Funerals & Respect.

Discussion in 'Current Affairs' started by FAAFLYNAVY, May 25, 2013.

Welcome to the Navy Net aka Rum Ration

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial RN website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. Having read the sad story of the deceased RM caused me to reflect on my own recent experience.

    I recently attended the funeral of an ex wartime FAA aircrewman who had served with courage & distinction, he died in his 90's in a care home having suffered poor health & dementia, & I attended as a representative, I duly turned up at the crematorium booted & suited to await the arrival of the hearse & mourners cars, when it arrived it was just the coffin in the hearse, all the mourners had come in their own vehicles, no one accompanied the coffin/him on his final journey, & after the short service they all just drifted off, "no gathering to reflect on his life, achievements or character" obviously straight back to their usual routine.

    Speaking to the vicar who had taken the service he said that this was now common practice with the elderly, he new nothing of the deceased other than what he'd been told over the phone & he'd been booked by the funeral directors, he had no post funeral meeting/contact booked with the family to check that they were happy with the service.

    What a bloody disgrace that parts of society have become so disrespectful of our old warriors who defended our country & freedom.:angry5:
    Last edited: May 25, 2013
    • Like Like x 1
  2. They probably keep their service quiet because they don't want one of those horrific, cringe inducing poems written about them.
    • Like Like x 5
  3. A funeral at today's prices is not a cheap event.Once the basic costs have been covered sometimes there is little left over money available for all the trimmings like limousines and a wake.Due to the deceased good age he may well have been a stranger to many of his surviving relatives.Many people do not like attending funerals as it reminds them of their own mortality so as soon as it's over they shuffle off to carry on with their lives.
  4. There's no excuse for not having a wake......even if it's just a sausage roll and a pint in the first pub past the crem.
    • Like Like x 1
  5. sgtpepperband

    sgtpepperband War Hero Moderator Book Reviewer

    I only go to funerals nowadays just to make sure they're not mine...
  6. Isn't the most prominent message of this not the ceremony itself, but more that a hefty number of elderly people live their final years lonely? Not saying that it is the job of the staff to be matey, they do not have the time- it just makes me sad that so many people have no one. There are 'buddy' schemes but they are so difficult to access it is no wonder few bother.
  7. sgtpepperband

    sgtpepperband War Hero Moderator Book Reviewer

    As R3 says, the fact that an old person has died lonely is more of a concern than what they did in their life. Why should somebody's Service history make their achievements in life more worthwhile than, say, someone who was a nurse or worked in a Post Office, for example?

    Recent tragedies in SE London aside, I do not buy into this 'military hero worship' that we are supposed to conform to. I've known plenty of service people who have died but they were not necessarily angels; some were ********* at times. But I attended their funerals to pay my respects to them as person, not because of their uniform.
    • Like Like x 1
  8. Montys gone, he was one of the best
    but we have to honour his last request
    no cringe inducing prose or verse
    you know it used to make him curse

    So say goodbye and make it snappy
    he only wants us to be happy
    a quick send off and then shoot through
    to the pub, to salute that mad WAFU
    • Like Like x 1
  9. I read out a poem at the funerals of my parents.
  10. I hope it didn't have some bile-rising quote about falling in for the final duty.
    • Like Like x 2
  11. Since you asked: :)

    Farewell to the Highlands, farewell to the North,
    The birth-place of Valour, the country of Worth;
    Wherever I wander, wherever I rove,
    The hills of the Highlands for ever I love.

    My heart's in the Highlands, my heart is not here;
    My heart's in the Highlands a-chasing the deer;
    A-chasing the wild-deer, and following the roe,
    My heart's in the Highlands wherever I go.

    Farewell to the mountains high covered with snow;
    Farewell to the straths and green valleys below;
    Farewell to the forests and wild-hanging woods;
    Farewell to the torrents and loud-pouring floods.

    My heart's in the Highlands, my heart is not here;
    My heart's in the Highlands a-chasing the deer;
    A-chasing the wild-deer, and following the roe,
    My heart's in the Highlands wherever I go.

