Gobbledygook (merged threads)

Discussion in 'The Quarterdeck' started by Seadog, Mar 16, 2008.

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  1. Seadog

    Seadog War Hero Moderator


    Is there an N Section at Fleet with a brief to turn out new words and phrases, or new meanings for words, perhaps activate and overuse obscure words or just overuse (sometimes inappropriately) proper words?

    Recent Service papers feature the following;

    Lines of development
    Workstrands / workstreams
    Littoral (been around a while but what was wrong with coast?)
    Organic (as in 'organic helicopter')
    Joint effects (like, mellow man)

    Their use does not make the author appear clever and goes against the guidance in JSP101. It is annoying. Stop it.
    Last edited: Oct 5, 2011
  2. Re: Neology

    All N6 at a guess.

    Possibly N2?

    All probably N7

    Although in practice they've probably all been drafted by MWC.

    Haven't the thought police clamped down on using N-division terms anyway, there was a move towards more touchy-feely descriptions a while back.
  3. Levers_Aligned

    Levers_Aligned War Hero Moderator

    Re: Neology

    It's all symptomatic (there you go, another one) of the change-policy and management of initiatives which emanate from the TLB areas within our group environment. Innit?

    Frankly I read signals, TMs and DINs and within three lines my eyes are watering through boredom. Facts don't read as such any more and if you are to pick up any of the Engineering Journals these days (just for summat to do whilst nipping off a length) you'll quickly come to the conclusion that amongst us a seriously tedious pillocks whose lives solely depend upon how many flow diagrams they can generate (which have the understanding of a very slender few readers) or how clever they can sound stringing new-speak together to shore up shit policy. The Navy News trumpets its ability to get away with the Plain-speaking English award each year (or whatever it is - how's about plain-speaking yourselves into teling the whole story once or twice, huh?) so why not have a column of sorts to illustrate the utter gibberish and corporate-talk we have to endure? Might have some effect - it might dissuade the knowledegable elite from compounding us lesser mortals in understanding what the **** is going on.

    Just an idea, like.

    • Like Like x 1
  4. Re: Neology

    It's Jointspeak largely inspired by NATOspeak (to be read as Septicspeak). It's fun to go to meetings and count the occurrences. It also helps me to stay awake.

    Also remember that some of this babble is the sole tangible contribution from the shed loads of Consultants we now have.
  5. Levers_Aligned

    Levers_Aligned War Hero Moderator

    Re: Neology

    This government has spunked £2.1 Bn on consultants for the MoD alone since coming to power. Now unless I am wrong, I'd say that the navy alone is in a shitter state than it was pre 1997. So surely that was great value for money, then?

  6. Re: Neology

    How to Win at Wordmanship

    After years of hacking through etymological thickets of the Public service, a 63 year old official PHILIP BROUGHTON hit upon a sure fire method for converting frustration into fulfilment (Jargon wise). Euphemistically called the systematic Buzz Phrase Projector, Broughton’s system employs a lexicon of 30 words carefully chosen “BUZZWORDSâ€

    Column 1 Column 2 Column 3
    0 Integrated 0 Management 0 Options
    1 Total 1 Organizational 1 Flexibility
    2 Systematized 2 Monitored 2 Capability
    3 Parallel 3 Reciprocal 3 Mobility
    4 Functional 4 Digital 4 Programming
    5 Responsive 5 Logistical 5 Concept
    6 Optional 6 Transitional 6 Time phase
    7 Synchronized 7 Incremental 7 Projection
    8 Compatible 8 Third Generation 8 Hardware
    9 Balanced 9 Policy 9 Contingency

    The procedure is simple. Think of any three digit number, and then select the corresponding buzzword from each column. For an example 257 produces “systematized Logistical projectionâ€, a phrase which can be dropped into virtually and report with a ring of decision, knowledge and authority.

    No one will have the remotest idea of what you are talking about, but the important thing is that they will not want to admit it.

