God

#1
GENERAL:

Leaps tall buildings with a single bound, is more powerful than a locomotive, is faster than a speeding bullet, walks on water amid typhoons, gives policy to God.

COLONEL:

Leaps short buildings with a single bound, is more powerful than a switch engine, is just as fast as a speeding bullet, walks on water if sea is calm, talks to God.

LT. COLONEL:

Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds, is almost as powerful as a switch engine, is faster than a speeding BB, walks on water in indoor swimming pool, talks to God if a request form is approved.

MAJOR:

Barely clears the drill hut, loses tug-of-war with switch-engine, can fire a speeding bullet, swims well, is occasionally addressed by God.

CAPTAIN:

Makes high marks by trying to leap buildings, is run over by locomotive, can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self injury, dog paddles, talks to animals.

LIEUTENANT:

Runs into buildings, recognizes locomotives two out of three times, is not issued ammunition, can stay afloat if properly instructed in the life jacket, talks to walls.

2ND LIEUTENANT:

Falls over doorstep when trying to enter buildings, says look at the Choo-Choo, wets himself, plays in mud puddles, mumbles to himself.

SERGEANT MAJOR:

Lifts tall buildings and walks under them, kicks locomotives off the tracks, catches speeding bullets in his teeth and eats them, freezes water with a single glance, HE IS GOD.
 
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