag for a 24 hour flatus collection.
imom1406 said:
And there are the mini Spoofs

Go get me a bucket of steam from the stokers in the engine room
I need some tartan paint from the paint shop
Go up to the flight deck and ask for a long stand

As WE's we also had the technical bollox to fall back on. When working in Northwood in Systems area, i would frequently use "Sporadic E" or "I bancd inversion" to explain to the Duty Officer why something wasn't working and i couldn't be bothered to fix it....Sadly this ploy collapsed in on me when i pushewd it too far with Ley lines!!

I saw the bucket of steam one go awry once. The smart arse went down with a bucket got his steam - covered it with a damp tea towel, legged it back to the jesters whipped off the tea towel whereby a pire of steam arose from the bucket. It was greeted with as many ooo's as you get at a Nov 5th firworks display :wink:
Tiger, Malta, 1960. Caribou hunt on Gozo. PO Chef turns up at the forward gangway as instructed 0600 in sports rig and guard boots. Nobody there except the corporal of the gangway. Looks about him, there were so many names on that list .. waits .. the rest of his mess, creased with laughter, begin to appear from behind boats etc.
Euryalus, San Diego, 1968. Host ship USS Coontz signals challenge golf and skydiving. Captain hasn't heard of skydiving, says must accept any challenge, rep of RN at stake etc. Gunner 'volunteered'. Somehow Father finds out what skydiving is. Big worry. can't afford dead Gunner. Tells No.1 got to stop this. Finds Gunner with parachute & officer from Coontz having 'fitting' in flat just outside the cuddy. Formally orders none of his officers to jump out of any moving aeroplane. Never discovers he has been hoist by his own officers. TAS of course, not sharp like gunnery people.
Euryalus, home via Fiji, Pearl, San Diego etc etc Panama etc etc. 1968 (joined Navy, saw world). Comms officer (smoothie Lt, bachelor, nobody to meet 1st night in Guzz) discovered to have sub to early computer mag 'Data Week'. Mag has app form for blind date, tick boxes. Discovers form has been sent in in his name. Asks details. Sees 'copy' of form, alarmed. Told not many choices maybe that far West so have said any colour, any height etc. Next mail (these are at about 7 day intervals, long way across Pacific at economical speed) gets letter offering date. Doesn't know this has been written by Mrs TAS Gunner. Doesn't spot that address is Wardroom newsagent in Guzz. Writes back. Some difficulty persuading Master at Arms that this letter is actually written to us but retrieved before mail closes. Next mail, letter from date saying really longing to meet you. Rep of RN etc, date accepted (with considerable trepidation). Oops, need body to meet outside NW Bank in Guzz. Get Cdr WE to volunteer in burberry & ginger-string wig. 'Date' then works out what RN Patrol will make of Commander in ginger-string wig, lingering on dark street corner, gets cold feet (we may have put doubt in his mind - two for the price of one). So we pulled the joke pretty much with the headrope (Dear Mike, sorry ..) but it kept us happy for several weeks.
I remember we did something like that at Gannet, some sprogs granny had written to the News of the World asking for penpals. We got a photo of a wren who had gone outside & wrote a couple of letters to him.
Finally we sent him a picture of all the lads in the mess. :)
i once knew a young tiffy who had to do dolphin watch.

was sent to the sharp bit on the carrier with a radio tuned into ACRO whilst transiting through to AUTEC and passing over a specila area of dolphins etc etc. was told upon sighting aforementioned sea dweller to inform ACXRO who would inform the bridge so we could swing the ship out of the dolphins way.

after an hour queried t with th every gruff WO only to be told essential radio chatter.

after two hours decdided to risk the wrath of the WO and venture in to immeidiate merriment al round.

even the miserable bastard cracked a smile.
Quite a few years ago, there was a dit on Daily Orders in HMS Drake saying " Next Monday at 1000hrs an aerial photograph will be taken of the establishment and all cars are to be parked on the parade ground in lines of Red, White and Blue. Cars of other colours are to be parked on the reclaimed land. At that time also, all pedestrians are to walk slowly so that everthing remains in focus"

That Monday was April 1st.

You would be surprised (or not be!) just how many did do it.
And for my money the all-time one - in Hugh Willis' book 'The Bosun's Call.' He tells it better than I ever could - let's just say he (as an AB) hoists several sailors, the Buffer, and his 1st Lt on the same hook. I mentioned this book on another thread but it was worth another mention here.

Some Yank spoofs:

Being told to go ask a Master Sgt. for batteries for the PRC-77 - the batteries are labelled PRCE-8 (Master Sgt. = E-8, PRC abbreviated to Prick).

In the artillery, being told to go find some grid squares

In the corps, being told to find some Bulkhead remover.
On board the USS William H. Standley we always told each newly arrived seaman that the SPS-48 air search radar could only rotate 13 times in one direction. It then had to spin in the reverse direction 13 rotations, and so on. If the SPS-48 continued to rotate in any direction more than the allotted 13 times, it would unscrew from the mast and fall off.

After each newbie was duly enlightened, many eyes would follow him as he went topside, stared at the radar and counted to himself; one...two...three...


Also on the Standley there were two types of creatures that inhabited the nightmarish world of the forward & after firerooms. The Machinist Mates (called MM's) and the Boiler Technicians (called BT's). A favorite ploy was to convince a newbie that you needed a special tool to complete a task. This tool was called a BT Punch, and could only be obtained from the ships after fireroom. The seaman always returned much wiser & usually sporting a black eye.
There is a dit that at a Navy Board meeting all the various Heads had been tasked to propose some savings measures. FOSM rocked up and said "I suggest we decommission our brand new SSK's". Sadly, 1SL didn't realise he was being spoofed and agreed. 4 Upholders sold to Canada shortly afterwards!
Favourite one at Ganges....Report to the main gate and paint the last post :D :D
I also got sent to the stores for a tin of tartan paint to do it
Get a bubble for the inclinometer.make sure its a square one as the round ones dont fit.Claaisic one for part 3's and sea cadets.

Sent someone inboard for a 5 ton shackle and he spent all morning trying to organise a truck to deliver it on!

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