    Enjoy and confound your colleagues.
  7. Re: Neology

    Very useful I`ll start confusing the b******s immediately :dwarf:
  8. Levers_Aligned

    Levers_Aligned War Hero Moderator

    Re: Neology

    Cheers for that, Pinch. I've copied it into Word as a table and I'm going to use it to write up my division!

  9. Re: Neology

    Then couldn't we use the same thing in reverse, to cut down long-winded NATO documents into 3-digit codes?

    It'd work great as long as no-one mentions "Systematised Reciprocal Capability"...
  10. Seadog

    Seadog War Hero Moderator

    Re: Neology

    Thrust thrust thrust. There's more from Fleet's waffle generator;

    Capability (kit?)


    Customer 2

    Blended synthetic solutions

    MSM is now GFE (or is there a difference?)

    Mission statement




    Main gate (not that one)


    My eyes are bleeding. If I were a CoS I'd send this bumf back to its thrusting author marked, 'gobbledygook, not spoken here'.

    Levers wrote of the engineering journals and their 'flow' charts. Worse than that are the white mafia's journals. Flow charts turn something that you'd think is fairly straight forward (send stuff to where it is required) into beyond rocket science.
  11. Re: Neology

    Personally I think 'reachback' sounds a little too like reacharound for my personal comfort.
  12. Re: Neology

    I remember reading a similar article about 45 years ago in a RAF magazine. Judghing by the garbage I have read over the years I think lots of people read it!
  13. Seadog

    Seadog War Hero Moderator

    Re: Neology

    Command pull (The old man is choking his chicken-do not disturb)

    Efficiency wedge



    End User

    Reverse Supply Chain (by which we send broken / out of date / no longer required stuff back)

    Rolling brief
  14. Re: Neology

    Ah! my favourite; especially via the Coupling Bridge. It sounds much grander than S331 action, doesn't it.

    Beware the Purple Gate!

    Serious question: would you consider an S549 transfer (transfer of stores between Units) part of the Reverse Supply Chain? The brown jobs (who's logistical procedures are now the only real ones, it seems) think it is.
  15. Re: Neology

    I'm almost ashamed to admit it, but coherent, provenance, cognitive and concomitant are words which are part of my vocabulary (ie I use them).

    Oh, and Storobs are either 050, 051, 052, 053, 055, 059, 350, 351, 352, 359, 450, 451, 452, 459, 550, 551, 552, 553, 555, 559, 850, 851, or 853, depending upon the context.
  16. Re: Neology

    Classic stuff Joe. Outstanding :money: :money: :money:

    I am so pleased you're all having fun. :w00t: :w00t: :w00t:
  17. Re: Neology

    Twas ever thus, although I thought reachback was a euphemism for barfin'.

    I prefer the new neologisms (eh ?) like 'coffee' = one who is coughed upon.
  18. Re: Neology

    Its just spin by another name which you more modern types have accepted after decades or even centuries of other use:

    "Patrol (Submarine)" was the point you left the jetty and went to sea to the point you tied up at any other jetty anywhere. Now means from the point the boat leaves its home base to the point it returns to its home base possibly with a 100% crew change in that time or many of the crew taking extended periods back in the UK.

    "Commission (Surface Units)" was the start of 18 months to 3 year period of sea service and maintenance periods with the same basic crew. Now called a "Deployment" last for 9 months maximum from Base Port to Base Port. Crew changes and periods of detachment/leave to UK extensive in the period of refit to refit.

    Or Have I misunderstood what happens in the 2008 RN

  19. Plain English - How To Speak Gobbledygook

    Confuse people with this.

    One of my favourites:

    We need a more contemporary reimagining of our regenerated digital projections.
  20. If any cnut said this to me...It's time that we became uber-efficient with our ambient strategic alignment. I'd find it hard not to commit mass murder whilst screaming.." **** off you Bachelor of Commerce degree dullard."
    I find it's the small things that take me to the tipping point

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