Great Gronk Boards remembered.

Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by Bernoulli, Feb 22, 2006.

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  1. When I was on a Far East deployment many years ago, our Gronk Board became a thing of shining, diseased, wonder.
    It started off with the normal assortment of green-skinned, gap-toothed St Budeaux lovelies, and gash shots from loving girlfriends that were obviously meant as deeply private keepsakes, but ended up on the Board for people to slap their doggies over after coming back from ashore at 0330.
    It wasn't until we arrived in Hong Kong, however, that it really came into it's own. First came the pictures of the Lads spit-roasting whores, and then came the Kai-Tais. F*ck me, there were some awful brutes on there: shovel-handed, Adams-Appled horrors with make up that appeared to have been applied with an FB5X and hair that was styled by thunderflash. The Board didn't really enter its pomp though, until the Trophies started turning up. The initial standard was saggy, mismatched knicks and bras, though you weren't considered to really be trying unless you brought back pants with a fearsome great Mars Bar in the gusset. It wasn't long before some Meltdown upped the ante by bringing back a prosthetic leg, taken from an amputee whore in Penang (he had specialised tastes), and then it was a free for all.
    Its reign as the Fleet's Foulest Gronk Board was ended when our scary Jockinese Joss took a close look at it during rounds one evening, and noticed that it had men on it. He took me to one side and jabbed me with a stubby fore finger with 'H' tattooed on the knuckle, and told me that unless it was cleaned up rapido, there would be an "invusturgation" into suspected homo high-jinks, and all because there were a couple of phots of a killick dabber being sucked off by a Chick with a dick.
    I haven't seen a decent Gronk Board in years. Please tell they still exist.. :cry:


    An honourary mention must got to the Civvy fisheries protection vessel in the Falklands that used to have a Gronk Room 8O
  2. Yer thinking of the wrong Navy there shippers. They went out of fashion when women were allowed onboard. Something to do with PC and the pink and fluffy roll that Pusser is trying to exemplify.

    PC is the in phrase these days and gives the control freaks something to holler about when things aren't just so. Pity there's so many tossers ruling the roost these days, it simply destroys a lot of good things that were once accepted as the norm. :cry:

    I do believe that in todays modern Navy you should be looking for something called an 'Interesting People' board ....... if they are at all allowed. :D :D :D
  3. The swamp monster board on one of the boats I was on was a thing

    One bloke said he couldn't get a picture of the gronk he sha**ed so he just brought back a photo of the hole he dug in the sand for her hunchback to fit into! It finally fell into disrepute when one of the crew's wife appeared on it and won gronk of the month!
  4. Best gronk board i saw was in the Photo dept in HMS Dolphin!All those uglies Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwww!
  5. There were a few great gronk boards during the gulf 1991, after we went to Jebel Ali and were given bags and bags of mail, the DHP got stacks of blueies and wrote during defence watches, the photos started rolling in, plastered on the catering office notice board, we had them sub divided into sections some deserved more letters to bring/encourage more swag, better photos, others were abandoned.
    We then started writing blueies on the OASIS system , just changing names and had 2 or 3 different formats, we had some crackers, but, mainly some real dogs.

    Its a shame the practice has died out, with digital cameras you could have all the spacehoppers, one eyed, onelegged hob goblins printed and published daily.

  6. That is cheating. You cannot have chicks on the Gronk Board unless they have been nailed by a mess member.. :roll:
  7. Gronk Board's were still in vogue in the late nineties, a run ashore party contributed greatly to ours they went by the name of S'n S All stars.
  8. We had the best gronk Board ever on the Antrim back on our Med Deployment in 1975.
    We were on a 6 month deployment out there and decided to write to all the National papers for pen friends.

    About 8 of us all drew straws to see what papers we would send our sad and lonely letters to,and I drew the News Of The World,so off they went and we thought no more about it.

    About a fortnight passed,at which we were at sea for most of it,and on our next port of call(Which i cant remember?)they piped"CEM Nicholson to the Regulating Office" I, of course am cacking myself as I was only a sweet 17 then and on my first ship.

    Anyway,I make my way to the Regs office where the Postie is waiting with a Sack of Mail for me.He looks at me and says"What the F##K have you been doing then? I reply that I havent got a clue and then the penny drops!!

