Gobbledygook (merged threads)

Seadog

War Hero
Moderator
#1
Neology


Is there an N Section at Fleet with a brief to turn out new words and phrases, or new meanings for words, perhaps activate and overuse obscure words or just overuse (sometimes inappropriately) proper words?

Recent Service papers feature the following;

Taxonomies
Lines of development
Workstrands / workstreams
Littoral (been around a while but what was wrong with coast?)
Coherence
Coherent
Provenance
Battlespace
Organic (as in 'organic helicopter')
Reachback
Cognitive
Architecture
Joint effects (like, mellow man)

Their use does not make the author appear clever and goes against the guidance in JSP101. It is annoying. Stop it.
 
Last edited:
#2
Re: Neology

Seadog said:
Taxonomies
Coherence
Battlespace
Reachback
Cognitive
Architecture
All N6 at a guess.

Provenance
Possibly N2?

Lines of development
Workstrands / workstreams
Littoral (been around a while but what was wrong with coast?)
Coherent
Organic (as in 'organic helicopter')
Joint effects (like, mellow man)
All probably N7

Although in practice they've probably all been drafted by MWC.

Haven't the thought police clamped down on using N-division terms anyway, there was a move towards more touchy-feely descriptions a while back.
 

Levers_Aligned

War Hero
Moderator
#3
Re: Neology

Seadog said:
Neology


Is there an N Section at Fleet with a brief to turn out new words and phrases, or new meanings for words, perhaps activate and overuse obscure words or just overuse (sometimes inappropriately) proper words?

Recent Service papers feature the following;

Taxonomies
Lines of development
Workstrands / workstreams
Littoral (been around a while but what was wrong with coast?)
Coherence
Coherent
Provenance
Battlespace
Organic (as in 'organic helicopter')
Reachback
Cognitive
Architecture
Joint effects (like, mellow man)

Their use does not make the author appear clever and goes against the guidance in JSP101. It is annoying. Stop it.
It's all symptomatic (there you go, another one) of the change-policy and management of initiatives which emanate from the TLB areas within our group environment. Innit?

Frankly I read signals, TMs and DINs and within three lines my eyes are watering through boredom. Facts don't read as such any more and if you are to pick up any of the Engineering Journals these days (just for summat to do whilst nipping off a length) you'll quickly come to the conclusion that amongst us a seriously tedious pillocks whose lives solely depend upon how many flow diagrams they can generate (which have the understanding of a very slender few readers) or how clever they can sound stringing new-speak together to shore up shit policy. The Navy News trumpets its ability to get away with the Plain-speaking English award each year (or whatever it is - how's about plain-speaking yourselves into teling the whole story once or twice, huh?) so why not have a column of sorts to illustrate the utter gibberish and corporate-talk we have to endure? Might have some effect - it might dissuade the knowledegable elite from compounding us lesser mortals in understanding what the **** is going on.

Just an idea, like.

Levers
 
#4
Re: Neology

It's Jointspeak largely inspired by NATOspeak (to be read as Septicspeak). It's fun to go to meetings and count the occurrences. It also helps me to stay awake.

Also remember that some of this babble is the sole tangible contribution from the shed loads of Consultants we now have.
 

Levers_Aligned

War Hero
Moderator
#5
Re: Neology

This government has spunked £2.1 Bn on consultants for the MoD alone since coming to power. Now unless I am wrong, I'd say that the navy alone is in a shitter state than it was pre 1997. So surely that was great value for money, then?

Levers
 
#6
Re: Neology

How to Win at Wordmanship

After years of hacking through etymological thickets of the Public service, a 63 year old official PHILIP BROUGHTON hit upon a sure fire method for converting frustration into fulfilment (Jargon wise). Euphemistically called the systematic Buzz Phrase Projector, Broughton’s system employs a lexicon of 30 words carefully chosen “BUZZWORDSâ€

Column 1 Column 2 Column 3
0 Integrated 0 Management 0 Options
1 Total 1 Organizational 1 Flexibility
2 Systematized 2 Monitored 2 Capability
3 Parallel 3 Reciprocal 3 Mobility
4 Functional 4 Digital 4 Programming
5 Responsive 5 Logistical 5 Concept
6 Optional 6 Transitional 6 Time phase
7 Synchronized 7 Incremental 7 Projection
8 Compatible 8 Third Generation 8 Hardware
9 Balanced 9 Policy 9 Contingency


The procedure is simple. Think of any three digit number, and then select the corresponding buzzword from each column. For an example 257 produces “systematized Logistical projectionâ€, a phrase which can be dropped into virtually and report with a ring of decision, knowledge and authority.

No one will have the remotest idea of what you are talking about, but the important thing is that they will not want to admit it.

Enjoy and confound your colleagues.
 

Levers_Aligned

War Hero
Moderator
#8
Re: Neology

PINCH said:
How to Win at Wordmanship

After years of hacking through etymological thickets of the Public service, a 63 year old official PHILIP BROUGHTON hit upon a sure fire method for converting frustration into fulfilment (Jargon wise). Euphemistically called the systematic Buzz Phrase Projector, Broughton’s system employs a lexicon of 30 words carefully chosen “BUZZWORDSâ€

Column 1 Column 2 Column 3
0 Integrated 0 Management 0 Options
1 Total 1 Organizational 1 Flexibility
2 Systematized 2 Monitored 2 Capability
3 Parallel 3 Reciprocal 3 Mobility
4 Functional 4 Digital 4 Programming
5 Responsive 5 Logistical 5 Concept
6 Optional 6 Transitional 6 Time phase
7 Synchronized 7 Incremental 7 Projection
8 Compatible 8 Third Generation 8 Hardware
9 Balanced 9 Policy 9 Contingency


The procedure is simple. Think of any three digit number, and then select the corresponding buzzword from each column. For an example 257 produces “systematized Logistical projectionâ€, a phrase which can be dropped into virtually and report with a ring of decision, knowledge and authority.