    Robert Burns
  12. That's Robert Burns, a very capable writer. I was talking more about the Facebook pish trotted out every time someone gets their chit punched.
  13. That has nothing to do with being lonely? Where i used to work many elderly people would come in for a natter and a substantial number mentioned they were lonely. To get someone from a charity around they needed to be housebound etc, very little available to those who are able but have no one. I offered to run a coffee morning of sorts in my own time for them but it was rejected. In summary your comment has nought to do with what i was saying but nice try :)
  14. Keeping people company does not have to involve talking about their experiences though? Someone to chat to (about anything) and have a cuppa with can make the world of difference, and not involve re-living anything they don't want to. The university for example puts on a film night at the dockyard which plays films the attendees have suggested- no reminiscing involved but many comment how its the one thing they look forward to and it has saved them from lonliness to a small extent. A lady at my grandads care home always asks me to have a cuppa and a biccie with her, and after ensuring this was all alright with the care staff i do; mainly because i would hate my relatives to have no one usually just down to circumstances and i enjoy talking. If that kind of thing makes people 'busy bodies' then maybe more people should be busy.

    My point from the start was that the saddest part about what the thread starter said was that this gentleman was lonely. Without forcing buddies upon people many comment how lonely they feel so it obviously is an issue to a fair number of people. Its not a case of forcing people with attention anyway, there is not enough support available for people who actually want it afterall.
    Last edited: May 26, 2013
  15. wave_dodger

    wave_dodger War Hero Book Reviewer

    Without wishing to perpetuate a minor spat - Who say's he was lonely? The OP doesn't as far as I can see.

    I'm probably not the only one, but whilst I can be as sociable and amiable as any Matelot when I want, equally I like my own company and as I get older (reluctantly) I increasingly prefer it. Perhaps a lot of older people are the same?

    Slightly back on post, as we're getting to be an older population and as a rule we've spread much further across the country and the globe, I wonder if this will be an increasing pattern for funerals for our generation - smaller attendances, perhaps just more "likes" on our final post on FB!

    Don't worry as SPB proves when I'm 90 I'll still be on here too being sociable ;-)
  16. Healthy debate does not a spat make, its good people have different opinions. This is very true, i just mean in general as often people comment that it is sad some funerals are poorly attended. Whilst no doubt there are people who opt for a life which could be seen by others as 'lonely' but they are in fact happier that way; there are plenty who voice their feelings of isolation and lonliness and it upsets them. As with anything this does not encompass an entire sub section of society, but from working in care and working in a place in the community where i had a lot of contact with people in that situation who found it horrible it saddens me there are people who exist like that. Again everyone has different views, opinions and experiences- its good to exchange them and challenge them, its only when people get petty and bitchy about it that it becomes a spat
  17. If someone approaches for company or support themselves then how is it 'busy body' though? :p
  18. Exactly and i recognised that in one of my previous comments. I just think that to label it as 'busy bodying' when so many people put in so much time to provide services and groups of which people choose to attend and are never approached or hassled about is out of order and rude. Inflicting things upon people is wrong yes, but its not about that- and it isnt forced friendship or whatever, people have a lot to offer and are enjoyable to be around and chat to whatever their age- its enjoyable not a chore to feed some kind of ego monster.
  19. Many interesting comments, thank you all.

    Just to clarify, I don't know if this gentleman was lonely, he suffered with dementia & was well "off the planet" & whether he had many visitors I don't know, he, I do know was well looked after in the care home, but like many of such places it seemed like an incubator block for the elderly who were being kept alive in sterile conditions, but he seemed happy enough when I occasionally visited him.

    The thing I was trying to highlight was the manner of his funeral, post his military service he'd been successful in business, bought up a family, & been a contributor for the good of society, perhaps I'm just old fashioned but not to have any escort to the hearse on someone's final journey seems to me to be "bad form".

    Your right of course this gentleman had outlived his wife, siblings & friends so there weren't any of those to attend, but it would have been nice in my opinion if those that did bother attend had made some effort to discuss his passing or at least try & look smart for the occasion.

    But as I said perhaps I'm behind the curve & just old fashioned about such things.

    PS. what has caused this public aversion to clean shoes, if people wanted them to look like suede why didn't they buy suede ones in the first place?
    Last edited: May 27, 2013
  20. You may well be, but I suspect that quite a few of us are there with you.


Share This Page