    So I wander back down to 3P Mess and by now the buzz has got round,and we just tipped the sack out and went thru the whole lot,and this was only the start of it as I must have had about 10 full bags of mail all in all,and to make it even funnier the lettrs nearly all started with the words "Dear Cem" thats a funny first name!!

    But we had photos of women in all positions and in all types of clothing,and a lot of times with no clothing,so I dont think anyone could Black Cat that.

    I also got a recommend from the Skipper for bringing a Morale booster to the men at that time of our deployment.

    As a footnote,I also got a Cheque for £5.00 from the News Of The Screws for having my letter published!!
  9. Did the same in the 50's when out in the Med, but didn't get many replies. Did get one from a maid at Buck House, though. Well. Phillip was on deployment of the Suprise at the time and doing very well for himself with the local Wrens
  10. We did that on the Manch in the early 80s, one of the killick gollies wrote to the Sun. We averaged 10 mail sacks per drop for the next couple of weeks, ended up feeling them and if there was no photo passing them on to the next mess :lol: :lol:
  11. Sorry Bern, I agree, for a mess Gronk Board every exhibit has to belong to someone shafted by a mess member, ths Gulf War one which I refered to did however did yield some great sex when we got back.

    When I was on the Intrepid in the early 70's I won the mess Gronk comp, by entertaining a real "Earth mover" in Portland during the Work up which could not be bettered during the deployment from Amsterdam, Rotterdam, Brest, Gib, Malta, Corsica and back.

    Remember the Deaf & Dumb bird who entertained the Bulldogs JR during a visit to Tuinoizen in Holland, I took her home, made her grunt a lot, then in the morning did not know where I was, she couldn't help, so I went out, found a phone box, rang the Dutch old Bill, they came and gave me a lift to the Ship, arrived back with a minute to spare and surprised the coxswain when I got out of the cop car and thanked them from the lift.

    If I think of other Space Hoppers I will let you know.

  12. silverfox

    silverfox War Hero Moderator Book Reviewer

    I too had thought the Gronk Board a thing of the past thanks to the digital camera.... until my Stewards introduced me to the latest version - the video gronkboard. Each morning over breakfast they would show the activities of the previous nights run ashore in Singers.... just what you needed with your snorkers.
  13. I hope they don't end up on News at Ten, who's abusing who this time?
  14. Gronk Boards, Absolutely outrageous having your wicked way with a girl who may not be the most beautiful then putting her photo or soiled undergarments on display for all and sundry to take the piss, come on lads I thought we were all gentlemen :)
  15. Once knew a killick stoker who made a bedspread from the "diamond pieces" of his female conquests undergarments. Smooth barsteward!
  16. Naturally, What else would you expect from a Coal Shoveller
  17. AH Gronk Boards! bliss! music to my ears! quick dit to all you shags /skins. I was the killick stoker of the genny room on a certain hunt class mcmv and my Gronk board was placed on the vent trunking, just below hatch level. worked wonders when it was skippers rounds! Sir, never mind the shinny bits, just look at the shinny tits! lol. FOST staff was a different matter! but stuck by me "wheelies" and informed them it was great for morale! and yes the gronk board stayed. Today, lucky to spot a good old gronk board down a mess. Cant even get a decent games of "shiver me timbers or 6 me bones" anymore! god whats happening to the andrew!
  18. I had been out of the mob for some time and up came the squadron’s 50th anniversary. Myself, wife and kids attended in good cheer and were kindly met at the decorated hangar doors with a glass of champers (crap fizzy stuff). All was light and airy until it was found that some numpty had decided it would be a good idea to display the gronk board as well as the aircraft. Wifey glanced…then had a closer look and picked me out draped round some bint in Yeov’s, some bint in Norway etc etc and then various others with the Sunday Sport Girls who had visited for a photo shoot.

    It wasn’t such a good day after that.


    (Anyone got the Sport pics?)
  19. gronk boards may be pretty much extinct but they certainly werent mid 90's on my first ship all the lads messes had gronk boards thats for sure
  20. I shouldn't talk about old mates cos I don't think he's a member here.....but

    Ark Royal ion Ft lauderdale in 1986 - Our Chief Stoker in a whirlpool bath with this one armed Red Indian lassie from the local F Troop

    OH My God she was ugly....and could she drink ? ! ? !

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