Golden Hellos

Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by Darb, Aug 25, 2006.

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  1. Reading a post in the Newbie section I noticed that there appear to be incentives being offered for people to join up. Is the mob so hard up for talent?

    It appears to me that the powers that be have missed a trick.

    Take the example of companies such as B&Q that have found that the older generation are far better at DIY and common sense than the youngsters. Maybe the RN could sort out its manning problems by re-hiring retired SRs and Officers.

    It would be a lot cheaper for the RN as we are already house trained and on the whole I reckon that most of us still know our arse from a molgogger fairlead. :D
  2. There seems to be a desperate shortage of engineers and especially submarine engineers. Probably the reason for that is the lack of promotion prospects, or the perceived lack of them. Not sure if that's entirely true mind.

  3. Already happening. I worked with a civvy contract company and i watched around 7 colleagues rejoin the mob all who got wopping big redundancy payouts in the early 90's. Most are late forties and early fifties and have all been accepted back into the mob to complete their OE1 engaement (ie 22 years ) Nearly all are med cat P3 ( ie cannot be deployed unless unit has surgery facilties) Yes the mob is desperate for any experienced ratings to rejoin whatever you hear from the stats people and Des Browne (whoever he is)
  4. Dear Mr. Albert Hall.
    Further to your tenth recent application to join the regular navy in recent months I feel that it’s only fair for me to raise a few pointers as to where you are going wrong.
    Firstly as I believe you left the navy as a stoker it is perhaps not a good idea to apply for a commission, as being able to “punch sprayers down the boiler house†is not a qualification for the rank of lieutenant.
    We are glad that you have your wife’s permission to join us but perhaps it is a bit premature to apply for a position for her as your steward, even if, as you point out, “she makes a lovely cut of tea and has been known to occasionally get the beer in.â€
    I have checked and please be assured that the following branches that you have recently referred to do not in fact exist.
    Bunting Tosser
    Brown Hatter
    Deck Ape

    We are quite sure that you like the idea of, “going to sea with lots of fanny,†but that is not a valid answer to the question `why do you want to join the Royal Navy.`
    Also with reference to the question “will you integrate well with the wrens onboard†your answer, “yes, because I have a 10†long tongue and can breath through my ears.†Has left us a little bemused, although this did generate a lot of interest amongst our female recruiters.
    Your generous offer to forgo your golden welcome payment on condition that you receive a tot has been looked into and discounted.
    Please also note that we are not yet ready to send out press gangs so your experience of once “doin` shore patrol†in Aden will not be helpful,
    May I add that the reason we have so many, “Ravin puffters, wimmin, tossers, psychos, and big girls blouses serving at the moment is not because we are desperate, but is merely down to her majesty being an equal opportunities employer,
    Sorry to turn you down yet again but unfortunately for you and happily for us, this week we are not taking stokers.
    In the meantime thank you for your application and keep trying

    Yours truly,

  5. Old hands back in the mob, hmmm sounds a bit Dad's army to me.
    I don't suppose many of us ex's would lst 5 minutes before scudding some gobby little playstation playing chav and getting discharged.
    Don't panic Mr Mainwaring!!!!!!!!!!

  6. I don't know, i'd sign up, i could do with the break!!...{tin helmet on and wait for incoming}
  7. Not gonna bite imom1406.

    As for the playstations Lingyai, I've already had a "not now Chief - I'm on level three". Thankfully I know how to snip the plug off a power lead as well as anyone else. They did stop me before I rammed it up his [email protected] though. :lol:

  8. Nice one, I think you showed remarkable restraint by only snipping the plug off and not making him eligable for entry to the jewish faith...... ouch!
  9. That would have been a little more challenging and the little runt probably didn't have one to snip.

    My initial thought was to ram the play station up ... there is no justice in this world.

  10. What incentives are these just out of interest.

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