No one will have the remotest idea of what you are talking about, but the important thing is that they will not want to admit it.

Enjoy and confound your colleagues.
Cheers for that, Pinch. I've copied it into Word as a table and I'm going to use it to write up my division!

Levers
 

TheRowan

Lantern Swinger
#9
Re: Neology

PINCH said:
How to Win at Wordmanship

After years of hacking through etymological thickets of the Public service, a 63 year old official PHILIP BROUGHTON hit upon a sure fire method for converting frustration into fulfilment (Jargon wise). Euphemistically called the systematic Buzz Phrase Projector, Broughton’s system employs a lexicon of 30 words carefully chosen “BUZZWORDSâ€

Column 1 Column 2 Column 3
0 Integrated 0 Management 0 Options
1 Total 1 Organizational 1 Flexibility
2 Systematized 2 Monitored 2 Capability
3 Parallel 3 Reciprocal 3 Mobility
4 Functional 4 Digital 4 Programming
5 Responsive 5 Logistical 5 Concept
6 Optional 6 Transitional 6 Time phase
7 Synchronized 7 Incremental 7 Projection
8 Compatible 8 Third Generation 8 Hardware
9 Balanced 9 Policy 9 Contingency


The procedure is simple. Think of any three digit number, and then select the corresponding buzzword from each column. For an example 257 produces “systematized Logistical projectionâ€, a phrase which can be dropped into virtually and report with a ring of decision, knowledge and authority.

No one will have the remotest idea of what you are talking about, but the important thing is that they will not want to admit it.

Enjoy and confound your colleagues.
Then couldn't we use the same thing in reverse, to cut down long-winded NATO documents into 3-digit codes?

It'd work great as long as no-one mentions "Systematised Reciprocal Capability"...
 

Seadog

War Hero
Moderator
#10
Re: Neology

Thrust thrust thrust. There's more from Fleet's waffle generator;

Capability (kit?)

E2E

Customer 2

Blended synthetic solutions

MSM is now GFE (or is there a difference?)

Mission statement

Symbiotic

Concomitant

Legacy

Main gate (not that one)

Stakeholders

My eyes are bleeding. If I were a CoS I'd send this bumf back to its thrusting author marked, 'gobbledygook, not spoken here'.

Levers wrote of the engineering journals and their 'flow' charts. Worse than that are the white mafia's journals. Flow charts turn something that you'd think is fairly straight forward (send stuff to where it is required) into beyond rocket science.
 

sulzer

Lantern Swinger
#12
Re: Neology

I remember reading a similar article about 45 years ago in a RAF magazine. Judghing by the garbage I have read over the years I think lots of people read it!
 

Seadog

War Hero
Moderator
#13
Re: Neology

Command pull (The old man is choking his chicken-do not disturb)

Efficiency wedge

Deliverables

Exploit

End User

Reverse Supply Chain (by which we send broken / out of date / no longer required stuff back)

Rolling brief
 
#14
Re: Neology

Seadog said:
Reverse Supply Chain (by which we send broken / out of date / no longer required stuff back)
Ah! my favourite; especially via the Coupling Bridge. It sounds much grander than S331 action, doesn't it.

Beware the Purple Gate!

Serious question: would you consider an S549 transfer (transfer of stores between Units) part of the Reverse Supply Chain? The brown jobs (who's logistical procedures are now the only real ones, it seems) think it is.
 
#15
Re: Neology

I'm almost ashamed to admit it, but coherent, provenance, cognitive and concomitant are words which are part of my vocabulary (ie I use them).

Oh, and Storobs are either 050, 051, 052, 053, 055, 059, 350, 351, 352, 359, 450, 451, 452, 459, 550, 551, 552, 553, 555, 559, 850, 851, or 853, depending upon the context.
 
#16
Re: Neology

Joe_Crow said:
I'm almost ashamed to admit it, but coherent, provenance, cognitive and concomitant are words which are part of my vocabulary (ie I use them).

Oh, and Storobs are either 050, 051, 052, 053, 055, 059, 350, 351, 352, 359, 450, 451, 452, 459, 550, 551, 552, 553, 555, 559, 850, 851, or 853, depending upon the context.
Classic stuff Joe. Outstanding :money: :money: :money:

I am so pleased you're all having fun. :w00t: :w00t: :w00t:
 

Tanzi

Lantern Swinger
#17
Re: Neology

Twas ever thus, although I thought reachback was a euphemism for barfin'.

I prefer the new neologisms (eh ?) like 'coffee' = one who is coughed upon.
 
#18
Re: Neology

Its just spin by another name which you more modern types have accepted after decades or even centuries of other use:

"Patrol (Submarine)" was the point you left the jetty and went to sea to the point you tied up at any other jetty anywhere. Now means from the point the boat leaves its home base to the point it returns to its home base possibly with a 100% crew change in that time or many of the crew taking extended periods back in the UK.

"Commission (Surface Units)" was the start of 18 months to 3 year period of sea service and maintenance periods with the same basic crew. Now called a "Deployment" last for 9 months maximum from Base Port to Base Port. Crew changes and periods of detachment/leave to UK extensive in the period of refit to refit.

Or Have I misunderstood what happens in the 2008 RN

Nutty
 
#20
If any cnut said this to me...It's time that we became uber-efficient with our ambient strategic alignment. I'd find it hard not to commit mass murder whilst screaming.." **** off you Bachelor of Commerce degree dullard."
I find it's the small things that take me to the tipping point
 

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