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Getting caught wanking

Grog_Rat

Badgeman
Why is is that women think wanking is such a crime?

I got caught today and she went right off on one.

She dropped a sprog two weeks ago so I aint getting any. Shes got a fanny like a butchers offal bucket and that just isn't on my SOPs. Nah that's bollox given the opportunity I would love to stick it right up her, but the doc said no shagging for 6 weeks! 6 weeks ffs!

Getting ever so slightly frustrated with the baby getting all the boob time, I decided on a bit of solo action, big mistake she comes in the bedroom and catches me, "you dirty bar steward" and all the rest.

The thing is I've got needs and I wasn't banging out of watch so what's the problem?
 
My ex-missus caught me wanking and acted like I'd been caught banging out of watch, funny thing is she had a face like a dabbers fist so It was almost like fcuking her head.

I've been caught numerous times, by girlfriends, parents, mess-mates, mates girlfriends, the postie.

Fcuk them, if they don't like it they can turn around and fcuk off!
 

jesse

War Hero
Not caught wanking; but thought I'd got a dose and was caught examining my knob in the gents by the light of a zippo. Said"Whats up mate Setting fire to it?
 

mattbea

Banned
My ex never minded me watchin porn and having one, while she just lay there (on her red), Got caught by both parents in the past and I would love to get caught by some fit chick, will then progress into full on sex like them porn movies stories :)
 

flymo

War Hero
In bed with the then girlfriend. She asked if I wanted a jump. I had been to the gym and so was too knackered. She laid there and wanked herself off. It was absolutley outrageous ... ;-)
 

girthsmith

Lantern Swinger
I remember borrowing one of my old mans Mayfairs back in the early 80s(remember the hairy growlers!?). When I came home from my catholic school it had been removed from under my pillow and put back in my parents bedroom by my Mum! Not embarrassing much! :oops: B(suppose I could have said I was reading the classic car article!)
 
flymo said:
In bed with the then girlfriend. She asked if I wanted a jump. I had been to the gym and so was too knackered. She laid there and wanked herself off. It was absolutley outrageous ... ;-)

Aye, when they do it it's fine, but when we do it, they go nuts.

Women, cnuts.
 

flymo

War Hero
Montigny_La_Palisse said:
flymo said:
In bed with the then girlfriend. She asked if I wanted a jump. I had been to the gym and so was too knackered. She laid there and wanked herself off. It was absolutley outrageous ... ;-)

Aye, when they do it it's fine, but when we do it, they go nuts.

Women, cnuts.

Can't live with 'em, can't make it look like an accident either ....
 

mattbea

Banned
stixjimborm, yes there is but as I tend to have seen so many of them I couldnt tell you which one to be precise, you know the sort surely, woman comes into a room and catches the guy having one so then the woman gives him a hand.
 
mattbea said:
stixjimborm, yes there is but as I tend to have seen so many of them I couldnt tell you which one to be precise, you know the sort surely, woman comes into a room and catches the guy having one so then the woman gives him a hand.

Substitute the word "man" for "pig" and there you have the opening plot for "Animal farm".....except she caught him err....having his oats.
 

tiddlyoggy

War Hero
Book Reviewer
Montigny_La_Palisse said:
I've been caught numerous times, by girlfriends, parents, mess-mates, mates girlfriends, the postie.

Same here, though stand fast the postie! I don't see as it's such a big deal indulging in a normal practice, it's their fault for snooping around in the first place and catching you.
 

Taloolah

Banned
It's no-one's fault. 8O She probably just feels about as unattractive as she will ever feel two weeks after popping a pup....and catching you having a wank probably just hit a nerve,that's all. The poor cow's hormones are likely to be all over the place and she's probably knackered, got sore tits and feeling vulnerable (even if she doesn't say so and it all comes out wrong). :roll:

There's nowt wrong with your shaking hands with the (temporarily) unemployed - I'd always prefer a bloke to do that at home than play away - I sure as hell make sure my dinner bell rings anytime I am hungry, so fair's fair.

Same for porn : If he wants a wank over a picture, fine, blokes being the visual critters that you are.....besides....the girls in the pictures usually have great shoes.

To be honest; your best bet in getting her ready for action again is to do unsexy, but loving things - try helping out in the house without being asked, make a cuppa,run a bath for her, put the bins out etc. ....seriously... it'll all add up in your girl's memory bank for years to come and once she's up and at 'em again she will ...err...thank you for it. :wink:
 
So whats the quick way to get a blowjob then, change a nappy, clear sick off her shoulder or the guilt trip?

" You dont love me anymore more....baby Attila gets all the love.... if you still loved me... :twisted:
 

flymo

War Hero
wet_blobby said:
So whats the quick way to get a blowjob then, change a nappy, clear sick off her shoulder or the guilt trip?

" You dont love me anymore more....baby Attila gets all the love.... if you still loved me... :twisted:

I'd go for the third option as having done plenty of 1 and 2 I am still lacking my "rights"
 
Taloolah said:
It's no-one's fault. 8O She probably just feels about as unattractive as she will ever feel two weeks after popping a pup....and catching you having a wank probably just hit a nerve,that's all. The poor cow's hormones are likely to be all over the place and she's probably knackered, got sore tits and feeling vulnerable (even if she doesn't say so and it all comes out wrong). :roll:

There's nowt wrong with your shaking hands with the (temporarily) unemployed - I'd always prefer a bloke to do that at home than play away - I sure as hell make sure my dinner bell rings anytime I am hungry, so fair's fair.

Same for porn : If he wants a wank over a picture, fine, blokes being the visual critters that you are.....besides....the girls in the pictures usually have great shoes.

To be honest; your best bet in getting her ready for action again is to do unsexy, but loving things - try helping out in the house without being asked, make a cuppa,run a bath for her, put the bins out etc. ....seriously... it'll all add up in your girl's memory bank for years to come and once she's up and at 'em again she will ...err...thank you for it. :wink:

So, reading between the lines here, what you're really saying is, you fancy us all to nip round yours for a bit of Bukakke? Am I right or wrong?
 
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