Golf

janner

MIA
Book Reviewer
#1

An elderly Scottish Jew has decided to take it a little easier and take up golf.
So he puts his name down at the local club.
After a week he receives a message that his application has been turned down.
So he goes down to the club to enquire why.

Secretary: You are aware that this is a Scottish golf club?
Scot: Aye but I am as Scottish as you are Jock.

Secretary: This means that on formal occasions we wear kilts.
Scot: Aye, so do I.

Secretary: You are aware that we wear nothing under our kilts?
Scot: Aye, neither do I.

Secretary: But you are a Jew?
Scot: Aye, I be that.

Secretary: So you are circumcised?
Scot: Aye, I be that too.

Secretary: I am terribly sorry, but the members just would not feel comfortable with that.
Scot: Ach, away with ya man.
I know that you have to be a Protestant to march with the Orangemen.
And I know that you have to be a Catholic to become a Knight of Saint Columbus.

But this is the first time I heard, that you have to be a complete prick to join a golf club
 
#4
I play twice a week on a championship course on the wild Northumberland coast where yesterday I went round in 83 gross on a Par 72,I finished and went into the Clubhouse for a Sirlion steak with everything had about four pints and a couple of shorts bought by a hole in one unlucky twat.
Now does that seem like a walk spoiled? I'd rather do that than walk down some country lane and there was some decent lady golfers in the clubhouse and the conversation was pretty good.
I just like the game and a 5 mile walk twice a week is good enough but I accept it's not for everyone.
I'm playing again tomorrow!
 

diesel

Lantern Swinger
#5
I play twice a week on a championship course on the wild Northumberland coast where yesterday I went round in 83 gross on a Par 72,I finished and went into the Clubhouse for a Sirlion steak with everything had about four pints and a couple of shorts bought by a hole in one unlucky twat.
Now does that seem like a walk spoiled? I'd rather do that than walk down some country lane and there was some decent lady golfers in the clubhouse and the conversation was pretty good.
I just like the game and a 5 mile walk twice a week is good enough but I accept it's not for everyone.
I'm playing again tomorrow!
You lucky, lucky, lucky, lucky......... jammy, lucky fu...ng lucky person :thumleft: :thumleft: :salute:
 

yorkieyorke

Lantern Swinger
#6
Play at lrgc in Dorset played Sunday Monday Tuesday Wednesday this week so far. Will be playing tomorrow and Sunday as well. (and before you ask I'd do work) at the golf club :D
 
#8
I ain't that lucky Diesel,I'm retired and struggling to get a decent boner!Golf is just sexual frustration,it's the only thing in my palm that's hard nowadays!
Now I'm off to the course.
 

Rigsby

Lantern Swinger
#9
Well yah boo to the lot of ya.

i am on presently a golf holiday in Conwy staying in the Marina Hotel, Deganwy. Weather has been redders each day so far if not a tad blustery!

Monday - Prestatyn
Tuesday - Abergele
Wednesday - Conwy
Today - North Wales
Tomorrow - Prestatyn and home back to Leeds where my club is Headingley

what a hoofin time it has been so far,

The only reason people whine about golf is because they tried it once and were shite at it and simply dont 'get it'

Just as well really otherwise all the courses would be 'toppers'

gotta go now and buy some more balls!
 
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