Giving the commissioned the "good news"

Discussion in 'Diamond Lil's' started by Montigny-La-Palisse, Jun 11, 2010.

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  1. Whilst it is all too easy to slip a crippler to the fresh, young, nubile, naive and hopefully female rating onboard the ship, those middies and subbies seem to provide a much more satisfying result.

    Nothing warms the heart more than a plummy Daddy's girl fresh out of Dartmouth, in full webbing living her own Lady Chattersley's dream. There they are, being oh so naughty, looking over her shoulder to call you a dirty Northern bastard in between squeals as you smash her chips in.

    Most of the time it becomes quite clear that better schooling simply does not hide the inner slag or tramp and they are unfortunately as scumbagish as I, albeit with a degree.

    On those rarer occasions though, you really do strike home counties well bred gold and you are her only opportunity to act the whore, ever.

    Personally, I take great pleasure in ploughing the commissioned slags of all three services, (although the RAF ones tend to be a little trashier and easier, so not as much fun). Does anyone else have any tales of tricorn wearing hussys doing the like of which Daddy and her peers would not approve?
  2. Better yet, anyone have any tips for nailing them?
  3. They like being called Ma'am, and invariably permit rimming and aggressive hair pulling, merely by suggesting that that is 'what all girls do'. They are so naive that tricking them in to knife play can readily be achieved within the first hour.

    Whores the lot of 'em.
  4. Not really, as they come to me. But then I am a legendary swordsman.

    I find being quietly suggestive without being rude and back handed compliments work. Especially when they spend most of their time surrounded by drips. They all want a commoner to make them feel dirty.
  5. Fair one. I think "don't scream and I won't hurt you...much" will do the job.
  6. In my novel (well dirty book) which I have in mind to write when I have the time there is a central character who falls into this category. She is a, clearly well-bred, female Lt who wears silk panties, full webbing and possesses soft creamy flesh in the upper thigh region and who is partial to being taken, roughly, from behind in her office, by the other leading character. He is a seasoned, bolshie character who regularly treads the fine line of insobordination towards officers and takes great pleasure in servicing one of their ilk on a regular basis. In fact slightly later on, whilst on watch, the young EOOW quizzes him as to why he is continually smelling his fingers - he smiles knowingly at the Lt and infers that he might have recent carnal knowledge of his fiancee :D
  7. I want cold hard cash for using my likeness in your book.
  8. SASO on a particular type 42 destroyer.

    That's all I'm saying.

    YO's don't count, anyone can smash a gushing subby straight out of uni with a wide on from being surrounded by straight men for the first time.
  9. And they didn't "come" any commoner than moi.
    I was burying my field marshal's baton into a two ring Jenny occifer on the turf at the back of Honky fid race track when I got tapped on the shoulder by Lt commander Ba........d.
    "You bastard" he said angrily "What the hell do you think your doing"
    Being slightly pissed out of my tree legend has it (my oppo's) that my reply was "Its called shaggin and you can fuck off and get your own fanny".I think that was when he hit me as he replied it was his fanny and I was in deep sh1t.
    As he had hit me, it was all hushed up, he was drafted next morning, I was informed my hook was due to be picked up, and I was treated like a leper until drafted two weeks later.
    But it was worth every minute of it as it was "prestige", better than currency, and did I get some mileage and wets out of it.

    I must say that I have seen the said orificer since leaving the mob and he was still with his wife.
    He did not seem to want to catch up on old times ,but did manage to get me fired from my job. Malicious git. 8O :roll:
  10. You should've stabbed the miserable cunt. If he can't take a joke he shouldn't have joined up.
  11. On a similar note, I was in Devon and on leave. I met a bird at a disco and she turned out to be a WREN officer. She did not know I was "Jack" as I thought it would queer the pitch.
    Anyhow we were up on a cliff walk, and were overcome with the urge to body slap one another.
    We ended up the second round doing it doggy fashion, when I had cramp in my knee and slipped sideways, and fell over the cliff.
    Luckily it was only about a 10 or 15 foot drop, but I did break my ankle.
    The Jenny would never know this though as the bitch fucked off and left me and I never saw her again.
    Perhaps she knew what was on my mind as I stared at the starry dip. 8O :D
  12. Do RFA officers count?

    Yes? Good.

    Birkenhead refit, some scabby dance floor in a club, finger pie and snogs from a confirmed lesbo RFA 2 ringer, in front of the entire ship's company.

    Possibly my proudest moment.

  13. OK then if RFA counts so does this.

    Territorial army Captain, Stafford castle.
    Got on her wriggled a lot and she started screaming.
    Fucking hell I thought what a goer.
    She screamed and screamed and screamed. I thought what the fuck how long is this bleedin orgasm.
    Not an orgasm, stinging nettle, no more nooky, no more see me, and not invited to the next dance.
    Shouldn't have laughed apparently.
  14. No.

    That is like saying "Do McDonalds managers count?"

    Lynx Pilots and observers count double.

    RAMC whores count triple.

    AGC munters are minus 3.

    So I win.
  15. Was it this legendary establishment? One of those few places where you get great grandma, grandma, mum, daughter sat in a row giving you the the once over with a look of expectation in their eyes...

  16. Do Sea Cadet Officers count? A 2 "ringer".

    Very grateful she was, too.

    Her husband wasnt so pleased when he found out though.
  17. 2 ringer? does that just mean you took her up the wrongun twice.
  18. It's what she would have wanted if she had been awake.

    Or conscious.
  19. You never taught me that trick when I was a cadet

    Had to teach my self in later years.
  20. Blackrat

    Blackrat War Hero Moderator Book Reviewer

    Shame this does not relate to me then.

    In Germany, we used to get dicked every now and then to stag on at BMH Iserlohn. This wasn't as bad as it sounds as it was full of Nurses gagging for it. It was so popular that there was a waiting list to go there when we knew we were getting dicked for it.

    Anyway, i was doubled up with a handsome bloke called Dan. Dan and i were good muckers and he had the ability to pull wherever he went. Dan was on the main gate when a car pulled in with a cracker of a chick driving. I could see Dan talking to her and she was laughing and playing with her hair etc. Anyhoo, after a few minutes, she drove off and Dan told me that she was a RAMC Captain and we were invited to partake of a few sherberts in the NAAFI that night.

    We went to the NAAFI, Dan met up with his Captain and duly went off somewhere. I bimbled back to where we were dossing and on passing a four tonner, could hear squeals and slaps coming from within the back. Being security concious, i had a shufti through the gap in the back to see Dan buried up to his back wheels in Officer clunge, doing it doggy doggy. Dan looked up and saw me peeking. Being the gentleman that he was, he waved at me, gave me the thumbs up and then proceeded to pull faces while he pushed her head down. Filthy Officer type she was and yes, i was and still am jealous.

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