Funny as hell sayings?

Scrumpy

Lantern Swinger
#43
The last time I saw anything that ugly, it had a hook in its mouth.

The last time I saw anything that fat, it had a harpoon stuck in its back.

She's got a fanny like a gutted trout.
 
#45
Not saying you are ugly but when you were born they slapped your mothers arse.

After you were born I think they threw away the wrong bit

he is about as much use as ten men missing

And what branch did you fail in?(to a killick reg)
 
#46
when god gave out heads he thought he said beds so asked for a large soft one.

when god gave out brains he thought he said trains and asked for a small slow one
 
#51
Officer passing through says "Gangway for a naval officer" reply muttered under your breath "sounds like a fair swap to me!!"

Can I get in my locker?.....Of course but your feet will stick out!!!
 
#52
POWEM to female Surg Lt. (wearing tight tropical shorts and carrying carton of medical stores): 'Nice box ma'am'.

Surg Lt (with naive smile): 'Thank you PO'.

Well, I believed him at the time...
 
#53
Black lighting in the control room, junior officer asked by watch leader why he was resigning.."I don't get the respect that I'm due on this submarine"

Voice from the gloom..."Oh yes you fcuking well do"
 
#56
Senior Rate to smart ass baby orifice:
I'm not allowed to call you a ********, am I?
No Chief, you certainly are not!
But I'm allowed to THINK you are a ********, am I not?
Silence, while the cogs turn, then 'I suppose not'
Ok Sir, ................ :lol: :lol: :lol:
 
#57
SONAR-BENDER said:
Senior Rate to smart ass baby orifice:
I'm not allowed to call you a ********, am I?
No Chief, you certainly are not!
But I'm allowed to THINK you are a ********, am I not?
Silence, while the cogs turn, then 'I suppose not'
Ok Sir, ................ :lol: :lol: :lol:
Not wishing to blackcat but I've actually done that only I used the word cnut. Had to formally apologise later though. Even worse he turned up as my MEO a few years later and he remembered (he was still a cnut though)
 
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