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General Election

Just got a call on the land line.
'Hi is Chris there?'
Whos asking says I
'Carl Turner your MP' (Socialist MP for East Hull, took over after John 'fat belly, two jags, punch the electorate' Prescott retired)
Why do you want to talk to him says I
'He is on the electoral roll and I want to see if he will vote for me, is he there? '

No he is not and he wont vote for you anyway says I
'Well he might, its his choice, is he there?' Says The MP
No, he is in the Gulf fighting for his country' say I (ok he is there, but fighting? Maybe the yanks at the bar... )
'Good man!' Says the socialist!
Oh dear, I only managed a simple 'well thats why he wont vote for you'.
Phone down.
Then I think if all the other put downs I could of said - bugger, always did get tongue tied on the phone.
Maybe he will ask for my other son next, hes making valve systems for the successor subs.
Writing down clever retorts as we speak........
 
Update Representation of the People Act.
Reduce voting age to 11.
Free lollipops, smartphones and trendy gear for all teenagers.
School attendance to be voluntary.
Ditto homework.
Private schools to be banned and sold off by compulsory purchase. Resultant funds to be shared amongst legal political parties and trades unions.
Disenfranchise anyone over 40 apart from political party members.
Extend the category for those banned from voting to include Tories, UKIP, SNP, Lib-Dem, Green, Plaid Cymru etc. (They are already covered under the heading "idiot, lunatic and imbecile who is not compos mentis" anyway)
Bank Holidays to be held every Monday and Friday.
Northern Ireland to be transferred to the IRA.
Increase income tax on all earning over £80,000, except for MPs who are special cases, to 19 shillings and sixpence in the pound.
Railways to be nationalised.
Corporation tax to be increased on a sliding scale to cover Government expenditure.
Scrap the independent deterrent
All members of the Armed Forces, emergency services, Civil Service and Local Government to take an Oath of Allegiance to the Prime Minister.

That should just about do it, Comrade Jezza.
 
Dilemma for the MODS - Supposed to be a serious part of RR but how can they expect any serious comment & discussion on the outpourings from the (potential) opposition parties/personalities?

That is a valid point. You just have to watch the commons to realise that they themselves belong in the gash barge.
 
Just found this.
http://www.newsletter.co.uk/news/ni...od-in-honour-of-dead-ira-terrorists-1-7008757

"A Labour MP stood in silence for a minute yesterday to honour the eight IRA gunmen shot dead in an SAS ambush nine days ago.

Mr Jeremy Corbyn, 38, joined a 200-strong audience at London's Conway Hall in paying tribute to the terrorists shot as they bombed Loughall police station in County Armagh, Ulster.

Then Mr Corbyn, MP for Islington North, attacked the Government's Ulster policy and said that troops should be pulled out of the province.

He told a meeting of the Wolfe Tone Society: 'I'm happy to commemorate all those who died fighting for an independent Ireland'"

The event, and original report, happened many years before he became Labour leader so it's unclear why someone would make it up as an attempt to smear the leader.
 

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